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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 30

My daffodils are holding out until warmer May weather.
I expected them to bloom weeks ago, but no luck yet.
On the other hand, the dandylions are holding back too and 
the lawns are just starting to get a greenish hue of brown.
Yeah, I know, in Alabama they have already sold and shipped
the first harvest of hay. Somebody here was joking that 
Gullible Warming happens only in states, where people 
believe in it. 

Well, I believe I still have a couple of weeks to get my 
lawnmower cleaned up and tuned up.

Have FUN!

Today in 
0311 Emperor Galerius recognizes Christians legally in the Roman Empire
1006 Brightest supernova in recorded history is observed 
1349 Jewish community at Radolszell Germany, exterminated
1396 Crusaders & Earl of Nevers depart from Dijon
1492 Columbus is given royal commission to equip his fleet 
1562 1st French colonists in US Jean Ribaut & Hugenots at Parris Island NC
1563 Jews are expelled from France by order of Charles VI 
1789 George Washington inaugurated as 1st President of US
1803 US doubles in size through the Louisiana Purchase ($15 million) 
1860 Navaho Indians attack Fort Defiance
1861 President Abraham Lincoln ordered Federal Troops to evacuate Indian Territory 
1871 Apaches in Arizona surrender to white & Mexican adventurers;
1885 Boston Pops Orchestra forms 
1898 Championship wrestling match at the Metropolitan turns into a brawl 
1900 USA annexes Hawaii 
1904 Ice cream cone makes its debut 
1911 Portugal approves woman suffrage
1941 Spread of Judaism begins in Croatia
1945 Lord Haw-Haw calls for crusade against the bolsheviks 
1952 Mr Potato Head is 1st toy advertised on television 
1955 West German unions protest for 40-hour work week & more wages 
1961 Premier Fidel Castro of Cuba receives Lenin-Peace Prize 
1967 Highest tower in the world finished, 537 meters (1762 feet) USSR
1970 US troops invade Cambodia 
1975 Last US helicopter leaves US embassy grounds in Vietnam, Saigon surrenders 
1980 Terrorists seize Iranian Embassy in London
1982 Iranian offensive in Khusistan
1991 In Bangladesh a cyclone kills over 131,000 & leaves 9 million homeless 
1994 Soccer great Pele (53) weds psychologist Assiria Seixas Lemos (36) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!

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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. --- J. Paul Getty "If you would persuade, you must appeal to interest rather than intellect." --- Benjamin Franklin "A man who contemplates revenge keeps his wounds green." --- Francis Bacon
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
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For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being--a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Do you want me to go to the pound with you and help you pick out a suitable puppy dog?"
Today's reading is from the Book of Political Life, Chapter 1, verses 1-15: 1. In the beginning was the Plan. 2. And then came the Assumptions. 3. And the Assumptions were without form. 4. And the Plan was without Substance. 5. And darkness was upon the face of the Voters. 6. And the Voters spoke among themselves saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks." 7. And the Voters went unto their Delegates and said, "It is a crock of dung and we cannot live with the smell." 8. And the Delegates went unto their Representatives saying, "It is a container of organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." 9. And the Representatives went unto their Senators, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." 10. And the Senators spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." 11. And the Senators went to the Vice President, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful." 12. And the Vice President went to the President, saying unto him, "It has very powerful effects." 13. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. 14. And the Plan became Policy. 15. And that is how crap happens.
Click on the picture for the large version Cinema Cannes, in Cannes, France
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Davis Williams, 54, currently in OKMULGEE COUNTY, Oklahoma Meth lab explodes in man's pants A portable meth lab exploded in a Mounds man's pants early Friday morning as he struggled with an Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol says meth was leaking down Davis Williams' leg as he tried to run away from a trooper just after midnight. The trooper had stopped an SUV for speeding on 221st Street South in Okmulgee County. After giving the driver a ticket, the trooper began to question the passenger, Davis Williams, about a chemical smell. The OHP says Williams, 54, then took off running, but the trooper caught him and a struggle ensued. "After a brief struggle it was determined there was an active meth lab in his pants that burst during the struggle and got all over his body," said OHP trooper Shiloh Hall. Medical personnel checked out Williams and the road was closed so emergency crews could clean up the scene. Williams was booked into the Okmulgee County jail on a complaint of manufacture of a controlled and dangerous substance. The driver of the SUV was not arrested. The OHP says the driver was taking Williams to his semi at the time of the incident.
Tech Support Pits: From: Dave Re: Correct my name Dear Webby, Please correct greeting to Dave Thank you for all the work you do! Dave Dear Dave Done ----------- Every time somebody asks me to correct their name, I also correct any others on the same page. Dave's was easy, he had put "dave" as his First Name, when he subscribed. Some others do give me a chuckle: When I imagine the name Mrs Ernestine Fogharty-Smythe III filled into a joke, where I use your name insted of "Little Johnny", it gets rather ridiculous. If what you put in there as your "First Name" when you subscribed is not what you want to see, when I say Good Morning to you, then tell me! It only takes me a second to correct that. I typo real fsa!t Have FUN! DearWebby
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Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."
Daily tip from Use Nail Brushes for Cleaning Small Spaces I rarely use a nail brush to clean under my nails, as I use the end of a nail file. So I have a small collection of nail brushes I've saved from gift sets (frugal people save anything they think they will eventually find a use for). I keep a couple of them by the sink in the laundry room and have found they are great for scrubbing small spaces - a little larger than an old toothbrush and smaller than a traditional scrub brush. They have come in handy time and time again. By Marie from West Dundee, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son. The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro." The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency. Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the Tech Support Center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."...
Cardboard Scupltures

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