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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1775 United Colonies change name to United States
1863 Mexico City captured by French troops 
1912 US army tests 1st machine gun mounted on a plane 
1929 Vatican City becomes a soverign state 
1938 Boeing 314 Clipper flying boat 1st flown
1967 Israel captures Wailing Wall in East Jerusalem 
1971 Soviet Soyuz 11 crew completes 1st transfer to orbiting Salyut 
1981 Israel destroys alleged Iraqi plutonium production facility 
1989 Wayne Gretzky won his 9th NHL Hart (MVP) Trophy in 10 years 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. --- Will Durant
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, I thought I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her," I told the C.O. Much to my surprise he said, "Permission granted." Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass. His wife wasn't pregnant, so when the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend re- sponded, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her during that occasion."
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>From Mina When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Then I realized how convenient it was to get him to the breakfast table. Before, I used to stand at the bottom of the staircase and scream his name. Now all I had to do was flick the basement light off and on, and he was here. One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. I did it several more times. "I'm on my way," my son called up. "You didn't have to yell."
Thanks to Likkemore for sending this picture taken by her son Mikel Click on the picture for the large version Boca Raton Sunrise
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrea Amanatides, 38, Albany, NY Loose woman drops the dope Andrea Amanatides, a 38-year-old Albany County woman, was charged a second time when she showed up to serve a six-month jail sentence, with a vagina filled with heroin and 256 prescription medication pills. According to the Albany County Sheriff's Office, Amanatides arrived at the Albany County Jail on Tuesday to begin a six-month sentence for a probation violation when her vagina failed keep a little secret she was hiding. Investigators say Amanatides filled a condom with 256 prescription pills and four bags of heroin. She then placed the condom inside her vagina prior to arriving at the jail. As she waited inside a holding cell, one of the pills dropped to the floor and rolled into open view. When Amanatides adjusted herself, the remaining drugs dropped to the floor as a security camera filmed the embarrassing windfall. Deputies recovered the drugs, which included 90 Lyrica pills, 37 Adderall pills, 50 Valium pills, 43 Trazadone pills, 10 Ambien pills, 26 Oxycontin pills and four bags of heroin. Amanatides was charged with five misdemeanor counts of criminal possession of a controlled substance and a felony charge of promoting prison contraband.
Tech Support Pits: From: Glenis Re: Start a partly pre-written mail with a shortcut Dear Webby, I saw one of the IT guys click on an icon and an already addressed email opened up. He just put some quick comments into the body of the email and fired it off. I didn't want to ask him and appear stupid, especially since those guys can't explain anything anyway. I take information by phone and then fire quotes by email to one of the four salespeople. I know YOU can explain how to do that. Thanks Glenis Dear Glenis Right-click on a free spot on the desktop's edge, New Shortcut and into the location field type (Everything on one line between the stars, even though I line-wrap it here for easier readability) ************* mailto:johnnie@company.com?subject=Quote # 123456&body=Hi Johnnie%0AThis is Line Two%0AThis is Line Three%0A%0AGlenis ************ %0A is the top secret command for a line feed. By the way, do NOT use quotes around the subject line or body parts like Microsoft suggests. That does not work. Windows would show the quotes and mess things up. With the Quote number in the subject line, just use the first few numbers, that don't change, and add the last three digits manually. With the body of the mail, I only added Line Two and Three to show you the way to add line feeds. You would of course use your own text there, whatever is the same in each email. In the Shortcut Settings you can go to Web Document and make a HotKey or Shortcut key, for example CTRL + ALT + J After that, whenever you hit CTRL + ALT + J the half written mail to Johnnie opens, Be careful that you don't assign a nearby letter to a mail to your lover! An accidental "Let's have a quickie at lunch" might get misinterpreted, if it gets to the wrong person. It is best to NOT use company mail for personal mails. If you have any doubts about that, check out how Nancy Sebring, the Superintendent of Public Schools in Des Moines, Iowa lost a $275,000 job, and most likely also her marriage. Steamy Emails from Superintendent Use Skype or Gmail for private stuff, not company mail! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old Doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around again I get the bags down from the storage rack in the garage. There is no dust and everything is just where I left it. By Melinda from Melbourne, Australia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared a batch of bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
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