Good Advice 

"Moving Day"
Lawrence Brotherton

In the last 30 or so years, my wife and I have moved at least 12 or 13 times. Sometimes it was across town and sometimes it was from one country to another. This is my advice for those who are getting the urge to splurge with a new house.

1. Hire the cheapest mover in the Yellow Pages. Every mover will break or scratch the same quota of items, so it is better not to pay them so much to do it.

2. Forget about marking boxes. Marking boxes to move is somewhat akin to assembling you kid's bicycle, because there will be parts left over you don't know where they go. There will be rooms in the new house that do not fit the rooms they came from.

3. Forget any communications between you and the mover. One, they will forget where you are moving from and lose their directions to where you are moving to. Two, do not expect the mover to be on time. After waiting all day for him to arrive, just as you sit down for the evening meal a truck the size of a football field will pull up on your lawn expecting to get everything done before dark.

4. Do not watch the movers pack. Watching the movers pack is somewhat akin to looking in the kitchen of your favorite restaurant. It will make you sick with an irrepressible urge to throw up.

5. Two days before the movers promise to arrive, send your children off to camp for a month. Movers get along with children like mailmen get along with dogs. Before the day is over, it is inevitable that either a child will be accidentally boxed, or the mover will trip over a child and sue you for everything you own.

6. As soon as you get into your new house and replace all the broken and missing items, nail everything to the floor. You and your wife cut your wrists, cross arms, and make a blood vow never to move again.

7. The three most important things to remember about moving are...
1. Plan ahead
2. Don't do it
3. Consider the cost of the move as three times the cost of your new house.

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