Soaked Surveyor's Tripod 

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 1

Thanks to Carole for this:

Dear Webby, heres one you might can use. keep up the good work.  

It finally is making sense !
Check your shampoo bottle label. I don't know WHY I didn't 
figure this out sooner!!!! Its the shampoo I use in the shower! 
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body 
and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this 

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!! Well! I have gotten 
rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish 
soap instead. Their label reads, 
REMOVE. Problem Solved!!! 

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!!!
Your Blond friend.

I wonder how many people will now fill their bra with shampoo
while they sit in a tub of dish soap?

Have FUN!

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"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." --- Jack Penn Whaddya mean with that? A mistake, that is not repeated, is a stepping stone. DearWebby
When my sister got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room when my sister came down the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "Don't cry, remember you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, I'm not crying about that. Good Riddance! It's time you cleaned up your own mess!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to delivered the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00." Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny eventually became a certain president's chief fund raiser. Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Burnett, 29, of Teaneck, N.J. Robbed same bank three days in a row New Jersey resident Charles Burnett, we think he might have got the words should and shouldn't confused. On Monday morning, he pushed his way to the front of the queue at a Manhattan bank and handed a note to the teller to say that he had a gun and wanted some cash. On paper, it sounds like a good start. On the security camera, not so much. Burnett had failed to wear any disguise but wore gloves. That morning he only made $2,258. The next morning, rather than spending his money on a trip to Mexico and a new look, Burnett decided to head back to the same bank for more. This time he made around $14,000. The bank noticed they had a fan and sent security camera images of Burnett to the police and local papers. The next day, with all the staff and local authorities familiar with his face, he returned to rob the bank again. This time he made $10,002 but didn't make it very far before he was caught. Burnett was arrested by a pair of police officers passing by the bank as he exited Wednesday. "They tackled him today just as I was coming in," said teller Danielle Stephens, 25, who was present during Tuesday's robbery. "He ran out onto Gold Street and they tackled him." "Same guy, three days in a row," Stephens said. Obviously he wanted to get caught. He didn't seem like he was all there." Burnett was charged with three counts of robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Soaked Tripod Dear Webby What do you mean with "well soaked wooden surveyor's tripod"? Do you mean the tripod of a well soaked or drunk surveyor? Frank Dear Frank Surveyor's tripods are usually made from ash or beech wood, and as they age, they become hard and brittle. That causes them to transmit and even amplify the micro-tremors of the earth, both natural ones and from vehicles. Soaking the tripod in a creek or in the shower softens the wood and makes it absorb those micro tremors. That makes a huge difference in the sharpness and clarity of long zoom shots. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work,"said the man. "How do you think you'll do that?" asked , his co-worker. He proceeded to climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the man hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. began walking out too. The boss asked, where was going. answered, "I'm going Home...........I can't work in the dark."
Daily tip from Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
With tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. 11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should never generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Kill all exclamation points!!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement. 34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I had a pastor friend who went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but the top portion of the glasses didn't work so well. In fact he was experiencing dizziness every time he looked through them. He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems, "I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses," he said. "You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick."

Art of Nature

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