Substitute for tripod 

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 19

From John:
tell Amy the sate of Florida raises our share on Boneheads.
So, Dear Webby,  who raises the most  Boneheads? You 
decide How do you distinguish between the  dummies and 
the real  real dummies. 
I  read Webby first, that give me  the  strength to  to the NEWS

Dear John
It may seem that Florida has more boneheads than other 
states, but part of that is because a lot of people retire to
Florida, and so there are a lot of people with time to report

For a wile, I used to get frequent reports from Russia, but 
they clamped down on that. China, on the other hand,
is relaxing a bit. Speaking of "the other hand", have a look at
Other hand

England also is a steady provider of boneheads, and so is 
California. They are all over, but whether we hear about 
them depends on the quality of reporting in those areas.

Have FUN!

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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. --- Voltaire
Donna sent this on: After being laid off, I papered the town with my resume. Days passed, and I hadn't received a single phone call. I decided to take a closer look at the copies my husband had printed at his real estate office. I quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while deemed to be accurate, is not guaranteed."
Are you tired of slow computer start-ups due to too many sloppy updates and unnecessary programs? PC Optimizer PRO will fix all that and get you an even faster start-up, than when your computer was brand new. Get the PC Optimizer PRO now!

The following ads appeared in a newspaper over a period of four days, the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555- 0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - - R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alicia Ducharme, 48 in Volusia County, Florida Salad Attack OAK HILL, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a woman who admitted to dumping a cucumber salad over the head of her boyfriend's one-legged father. The Volusia County Sheriff's Office said deputies were called to the home of Michael Dyer at about 4 p.m. Tuesday by his son, Daron Dyer, who reported a domestic disturbance, the Orlando Sentinel reported Friday. Deputies said Alicia Ducharme, 48, Daron Dyer's girlfriend, had argued with Michael Dyer, who accused her of stealing food and money from him, before she dumped the salad on his head. Michael Dyer's left leg is amputated at the knee and he uses an electric scooter to get around. Deputies said Ducharme told them she was "guilty" and instructed them to arrest her, but she resisted when they attempted to handcuff her. Ducharme said Dyer had punched her in the face before the salad dump, but deputies found no evidence of injuries. Ducharme was charged with felony counts of abuse of an elderly or disabled person and resisting arrest without violence. Daron Dyer, the son, said he and Alicia will move out of his father's house and go back to trucking.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Friz Re: Substitute for tripod From Friz Dear Webby, I forgot my tripod at home, but I have to as usual make all the pictures at the family gathering. What's a quick and cheap fix? I absolutely need something to help me beacuse I know I am too jittery to take candle light shots by hand without the ugly flash. I do have a remote release. Friz Dear Friz No Panic. Just get a sturdy zip-lock plastic bag, fill it two thirds full with sugar or salt or flour. Set it onto a saucer and place the camera onto the bag. Wiggle it a bit so it sits well. You can put that saucer onto any piece of furniture, or even onto a stepladder. The camera will be rock-solid and the pictures even sharper than when you use your tripod. For permanent use you can cut six to 8 inches off an old leather jacket and glue or stitch that together as a cover for your zip-lock bag. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
Daily tip from Reuse Junk Mail Envelopes To save money on buying envelopes, take any pre-addressed envelopes that come in the mail that aren't going to be used and put white labels over the address. Make sure not to use envelopes that are obviously not suited to your purpose. Even the envelopes with the see through windows can be used. Just put the white label over the window part. We haven't purchased envelopes in ages! By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home. One day, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard. One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass." "Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration." And your son chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a barbecue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.

Laughs 4 Everyone

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