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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 2

Long time subscriber Mike Moore wrote:
Hi i'm an above the knee amutee and at 71 just learning 
to walk with my new leg. I have the leg with the free swing 
knee and if I stub my toe, down I go. The knee will not lock 
up to keep me from falling. I have been trying to get the 
computerized knee that would lock up in case of a stub 
plus it would learn my gate of walk. The only problem of 
getting one is my copay is $5000. Yes $5000 Co-Pay! 
And like you, my money is very short.
Mike Moore 
Dayton NV

If anybody knows of some way to help Mike get a better leg
than a free-swing peg-leg, please let me know and I'll connect
you to Mike.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
455 Gaiseric & the Vandals sack Rome 
1835 P.T. Barnum & his circus begin 1st tour of US
1851 1st US alcohol prohibition law enacted (Maine) 
1857 James Gibbs, Va., patents chain-stitch single-thread sewing machine 
1866 Renegade Irish Fenians surrender to US forces 
1883 1st night baseball under lights, Ft Wayne Indiana
1924 US citizenship granted to all American Indians 
1953 Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II in Westminster Abbey 
1966 US Surveyor 1 lands in Oceanus Procellarum; 1st lunar soft-landing
1969 Australian aircraft carrier "Melbourne" slices US destroyer
           "Frank E Evans" in half, killing 74. (South Vietnam) 
1989 10,000 Chinese soldiers are blocked by 100,000 citizens protecting
           students demonstrating for democracy in Tiananmen Square, Beijing 
1997 Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing of the federal building 
  in Oklahoma City.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible. --- Deepak Chopra Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. --- Dave Barry Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide
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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. ------------------- I am going to try that with some left-over chainlink fence, that has been sitting around for too long.
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The first time I sent this joke out, I was sending the Humor Letter with Winfax. That was before the Internet. Accident Report. I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient: I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collar- bone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and groin. The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope. The barrel came down at a rapid pace and broke my glasses, my nose, and four teeth.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stephanie Irene Santana, 20, in Houston, Texas Drunken Pregnant Woman Asks For Tattoo While Baby Is Left Unattended In Car, Found Passed Out In Car Stephanie Irene Santana, a 20-year-old Houston woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly left her 10-month-old child alone in a car while she got a piercing. According to the Houston Police Department, Santana, who is 7 months pregnant and extremely intoxicated, drove to a tattoo parlor around 2:45 a.m. and asked how long it would take to get a tattoo. She reportedly stated that she was limited on time because she had a sleeping baby outside in her car. Employees advised her to tend to her child, then called police. Investigators say officers found Santana outside the tattoo parlor passed out at the wheel. Her daughter was asleep in the passenger seat, unrestrained. Officers found several open beer bottles and Xanax in the car. The child was placed into protective custody while social workers work to find a suitable relative to place the child with. Santana was booked into jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, child endangerment, and possession of a controlled substance.
Tech Support Pits: From: Noname Re: New Address My new address is ............. Dear Noname What is your old address? Or are you just a half-baked scammer trying to phish for working addresses to spam to? If you want me to update your address, please tell me your Old Address New Address. First Name Sometimes I can guess, but don't count on that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Rose for this: One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Packaging for Covering Your Workbench I save the large (25 and 50 pound) heavy craft paper bags that wild bird seed comes in. I cut along the top and bottom of the stitching and slit one side then fold and store them on my work bench. These make wonderful heavy disposable work surface covers to protect your workbench for your current project. I also use them when spray painting, stripping furniture, etc. as they catch all the overspray and drips. When your finished, you just fold them up and put them in the trash. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy. "Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the 'Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So, where are all your cows?" "None of 'em survived the branding."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooow, Sandy! Do you come here often?." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."
Stoned bridges


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