Importance of signature block 

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 12

Dear Webby, 
I want to tell your readers that, based on your recommendation, 
I purchased a couple of printer ink cartridges from Atlantic
 InkJet via the web. They work perfectly in my HP multifunction
printer, and they even paid for the shipping!  

So the next time someone complains about the few 
ads you have, just remind them how to unsubscribe. 
That was good and valuable information.

Have FUN!

Today in 
1065 Pilgrims under bishop Günther of Bamberg reach Jerusalem
1204 4th Crusade occupies & plunders Constantinople
1545 French king François I orders protestants of Vaudois to be killed 
1654 England, Ireland & Scotland unite
1811 1st US colonists on Pacific coast arrive at Cape Disappointment WA
1844 Texas became a US territory
1861 Fort Sumter SC is shelled by Confederacy, starting the Civil War
1863 Gunboat battle at Bayou Teche LA
1905 French Dufaux brothers test helicopter 
1908 Fire makes 17,000 homeless in Chelsea MA
1919 British Parliament passes a 48-hour work week with minimum wages
1927 General Chiang Kai-shek begins counter revolution in Shanghai 
1931 Spanish voters reject the monarchy 
1934 Highest velocity wind ever recorded on Mount Washington NH, 231 mph 
1940 Italy annexes Albania 
1945 Canadian troops liberate Nazi concentration camp Westerbork, Netherlands
1945 Richard Strauss completes his "Metamorphosis" 
1946 Syria gains independence from France
1954 Bill Haley & the Comets record "Rock Around the Clock" 
1955 Salk polio vaccine safe & effective; 4 billion dimes marched 
1966 1st B-52 bombing on North Vietnam
1973 France recognizes North Vietnam 
1981 Maiden voyage Space Transit System-space shuttle Columbia launched 
1987 Texaco files for bankruptcy 
1988 Sonny Bono elected mayor of Palm Springs CA
1992 Trump Shuttle becomes US Air Shuttle 
2012  smiled

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I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport
An unemployed actor is getting pretty desperate for work. He happens upon this guy that needs actors for a zoo that couldn't get the permits to import a new ape. The actor thinks that this is stupid, but he takes the job anyway. He gets bored and decides to walk around and examine his cage. With this, he notices that people are watching his every move. He decides to give them a show. Soon, he is swinging on the poles and dancing around making a lot of gorilla noises and is drawing quite a crowd. One day, he is showing off for a group of kids. He is swinging around and around a pole, when all of a sudden, his hand slips and he goes flying over the cage wall and right into the lion's pit. Immediately the lion is stalking him. The actor backs up as far as he can, and when he sees no other option, he start screaming "HELP !" With that, the lions growls. "Shut up, you idiot, or you'll get us all fired!"
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A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you." "But wait", he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" "So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well", said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that", he laughed, "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winked, and asked for aspirin?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Calvin Coolidge Wiggins, 31 Phony Postal Inspector Busted For Swiping Pot Shipments MARCH 5--On the hunt for illegal narcotics being shipped via Express Mail, a Michigan man allegedly repeatedly entered a sorting facility, claimed to be a postal inspector, and walked out with dozens of parcels, many of which contained marijuana, investigators charge. According to a criminal complaint filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Detroit, Calvin Coolidge Wiggins, 31, said, “You got me” when questioned Saturday morning by federal agents who had arrested him outside the Priority Mail Center in Romulus. Wiggins, an investigator reported, admitted that he “previously had been involved in mailing Marijuana via USPS Express Mail and was tired of having the parcels seized.” So he allegedly sought to seize the parcels of other drug traffickers. A surveillance team spotted Wiggins entering the facility on March 3 and walking “towards the area of the plant where the Express Mail was being processed.” There, Wiggins was seen taking two parcels and placing them into a wheeled hamper. Wiggins told federal agents that on “numerous occasions” he had gone to the Romulus facility and “posed as a Postal Inspector in order to steal Express Mail parcels which he believed contained controlled substances,” according to an affidavit sworn by a postal inspector. Many of the pinched parcels “did contain Marijuana,” revealed Wiggins, who estimated that he had swiped between 40 and 50 Express Mail packages. The probe of the mail thefts began in January, when postal inspectors determined that multiple packages destined for the Detroit area went missing. Many of the parcels were characteristic of packages that, in the past, had been found to contain controlled substances. Last month, a review of surveillance footage showed a black male suspect entering the Romulus plant on Saturday, February 11 and walking out with eight packages ranging in weight from two to 28 pounds. The swiped parcels “all originated from known narcotic source areas,” noted Postal Inspector Edmond Rose. Anticipating that the suspect would return, federal agents Saturday staked out the Priority Mail Center, where they allegedly caught Wiggins in the act. Wiggins was named in a two-count felony complaint charging him with theft of mail and impersonating a government employee. At a court appearance yesterday, a magistrate judge freed Wiggins on a $10,000 unsecured bond. Records show that Wiggins is a registered sex offender as a result of a sexual battery conviction in Ohio. He first registered in June 2000, and will have to remain on the offender list for the rest of his life.
Spouse [noun]; A person who will stand by you through all of the trouble that you wouldn't have had, if you had stayed single.

Tech Support Pits: From: Hey You! Re: What do you mean with Signature Block What do you mean with Signature Block Dear "Hey You!" Have you ever noticed that AOLers, and recent graduates from AOL, are anonymous "Hey YOU!"s, just anonymous hecklers in the ditch, and that other people sign off with a proper signature line? Every email program has the option to automate that, and automatically append your signature. You can do it formally, with a mug-shot, like I do, or classical like Vestrum Vere Julius Ceasar or casual like See ya later, alligater Betty-Sue or flowery like With love and horny anticipation Penelope Oglethorp-Smythe III or whatever you like, as long as it includes the name, that you want to see after the "Dear" in the salutation of the reply coming back to you. You can change your name. That is quite OK. I don't mind seeing Sincerly and soberly Hortensia (formerly Penelope) It gives me a name to use after the DEAR, and a real person to write to. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Six-year-old called mother from Charlie's house and confessed that a lamp had been broken by throwing a ball in their living room. "But, Mom," said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."
Daily tip from Summer Fun Box School is almost out! A great surprise gift idea for elementary-aged children, grandchildren, or nieces and nephews is a 'Summer of Fun' surprise package. Try to think of all the things you loved as a child. Your grandchild, child or niece/nephew will probably have a little of you in them. I did this last summer and my granddaughter was absolutely delighted! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
Little Johnny wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test: Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny : SEVEN! Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny : SEVEN! Tester : Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got? Little Johnny : SIX. Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny : SEVEN! Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven? Little Johnny : I've already got one rabbit at home!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Whatever could have happened?" he thinks, "Who died?" "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. I'll get you a new cat in the morning."
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