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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,May 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

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Have FUN!

Today in 
1471 Battle of Tewkesbury - King Edward IV vs Ex-queen Margaretha 
1493 Spanish Pope Alexander VI divides non-Christian world between Spain & Portugal
1494 Christopher Columbus lands in Jamaica 
1626 Indians sell Manhattan Island for $24 in cloth & buttons
1715 French manufacturer debuts 1st folding umbrella
1776 Rhode Island declares independence from England 
1783 Herschel reports seeing a red glow near lunar crater Aristarchu
1910 Tel Aviv founded
1916 At request of US, Germany curtails its submarine warfare
1917 Arabs sack Tel Aviv 
1923 Bloody street battles between Nazis, socialist & police in Vienna 
1923 New York state revokes Prohibition law
1932 Al Capone, convict of income tax evasion, enters Atlanta Penitentiary
1945 German troops in Netherlands, Denmark & Norway surrender 
1961 Malcolm Ross & Victor Prather reach 34,668 meters (113,739') in balloon 
1966 Soviet Government signs accord about building Fiat factory in USSR
1970 National Guard kills 4 at Kent State in Ohio 
1972 Vietcong forms revolutionary government in Quang Tri South Vietnam
1984 Dave Kingman's fly ball never comes down (stuck in Metrodome ceiling) 
2012  smiled

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"There is small disproportion betwixt a fool who useth not wit because he hath it not and him that useth it not when it should avail him." --- Elizabeth I "If California can't solve the energy crisis, it will spread to the rest of the nation, and the economy will collapse, and we will become a primitive society where we all run around naked with spears and refuse to attend meetings. Wouldn't that be GREAT?" --- Dave Barry
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My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our diet?" "Low in calories" and "lots of fiber" were among the answers. She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid 75 cents for this candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat. From the back of the room a small voice spoke up, "I'll give you a dollar for it."
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do, ... Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was s tarting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this? NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner? SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices? NEWLYWED: Yes and no. That reminds me,.... If you want all the basic cooking information in one spot, try Public Radio Org's Boiling Water 101
Click on the picture for the large version Ready for spring!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kristi Diane Clark Lumpy Bra SARASOTA COUNTY - A sheriff's deputy who stopped a speeding driver also halted a marijuana deal, the Sheriff's Office says. At 1:20 a.m. today, a deputy stopped a driver going 63 mph in a 45 mph zone at East Laurel Road and the North Tamiami Trail. He reported that the driver and passenger appeared nervous and that he smelled smoked marijuana. The driver reportedly removed a .22-caliber handgun and three bags of cannabis from her bra. A search of the car revealed more bags of marijuana. The woman and her passenger were expected to meet two customers on South Casey Key Road, who had admitted to deputies they intended to buy $200 worth of marijuana. Deputies arrested driver Kristi Dane Clark, 23, of Lakeland, on charges that include carrying a concealed weapon, possession with intent to sell cannabis and possession of a firearm in the commission of a crime. They arrested her passenger Michael James McCoy Jr., 22, of Lakeland on a charge of possession with intent to sell cannabis.
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>From Brenda After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies with a note saying, "Much love, Mom." Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. A few minutes later, an announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?"
Daily tip from Fixing Loose Screws in Wood If a screw keeps turning in something that is wooden, simply remove the screw, put a toothpick in the hole, break it off at the top of the hole, insert the toothpick part and replace the screw. By stanwitham from Oregon City, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
>From Bill A perfect spring day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
> From Ann I accompanied my husband to get a haircut. While flipping through a magazine I found a hairstyle that would look good on me. I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the haristyle photo. "Well, okay," she replied, "but leave some ID--a driver's license or credit card." "But my husband is here getting his hair cut," I explained. "Yeah... but we need something you'll come back for."
Power of Color

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