Mysterious Email Bounces 

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 29

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
Two more days, then I will post the list.

Have FUN!

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"You don't have to hold a position in order to be a leader." --- Anthony J. D'Angelo "Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." --- Gene Hill "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --- Rita Rudner
Thanks to Colin for bringing back this classic: Country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.. 1. A Bible 2. A silver dollar 3. A bottle of whiskey 4. And a Playboy magazine 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. He is going to go into politics!
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As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a U.S. Marine Corps uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she ask quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my service stars and battle ribbons, and explained that I got them, because I had killed people, who did not behave."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Latasha Webb, 22, and William "Chino" Schulz, 17 in Kissimmee, Florida Pizza Robbers arrestedLeft their dope in motel fridge KISSIMMEE, Fla., Oct. 27 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said they arrested a couple who attempted to check back into their motel room an hour after leaving because they forgot their crack. The Osceola County Sheriff's Office said deputies were called to the Rodeway Inn on West U.S. Highway 192 near Kissimmee before lunch Tuesday when cleaning staff discovered several bags of crack cocaine in a room's freezer, the Orlando Sentinel reported Thursday. Deputies said the manager received a call from the room's former occupant while they were investigating, saying "she was on her way back to the hotel and wanted to pay for one more night and stay in the same room." Latasha Webb, 22, and William "Chino" Schulz, 17, were arrested upon returning to the motel. The arrest report said Webb told deputies "Chino sells crack cocaine and they both forgot the crack cocaine when they checked out of the room." Webb and Schulz were charged with possession of cocaine with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Marsha Re: Mysterious mail bounces Dear Webby Rob, my oldest and blondest brother, thinks he is so smart that he can improve on the way I set the mail up for him. Right now, he told me on the phone, he can mail out to anybody, but if he tries to reply or forward, he gets bounces. What did he do now ? And what do you recommend? Thanks Marsha Dear Marsha Most likely he has his mail set to "Send a copy to self" for forwards and replies. And because he doesn't read his own copies of the replies and forwards anyway, he has himself blocked with some spam control program. He should either take the checkmark off "Send a copy to self", or else stop blocking mail from himself. My recommendation is a diet that includes lots of Smarties. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young man who goes to a girl's house to pick her up for their first date. She shows him into the living room, then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them drinks. Looking around the room, the fellow notices a little vase on the mantel. He picks it up to examine it, and as he is looking at it, she walks back in. "What's this?" he asks her. "Oh," she says, "my father's ashes are in there." The young man turns beet red and is speechless as he gently sets the vase back on the mantle. "Yeah," the girl says, "he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Daily tip from Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, that causes more pain and suffering than any other product, and yet we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here's a little slice of golf history that you might enjoy. Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out. I don't drink and don't play golf, but find those topics easy to joke about.

Happy Cooker

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