Hot-Key for muting the sound 

Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, January 23
Thank you Miriam!

It warmed up to -6 today, but walking against the wind was
not that comfortable. It was very pretty, though, with the low
sun casting long shadows on the snow. 

I found it interesting, that deer prefer to walk in fresh snow
on lawns, but elk and moose prefer to walk on the 
hard packed snow on the road. I guess they are not worried
about any flimsy cars.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"If you have to write your ethical rules down, it's already too late" --- Tom Clancy
Thanks to Cheryl for this story: Senior Citizen Discount "$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Corvette. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
Brew Beer at Home! Brew Beer Bible - The Ultimate Beer Brewing Guide Idiot proof step-by-step home brewing guide shows you how to make beer totally from scratch at home, even if you have absolutely no experience in brewing. Money back guarantee! Brew Beer for pennies! Trade it to friends for gas, meat, veggies, baking, cleaning, whatever! A glass of beer a day is good for you!

Thanks to C.Odin C. for this story: An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincents Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars. A couple of months later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies". To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".
Click through for the large version. Attached picture is a view of the sunrise and the Blue Ridge Mountians taken from our back deck the other morning. Rich Troutville, Va
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Justin Canuto, 22, Farmington, NM Drunk driver hogtied by witness FARMINGTON, N.M. (AP) - New Mexico authorities say a witness hogtied a suspected drunken driver accused of barely avoiding several head-on collisions and then trying to run away once he was forced into a parking lot and confronted by people who saw what happened. The Farmington Daily Times reports that 22-year-old Justin Canuto was tied up after he pulled over Sunday in a Farmington parking lot. San Juan County sheriff's officials say he was seen minutes earlier driving southbound in the northbound lanes of U.S. 550 and nearly missed several oncoming motorists. A sergeant says Canuto became belligerent and tried to run away, prompting another man to tackle and hogtie him before sheriff's deputies arrived. Canuto was charged with drunken driving. While deputies don't recommend tying up suspected drunken drivers, no charges were filed against the man who tied Canuto.
Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: Hotkey for muting Dear Webby, In the good old days of Windows 95, you gave me a hot-key to instantly mute the sound if a boss drove into the parking lot. That "Boss Key" worked fine on Windows 98 and Windows XP, but not on Blonde Windows. Waaahhh! Can you a new Boss Key? Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Go to my Tool Box and grab NirCMD. It is just below the Instant EyeDropper. Right-click it and choose Save link As. That way YOU can tell it, where you want to save the zip-file to. It is very small. The only reason it is zipped up is because it includes a help file. After you unzip it, hit the nircmd.exe. It will offer to copy itself to the Windows folder. Yes, please. Now that you are armed and dangerous, Right-click on the desktop and choose New \ Shortcut Type or paste into the location box: "nircmd.exe” mutesysvolume 2 Hit next and for the nickname, use Boss Key or Mute Now right-click the new icon, and in it's properties, put the cursor into the Short-Cut Key slot, hold down CTRL. It will show CTRL + ALT + type Z and hit Apply, OK. Now hit CTRL ALT Z Windows will procrastinate and snivel about whether you really want it to do what you told it to do. YES, dammiit! And don'd ask me about it ever again! After that, when you hit CTRL ALT Z, the sound toggles off or on, instantly. Don't get too carried away with all the goodies mentioned in the nircmd help file. Remember the trouble you got into for setting your boss's Spell-Check hot-key to turn his monitor off! Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front, near the cash registers, when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away. After a scuffle, my friend slammed him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him. "Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than nine items."
Daily tip from Check Refurbished Printer Cartridge Expiration Date There is a date on each printer ink cartridge. There is evidently a microchip in the ink cartridge that tells the printer when that date has arrived. When that date gets here, it is considered to be an expired cartridge and will no longer work. I no longer refill them close to or past the expiration date, and I will open the box and check the expiration date of refurbished ones at the cash register before I drive all the way back home. Source: HP customer service rep By mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri Your best bet is to buy ink from a reputable supplier like Atlantic Inkjet .com, especially if you use an HP printer! The same applies to laser toner. Not just HP, but also Dell and Xerox build counter chips into the toner cartridges. Even if you print just one tiny dot of a certain color, it counts the page, and after a certain number of pages have been counted, the cartridge tells the printer, that it is empty. Because of that sleazy racket, it is extremely important to get your toner from a good and reputable supplier like Atlantic Inkjet .com. They are cheaper too, not just better. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to take the service for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone he knew was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are You?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Rev. Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did You let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
» Year of the dragon
The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter marked "Private, for George only" came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'

[ view entry ] ( 204 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 565 )

<<First <Back | 81 | 82 | 83 | 84 | 85 | 86 | 87 | 88 | 89 | 90 | Next> Last>>