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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 22

Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my eyes.
Don't expect a newsletter tomorrow, because I won't be able
to see well enough to send one out.

At one time, I would have pre-written it, but 9/11 cured me 
of that. I was going to visit a AngelWinks in Tennessee, 
and then a client in California, and had pre-written the 
Humor Letter for September 13 - 27.

Then the terrorists attacked, and the world changed.
Aside from the airport hassles and the problem getting
to Tennessee, what I had pre-written was no longer
appropriate. After 9/11 I felt I needed to use a much kinder 
tone. So I had to trash the 14 pre-written Humor Letters
and write new ones. 

Since then I don't write them in advance any more.
I would not want to jinx the fragile peace we got.

Have FUN!

Today in 
1455 The first battle in the 30-year War of Roses took place at St. Albans.
1761 The first life insurance policy in the United States 
was issued in Philadelphia.
1849 Abraham Lincoln received patent number 6469 for his 
floating dry dock.
1927 An earthquake near Xining, China, measuring 8.3 claimed 
approximately 200,000 victims.
1947 Harry S. Truman's Doctrine brought aid to Greece and Turkey to 
combat the spread of Communism.
1972 Ceylon became Sri Lanka.
1972 Richard Nixon arrived in Moscow, becoming the first 
U.S. president to visit the Soviet Union.
1990 North Yemen and South Yemen merged to form the 
Republic of Yemen.
1992 Johnny Carson hosted the last episode of his Tonight Show.
2003 The UN Security Council approved a resolution lifting the 
economic sanctions against Iraq and supporting the U.S.-led 
administration in Iraq.
2011 At least 140 people are killed and hundreds more injured 
as a three-quarter-mile-wide tornado hits Joplin, Missouri. 
The tornado is among the deadliest in the nation's history, 
destroying nearly a third of the city and damaging about 2,000 
buildings, including water treatment and sewage plants.
2012  smiled

History from

Have FUN!

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Two priests are vacationing in Hawaii. They don't want to stand out, so they decide to buy casual clothes. They've just hit the beach in loud Hawaiian print T- shirts and sandals when they spot this hot blonde in a tiny bikini walking their way. As she walks past them, she politely says, "Good afternoon, fathers." Well, the men are amazed, because they can't understand how the woman knew they were priests. They decide to go out and buy even wilder clothes, so they buy tie- died T-shirts, surfer shorts, and dark sunglasses. The next day, they hit the beach in their wild new clothes, and the same blonde passes them in a string bikini. As she passes, she says, "How do you do, fathers?" Well, the two priests are really confused, so they ask the blonde, "Excuse me, ma'am. We're not ashamed of being priests, but how in the world did you know who we were?" The blonde replies "Why, father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Catherine from the convent!"
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A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel. The new bride is concerned and asked, "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says "Hmm... Good point. I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug . . . "AHA!" he shouts! Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate, with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the plate out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" Curious, the groom says, "And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER yours complained of the chandelier falling on them!"
OOOPS! yesterday's Large version of the pictrue had a typo This time it will work properly. Click on the picture for the large version Watch out! Grampa's got the whip!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tiffany Pocock, 27, Belleview, Ohio Tiffany Pocock Drank A Bottle Full Of Crazy Tiffany Pocock, a 27-year-old Bellevue woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly went on a tirade after consuming more than a half-bottle of whiskey. According to Bellevue police, officers were dispatched to an area residence after receiving a report of a domestic dispute at around 1:45 a.m.. Police arrived on the scene to find a man with an injury above his eye. He told officers that he had been struck by Pocock who appeared to be quite intoxicated. Officers also discovered a mini-van parked near the home with it's side door left open. When they looked inside, they found a bottle of whiskey with about a third of the alcohol left. After a brief search, officers located Pocock and placed her under arrest. As they were escorting her to a patrol car, she began resisting arrest and attempting to harm herself by striking her head against the officer's car. Once officers had Pocock inside the vehicle, she began screaming and continuously slammed her head into the glass divider until she was bleeding bad enough for police to take her to a local hospital. When officers escorted her into the emergency room, she spit blood on an officer as well as a nurse. Pocock was booked into the Sandusky County Jail and charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, driving under suspension, and two counts of assault.
Tech Support Pits: From: Scotty Re: Crap Cleaner Link problem Dear Webby Is there a way to get CrapCleaner without going through the hassle of mirror sites, that try their best to mak you accidentally download some ransom ware or other crap, that I don't want? Thanks Scotty Dear Scotty Go directly to if you lose that link, go to my Tool Box and get it from there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies!" "Oh, it was my wife's idea." "Your wife?" "Yeah," answers Ted, "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."
Daily tip from Fixing Loose Screws in Wood If a screw keeps turning in something that is wooden, simply remove the screw, put a toothpick in the hole, break it off at the top of the hole, insert the toothpick part and replace the screw. By stanwitham from Oregon City, Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he'd like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you like to take when you go to college?" they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move. Being a guy, he took the bet. He launched four shots toward the ducks, and even threw two by hand, and the ducks still wouldn't budge. Only after he lost six brand new golf balls did he realize the ducks were painted wooden decoys.
Weapons of the ages

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