How to use MailWasher? 

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 23

As I am writing this, it is 2 degrees below freezing out.
I will be wearing my warm jacket when I go look for the
falling stars later on. They are due shortly after moonrise.

Have FUN!

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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. --- Joe Theismann "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." --- Douglas Adams
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." The young one tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole." Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree. All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite ..... shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ..... spreading poop all over the farm. WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole. Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!" As she pulls up her pants, she says... "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen. -------------------------- When I was living in the bush in the Yukon, dynamite was indeed the solution every winter. However, like most outhouses there, mine was on skids and easy to hitch up to a dog team and tow over a "fixed" hole. When the temperature does not rise above -30 for weeks, the contents of a hole don't slump down and level out, but build a very annoying pyramid. The easiest way to bust that pyramid is to tow the outhouse a few feet away, and toss some explosives into the hole. Dynamite had already gone out of fashion by then, and Pillow-Packs were a favorite for that chore. Pillow-Packs were 6"x6" pillows of plastic explosives mixed with metal shavings. They exploded quickly enough, so that they did not need enclosures, like dynamite or black-powder needs, and the metal shavings worked just fine in shredding the pyramid. Then it was just a matter of towing the outhouose back over the "fixed" hole.
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If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, possibly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat, stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bobbi Jean Farrell, 34, Chamblee, Georgia Bond returns Scammer A former Chamblee Police Department employee was indicted Thursday for altering traffic citations to get refunds for the offenders, then keeping the money herself. A former Chamblee Police Department employee was indicted Thursday for altering traffic citations to get refunds for the offenders, then keeping the money herself. Bobbi Jean Farrell, 34, is charged with racketeering, two counts of falsifying official documents and four counts of theft by taking for filching about $3,000 over a three-month period. Between April and June of this year, Farrell is accused of changing citations to show that prosecutors dropped charges, and subsequently creating bogus city bond refund forms to return cash deposited for bail back to the offenders, according to the indictment. She then intercepted checks cut for each of the offenders and deposited the money into her own bank account. “She would target Hispanic offenders,” the chief said. When applying for a refund, offenders could opt to pick up the money or request a check be mailed. Johnson said Farrell would put her address on the applications then sign her name to the checks before depositing them. He said she stole as many as seven checks, although the indictment only accounts for four.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: How to use MailWasher Dear Webby: I need your help. I used mailwasher successfully with several email programs. Microsoft Outlook is now installed and I would like to use mailwasher with this software. What needs to be done to make it work? Sig Dear Sig 1) Set the address, that you want to wash, into the MailWasher accounts. 2) Set Outlook to NOT automatically check mail every so often. 3) Tell MailWasher that your currently favorite email client is Outlook. That's all there is to it. MailWasher will check and wash the mail and show you the list of what is left for a final glance. You may add another letter or two to the to be deleted list, or take the Delete checkmark off one. When all is as it should be, hit F6 MailWasher then does the washing and hands the baton over to Outlook. Depending on the version of Outlook you got, it will take the hint and download the washed mail, or it will just open and sit there looking silly. In that case, hit the CHECK MAIL button. Since all the spam has already been nuked, that will go fast. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six- year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a block from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
Daily tip from Chore Jar for Kids to Earn Extra Money I have two children who love toys, just like any other child. We have given them an allowance since the age of 4, for which they have to earn by performing chores. With this money, they are allowed to purchase a new or used item once a month. We believe this helps instill the lesson of saving money and budgeting. The oldest kid once saved enough money to buy a Nintendo DS which was over $100 at the time. He was only in the 1st grade. The children have a job jar which has slips of paper with job assignments and the money value written on them which gives them the opportunity to earn extra money if they wish. There is a maximum amount of $25 that they may earn weekly. This helps teach them that if they want extra money they have to work extra hard for it. Please note, that not every chore is something they will be paid for. There are chores that they do that are called "family chores" because it is something that benefits the entire family and everyone in the household does it. Source: Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this: After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. "Well," he said, "its three weeks long." "What else," I asked. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools." "And the third week?" I asked. "The third week, the fools jump."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. Today is Wednesday, the day YOU drive."

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