How we change from the first baby to later ones 

Names
First Child:
Your name was inspired by a woman of royalty. She was loved by millions.
Second Child:
Your name was inspired by a beloved member of the family. Everyone loved her.
Third Child:
Your name was inspired by my favorite professional wrestler, Hulk Hogan. He could beat the crap out of anybody.

Holding the new baby
First Child:
We're the only ones who can hold her.
Second Child:
You can hold her, but you have to wash your hands first.
Third Child:
Someone please hold this kid for me!


Food and Feeding
First Child:
I will feed you only pesticide-free organic foods that I've prepared by hand in a carefully-sanitized kitchen.
Second Child:
I will feed you baby foods from a jar that don't have preservatives or additives.
Third Child:
Do you want corn dogs or chili dogs for breakfast?

Safety
First Child:
Don't run in the house. You could fall and hurt yourself.
Second Child:
Don't run with scissors.
Third Child:
Don't play with Daddy's good chainsaw.

Sleeping/Naps
First Child:
You need to go to bed by 8:30.
Second Child:
You need to go to bed by 9:00.
Third Child:
It's 11:30, I'm going to bed. Turn the TV off when you're done.

Television watching
First Child:
You can watch one hour of educational TV per day.
Second Child:
You can watch two hours of regular TV per day.
Third Child:
My TV is broken, can I watch yours?

Bathing
First Child:
Your baths will be a mixture of sparkling spring water and pasteurized milk with essential oils
Second Child:
Your baths will be a mixture of warm water and baby oil
Third Child:
We'll hose you off in the backyard twice a week.



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