Monday, September 19, 2011, 09:23 AM
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 19
From John:
tell Amy the sate of Florida raises our share on Boneheads.
So, Dear Webby, who raises the most Boneheads? You
decide How do you distinguish between the dummies and
the real real dummies.
thanks
I read Webby first, that give me the strength to to the NEWS
john
Dear John
It may seem that Florida has more boneheads than other
states, but part of that is because a lot of people retire to
Florida, and so there are a lot of people with time to report
boneheads.
For a wile, I used to get frequent reports from Russia, but
they clamped down on that. China, on the other hand,
is relaxing a bit. Speaking of "the other hand", have a look at
Other hand
England also is a steady provider of boneheads, and so is
California. They are all over, but whether we hear about
them depends on the quality of reporting in those areas.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
--- Abraham Lincoln
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
--- Voltaire
Donna sent this on:
After being laid off, I papered the town with my resume. Days
passed, and I hadn't received a single phone call. I decided to
take a closer look at the copies my husband had printed at his
real estate office.
I quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine.
At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common
real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while
deemed to be accurate, is not guaranteed."
Are you tired of slow computer start-ups due to too many
sloppy updates and unnecessary programs?
PC Optimizer PRO will fix all that and get you an even faster
start-up, than when your computer was brand new.
Get the PC Optimizer PRO now!
The following ads appeared in a newspaper over a period of four
days, the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's
mistake.
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for
sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who
lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad
yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale
cheap. Phone 555- 0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with
him after 7 P.M."
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has
received several annoying telephone calls because of the error
we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct
as follows: "For sale - - R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for
sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs.
Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for
sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone
disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until
yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit.
Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to
Alicia Ducharme, 48 in Volusia County, Florida
Salad Attack
OAK HILL, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested
a woman who admitted to dumping a cucumber salad over
the head of her boyfriend's one-legged father.
The Volusia County Sheriff's Office said deputies were called
to the home of Michael Dyer at about 4 p.m. Tuesday by his son,
Daron Dyer, who reported a domestic disturbance, the Orlando
Sentinel reported Friday.
Deputies said Alicia Ducharme, 48, Daron Dyer's girlfriend,
had argued with Michael Dyer, who accused her of stealing
food and money from him, before she dumped the salad on
his head.
Michael Dyer's left leg is amputated at the knee and he uses
an electric scooter to get around.
Deputies said Ducharme told them she was "guilty" and
instructed them to arrest her, but she resisted when they
attempted to handcuff her.
Ducharme said Dyer had punched her in the face before
the salad dump, but deputies found no evidence of injuries.
Ducharme was charged with felony counts of abuse of an
elderly or disabled person and resisting arrest without
violence.
Daron Dyer, the son, said he and Alicia will move out of
his father's house and go back to trucking.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Friz
Re: Substitute for tripod
From Friz
Dear Webby,
I forgot my tripod at home, but I have to as usual make all
the pictures at the family gathering. What's a quick and
cheap fix? I absolutely need something to help me beacuse
I know I am too jittery to take candle light shots by hand
without the ugly flash. I do have a remote release.
Friz
Dear Friz
No Panic. Just get a sturdy zip-lock plastic bag, fill it two
thirds full with sugar or salt or flour. Set it onto a saucer and
place the camera onto the bag. Wiggle it a bit so it sits well.
You can put that saucer onto any piece of furniture, or even
onto a stepladder. The camera will be rock-solid and the
pictures even sharper than when you use your tripod.
For permanent use you can cut six to 8 inches off an old
leather jacket and glue or stitch that together as a cover for
your zip-lock bag.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
AD #2
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A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas
shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and
returned to her. Looking in her purse, she
commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny.
When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now
there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last
time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any
change for a reward."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Junk Mail Envelopes
To save money on buying envelopes, take any pre-addressed
envelopes that come in the mail that aren't going to be used
and put white labels over the address. Make sure not to use
envelopes that are obviously not suited to your purpose.
Even the envelopes with the see through windows can be
used. Just put the white label over the window part.
We haven't purchased envelopes in ages!
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them
missed their old home. One day, when they went to pick up their
first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a
conversation she overheard.
One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to
Christmas Mass."
"Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to
have a Hanukkah celebration."
And your son chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going
to have a barbecue."
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was
engrossed in a magazine.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Listen to this," she said.
"There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to
swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a
season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
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