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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 18

Thank you Svend!

Today I got some of the obligatory in- and outlaw vitisting over
and done with, but very little work done. 

Have FUN!

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There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Secret Restaurant Recipes 
Here are the secret recipes from your favorite restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, KFC, The Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Chilis, etc. These are NOT the free, almost close enough recipes forwarded by AOLers.

Order Today And We'll Include America's Restaurant Recipes Volume 2 For Free

Enjoy the Secret Recipes

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28 in Madison, Wisconsin 'Pocket dialed' 911 call leads to easy arrest of two thieves Two Madison men were cited for retail theft Tuesday after a “pocket dial” to 911 provided a live play-by-play of their plans to sell stolen DVDs and computer games at a used video game store on the city’s East Side, police said. According to Madison police, Jason S. Hamielec, 29, and Brian A. Johnson, 28, couldn’t stop talking about their thievery after lifting a bunch of DVDs and computer games from a Target store at 201 Junction Road on the city’s Far West Side at about 5:30 p.m. They yakked, jawed and chortled inside their getaway SUV for 54 minutes, bragging about what they stole, describing the vehicle they were in, and chatting about where they might get the best prices for the stolen merchandise before locking in on the Video X-Change, 3002 Atwood Ave., said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. The two even talked about how police would be looking for a blue Dodge Durango without license plates, so they decided put the plates back on, DeSpain said. When then the pair pulled into a parking lot near the Video X-Change, they noticed a couple of squad cars, DeSpain said. The next thing they knew, several officers, a couple with guns drawn, were yelling, “Police! Show your hands!” Both men were dumbfounded by how police knew exactly where they would be, not knowing one of them had pocket dialed 911 on his cellphone when they got into the SUV after the theft, DeSpain said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Open a NEW window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure ther is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replies indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
Daily tip from Keep Magic Eraser in the Shower Keep a white eraser sponge in your shower. After you shower, take 20 seconds to wipe down the walls and floor. You will never get those tough hard water stains that only powerful chemical cleaners remove - or at least far fewer to deal with. Also, the porcelain stays so white and pretty. This takes little effort to do! By susannl from St. Cloud, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing.
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