Semestrial Account scam 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Some of the jokes today are longer than what I prefer.
However, make sure you read the blue Tech Support Pits
section. It just might save you a LOT of hassle!

Have FUN!

Today in 
1613 Shakespeare's Globe Theater burns down 
1767 British passes Townshend Revenue Act (Taxes on America)
1854 Gadsden Purchase (parts of Az, NM) from Mexico for $10 million
1891 100º F San Fransisco, CA (Not gullible Warming, 
just a hot summer)
1899 Brazo River in Texas floods 12 miles wide causing $10 mil damage
1913 Beginning of the 2nd Balkan War 
1916 Boeing aircraft flies for 1st time 
1927 1st flight from West Coast arrives in Hawaii 
1929 1st high-speed jet wind tunnel completed Langley Field Ca
1931 109º F (43º C), Monticello, Florida
1939 Dixie Clipper completes 1st commercial plane flight to Europe
1940 US passes Alien Registration Act requiring Aliens to register 
1946 British arrest 2,700 Jews in Palestine as alleged terrorists 
1949 South Africa begins implementing apartheid; no mixed marriages
1949 US troops withdraw from Korea after WW II 
1966 US bombs fuel storage facilities near N Vietnamese cities 
1967 Israel removes barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem
1970 US ends 2 month military offensive into Cambodia
1976 Seychelles gains independence from Britain 
1977 Supreme Court ruled out death penalty for rapists of adults
1990 Marla Maples father sues the National Enquirer for $12M 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!

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Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. --- Eugene McCarthy "A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance." --- Benjamin Franklin "Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Be still and allow the mud to settle." --- Michelangelo
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Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Todd replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Todd interrupted, pausing at the door, ready to sprint fro his life. "I haven't added them up yet."
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The Importance of Proofing ~ It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day. ~ There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting. ~ There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental. ~ Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce. ~ In a recent edition, we referred to the past chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error. ~ Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep." ~ The marriage of Miss Freda vanAmburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.
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Former NBA star--and current Golden State Warriors head coach--Mark Jackson and pastor of True Love Worship Center in Los Angeles was blackmailed about an extramarital affair, during which he emailed pictures of his genitals and himself without clothes to a "dancer". Sordid details are at The Smoking Gun. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacole Prince, 29, Kansas City, MO Jailed After Nearly Starving Child To Death, Forcing Girl To Live In Urine Soaked Utility Closet Jacole Prince, a 29-year-old Missouri woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly starved her daughter nearly to death - forcing her to live in a urine and feces soaked closet. According to police, officers were dispatched to Prince's apartment complex after receiving a report that a little girl was being forced to live in a closet. When officers arrived at the residence, two neighbors informed them that Prince left her apartment a short time earlier with her "two daughters." The two neighbors did not realize that Prince had three daughters, because they had never seen her eldest 10-year-old daughter. After performing a forced entry into the apartment, officers followed a strong odor of urine and feces to a small utility closet that was barely large enough to hold the hot water heater inside. The closet door had been tied shut, and a portable baby crib had been pushed against the door to keep it closed. When officers asked if anyone was inside the closet, the little girl locked inside answered "yes." Investigators say police discovered a 10-year-old girl inside who was standing in a puddle of her own feces and urine. The girl was severely malnourished, weighting just 32 pounds. The victim told detectives that she had never played in the outside world and was forced to urinate inside the closet because she was rarely let out to use the restroom. She told investigators that she was rarely allowed to eat meals, and that she was routinely beaten by her mother if she urinated in her pants. Detectives are not sure how long the victim had been confined to the closet, but neighbors did not know about the girl during the five-year period they had been acquainted with Prince. Neighbors told detectives that they interacted with Prince on a regular basis, however they were never allowed into her apartment. Prince has two additional daughters that are 3 and 8 years old. She admitted to detectives that she locked her daughter in the closet because she was embarrassed over how the child looked and was afraid that child protective services would be called. The victim was taken to Children's Mercy Hospital for treatment in what will be a very long recovery process, according to experts. Hospital records revealed that the little girl weighed 26 pounds when she visited the hospital in January, 2006. She had gained just 6 pounds during the past 6 years of her life, according to an arrest affidavit. School officials say the child was enrolled in kindergarten between 2006 and 2007 - but that they have no record of the child since then. Prince was booked into the Jackson County Jail and charged with felony counts of assault, child abuse and endangering the welfare of a child. Prince's bond has been set at $200,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: PayPal Semestrial Dear Webby I got this email claiming to be from PayPal about some "Semestrial Account Maintenance". MailWasher flagged it but I was curious. Could that be legit? It has an attachment. Bonnie Dear Bonnie It is NOT legit. Dump the attachment, and dump that email, preferably right on the server, without downloading it. PayPal NEVER sends anything with attachments, never has, never will. If there is an attachment, then the mail is NOT from PayPal. PayPal does not even send liks in email. If there is a link in the email, then the mail is NOT from PayPal. At times it may seem inconvenient, when PayPal does not have any easy links in email. There is a good reason for that. They want you to get used to the fact, that THEY never put links into emails. Links are fine for newsletters, but NEVER, when PayPal, banks or utilitis are involved. If a gullible family member did click on that and open the attached form, log onto PayPal, search for the link to contact them, and tell them all about it. They will block whatever is going on, and will assist you in changing your password. Naturally, you will need the old password and all security question information, and may even have to fax them some picture ID. You may have to inform your credit card companies and banks about it too. I have no idea what the attachment does to your computer, but most likely it installs a back-door and somebody has by now copied all your important data and all browser-stored passwords. Before changing all of those, devise some password strategy, for example, pick some ridiculous word like "Br0ccolator" and add two letters for whatever the password is for. For example, the PayPal password could be Br0ccolatorPP, for FaceBook, it could be "Br0ccolatorFB", and so on. That makes it so easy to remember, that you don't have to write it down or put it into any file or have the browser store it for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ann for this one: FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital. Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda. Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered? Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital. Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent. Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent? Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is. Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas. Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents? Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here? Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent? Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving. Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this? Agent: We’ve collected a pool of cash. Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents? Agent: Yes. Pizza Man: With guns? Agent: That's right. Now, can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked. Pizza Man: No way. *Click*
Daily tip from Keep Saw from Sticking in Sappy Wood A little kerosene and used crankcase oil dripped onto its blade will keep a saw from sticking and binding as you cut hedges and other sappy wood. Source: Grandpa By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION Name: ___________________ Stage Name: __________________ Agent: ___________________ Attorney: ____________________ Therapist's Name: _________________ Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female*[ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No Please list brands of cell phones: ________. If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't: ______________________________________________ (Use extra pages, if necessary) Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead [ ] Other ___________ Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Shaving (male or female) [X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience) [ ] Lifting weights [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [ ] Snorting cocaine [ ] Smoking dope [ ] Shooting up [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Having sex [ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Discharging firearms / reloading Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to: [ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___ [ ] b) Be shot at ___ If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately: [ ] a) Call the police to report the crime. [ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high- speed chase. [ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for your 911 call not going through. [ ] d) Call your therapist. In the event of an earthquake, you should: [ ] a) Stop your car. [ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best. [ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. [ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9. In the instance of rain, you should: [ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH. [ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual. [ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is. Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week: ________ Are you presently taking any of the following medications? [ ] a) Prozac [ ] b) Zovirax [ ] c) Lithium [ ] d) Zanax [ ] e) Valium [ ] f) Medical pot [ ] g) Zoloft [ ] h) Oxycodin [ ] i) Crack [ ] j) Bath Salts [ ] k) GHC [ ] l) Good Stuff [ ] m) All of the above [ ] n) None of the above* *If none, please explain: __________________. Length of daily commute: [ ] a) Less than 1 hour* [ ] b) 1 hour [ ] c) 2 hours [ ] d) 3 hours [ ] e) 4 hours or more *If less than 1 hour, please explain: ____________________. When stopped by police, you should: [ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready. [ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the freeway. [ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit. When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it means: [ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken. [ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes. [ ] c) She is drying her nails. Which part of your car will wear out first? [ ] a) The wiper blades [ ] b) The seat belts [ ] c) The horn Automatic door locks are good for: [ ] a) Security [ ] b) Convenience [ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in. The "bright" setting on your headlights is for: [ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads [ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way [ ] c) Revenge Do you read English or Spanish? [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Don't know Do you recognize and understand any road signs other than McDonalds and Denny's? [ ] Yes [ ] No Has pot been legalized in California? [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Don't know [ ] Don't care Do you prefer cars with the turn signal factory pre-set for [ ] left [ ] right [ ] off When having sex while driving you should [ ] slow down [ ] speed up [ ] turn the turn signal on Are your mirrors adjusted for [ ] checking make-up [ ] checking the kids in the back seat [ ] your bald rear tires [ ] missing When you snort cocaine you should [ ] stomp on the gas [ ] stomp on the brake [ ] change lanes When rolling a joint while texting you should not [ ] change lanes [ ] have sex [ ] honk your horn [ ] not more than two of the above If you see an old sneaker on the freeway, do you [ ] slam on the brakes and hope you can sue the turkeys who rear-end you [ ] swerve to nail it with your tire and flip it onto somebody's winshield [ ] both If you are over the age of 75 or an illegal alien, you do not have to complete this test, you are entitled to drive.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Ben Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because the bed was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home. "Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him. "I don't have a tape measure." "You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long." "Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."
»Amazing Specturms

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