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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 13

Today in 
0607 12th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet  
1519 Cortez lands in México 
1560 Spanish fleet occupies Djerba, at Tripoli (Libya)
1639 Cambridge College renamed Harvard for clergyman John Harvard 
1677 Massachusetts gains title to Maine for $6,000 
1852 Uncle Sam cartoon figure made its debut in the 
       New York Lantern weekly
1861 Jefferson Davis signs bill authorizing use of slaves as soldiers 
1868 Senate begins President Andrew Johnson impeachment trial
1869 Arkansas legislature passes anti-Klan law 
1884 US adopts Standard Time 
1913 Kansas legislature approves censorship of motion pictures 
1921 Mongolia (formerly Outer Mongolia) declares 
          independence from China 
1925 Tennessee makes it unlawful to teach evolution 
1933 Banks reopen 
1943 Failed assassin attempt on Hitler during 
      Smolensk-Rastenburg flight 
1950 General Motors reports net earnings of $656,434,232 (record) 
1957 Bloody battles after anti-Batista demonstration in Havana Cuba
1961 Pablo Picasso (79) marries his model Jacqueline Rocque (37) 
1963 2 Russian reconnaissance flights over Alaska
1969 Apollo 9 returns to Earth 
1970 Digital Equipment Corp introduces PDP-11 minicomputer 
1979 European Monetary System is established, ECU created 
1986 Soyuz T-15 carries 2 cosmonauts to Soviet space station Mir 
1991 Exxon pays $1-billion dollars in fines & cleanup of Valdez oil spill
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. --- Socratex It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. --- Mark Twain Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. --- Socratex Empty pockets never held anyone back. It is only empty heads and empty hearts that do it. --- Norman Vincent Peale
A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." The bartender says "Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?" A hole in my pants where my wallet used to be.
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Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie... .. So I rented him a tuxedo in your name."
Click through for the large version. Pleasure cruise
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Marcia Usher, 32 in Hudson, Florida Jailed After Calling 911 To Ask For A Place To Urinate Hudson, Florida - Marcia Usher, a 32-year-old Hudson woman was jailed Wednesday after she called 911 to ask for assistance in finding a place to urinate. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Usher called 911 and reported that she was lost in the woods somewhere and was looking for a place to urinate. Officers traced the call and found her drinking a beer on her front porch, not in the woods as she had claimed. Investigators say officers asked Usher if they could search an open cooler that was near her. She allowed them, and stated that there was a knife inside. Officers instead found a handgun sitting on top of the beer. When officers attempted to apprehend her she resisted, but was tackled to the ground and eventually handcuffed. Sounds like much fun was had by all. When Usher arrived at the jail, a vial containing methamphetamine residue was found on her person during a strip search. Usher was booked into the Land O' Lakes Detention Center and charged with carrying a concealed weapon without a permit, possession of methamphetamine, introduction/possession of contraband in a detention facility, and resisting arrest without violence. She is currently being held in lieu of a $15,150 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jack Re: Icon Size problem on W7 Webby, I've been a faithful recipient of Humor Letter for years and enjoyed and learned from you, I even asked some questions. I now need your help because for all my research I cannot find out the answer to this. Maybe it is a bug in win7. The icons come up in the view mode to medium icons. I want small icons. I change the setting every time I boot up. but it always goes back to medium I can't find a setting to keep (lock) them in small view. Any HELP? jack Dear Jack There are a number of W7 bugs involved. Theoretically, clicking on a blank space on the desktop, then holding down CTRL and turning the scroll wheel, SHOULD zoom the icons. If you have no W7 Updates, that works fine. However, if you have been hit with a bunch of conflicting updates, that becomes erratic. Don't try it while you have a bunch of programs open! At one time, Windows saved your settings correctly, including that wacky zoom. The zoom still works fine in most programs like FireFox, but is jerky and unpredictable with the desktop. Right-clicking the desktop and clicking on View and Small Icons is also screwy. If you have set the icons to for example 24 pixels, THEIR smallest will increase the size to 36. That method may occasionally work, but usually doesn't. It is probably meant for the Incredimail and Farmville crowd, who like huge icons. The third officially sanctioned method is via the Registry: You can hardwire the icon size in the Registry with [HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control Panel\Desktop\WindowMetrics] "Shell Icon Size"="24" Back up the registry before editing it! And then there is the top secret and undocumented sneaky method: Right-click on the desktop. Personalize And in there, hidden at the bottom, you see "Window Color", looking ever so boring and innocent. Hidden inside that is the good ol "Appearance" module from Windows 95. It is probably not authorized, but was hidden in there by a programmer, who got frustrated with the official way to muck around. Don't be surprised if a future update eliminates the "Appearance" module. However, for now it still works just like it has ever since Windows 95, it's just hidden a bit deeper down. Once you have customized Windows7 desktop to be as functional as the one in XP, use SMD (Save My Desktop) from my Tool Box to save it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Lilly: Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing toward the doors, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are our private dining rooms."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Magazine Pictures For Crafts I love to make my own cards and gift bags and I love magazines (I get a ton). When I want to make card for a certain holiday, lets say Halloween, I just pull out my latest magazine, they always arrive a month ahead of time, and look for cute pictures of pumpkins, black cats and other Halloween related pictures. If I can't find what I want, I pull out an older issue of the same month. To make it even easier, go through each magazine as you get it and cut out any cute or interesting pictures. Save them in a file until you need them. You can use them for scrapbooking, crafting, collages and more. If your kid likes a certain cartoon character, you could look for pics of it in your magazines and make a nice collage for them to hang on their wall. Other people might like a neat collage of their favorite things: dogs, cats, airplanes, etc. Almost any nice picture you find in your favorite magazine can be framed and given as a gift or even keep it yourself. By Jennifer from Conyers, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?" "Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me." "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied.
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