Boss key 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1517 Luther posts 95 theses on Wittenberg church-
   Protestant Reformation 
1815 Sir Humphrey Davy of London patents miner's safety lamp 
1952 1st thermonuclear bomb (H-Bomb) detonated-Marshall Islands 
1954 Algerian Revolution against French begins 
1956 Britain & France begin to bomb Egypt to reopen the Suez Canal
1968 President Johnson orders a halt to all bombing of North Vietnam 
1984 Puerto Rican tanker, San Francisco explodes spilling 2 million 
   gallons of oil as the ship caught fire
1987 A pair in Coventry, England ties the world record for the longest 
   singles tennis match at 80 hrs 21 minutes 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Life is just one damned thing after another. --- Elbert Hubbard Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
>From Rosie Dear Webby, a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler. Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ? Rosie Sure, Rosie! Here it is: Diary of a Snow Shoveler: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream! December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Peacock Decor Jaipur India
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It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jayme Sanders, 33, in Williamston, S.C. PTO President jailed for screwing daughter's boyfriend for 5 months Reported by The Weekly Vice Jayme Sanders, a 33-year-old Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) president, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex repeatedly with a 14-year-old student. According to Williamston Police, an investigation began last month when the boy's mother reported the alleged relationship. Investigators say Sanders met the boy when he became friends with her teenage daughter. Some time in April of this year, Sanders reportedly began having sex with the boy. The alleged sexual relationship continued for 5 months. Police believe the sexual encounters took place at Sanders home and inside a portable classroom at Palmetto Middle School where Sanders is the PTO president. Sanders is also a former substitute teacher at West Pelzer Elementary School. Sanders was booked into jail and charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Boss Key Dear Webby I have a really incompetent department boss, who is paranoid that everybody might be goofing around instead of working as much as she probably is. For my work I DO have to look things up, but if she walks by and sees something, that does not look boring, she stops and asks all kinds of dumb questions and just wastes my time. At one time you mentioned a key combo, that quickly hides what you are doing, but I forgot what it is and how to set it up. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie First open your most tedious looking spreadsheet to full screen size. Hit the Print Screen button to print it to memory, then jump to a graphics program and paste it as a new image. CTRL V works for that in standard programs. Save that to a place, that you can find easily. Browse to it with the FILE Explorer. Right-click it, and select: Set as background. OK, now your computer is primed and ready. When Ms Snoop waddles into sight, hold down the Windows key and hit D. All program screens instantly close, showing your desktop, which is a picture of a spreadsheet. Stare at the picture of the spreadsheet with furrowed brow, as if YOU are about to ask stupid questions. When the coast is clear, hit the Windows key and D again, and everything is miraculously restored. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round, so a bloom or two brightens my day. Source: On a quest to recycle. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

"Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a few months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me NINE months to find a priest up here! It would take me damn near as long to find a lawyer!"
Droplets of paint


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