printing booklets and books 



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Today is Monday, November 12
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Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. --- Bob Hope
>From Bess I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Air- fare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a stopover, where you have to change planes." "Where?" I asked. "Denver." "Hmmm, that is good to know!"
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."
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A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I guess so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!" An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denise Colon, 27, in Nashville, Tennessee Shoplifter attacked staff with screwdriver, car Reported by the Weekly Vice Denise Colon, a 27-year-old Nashville woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly shoplifted from a local Walmart, then stabbed one employee with a screwdriver and ran into another employee with her car while fleeing the scene. According to Nashville police, a Walmart employee attempted to stop Colon after she tried to walk out of the store with approximately $100 worth of stolen merchandise. Colon retaliated by stabbing the employee with a screwdriver before fleeing to the parking lot where her car was parked. When a second employee followed Colon to her car, Colon jumped into the vehicle and backed it into the employee. The employee that received a stab wound was treated at a local hospital for non-life threatening injuries. Court records show that this is not Colon's first run-in with the law. In 2011, she was arrested after she allegedly left a baby at a local Target retail store. The baby did not belong to Colon, and the child's mother claimed that she had nothing to do with the incident. According to state records, Colon has been arrested for shoplifting on numerous occasions. She was booked into jail and charged with theft and aggravated assault.
Tech Support Pits None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem. From: Christin Re: Printing booklets Dear Webby, Is there a formula for sorting the page numbers of booklets? I want to print them 4 pages to a sheet, 2 on the front, 2 on the back. The pagination and printing used to be done by my hubby, until he died. Trying to shuffle the pages myself is driving me crazy. Where can I get the formula for that? Christin Dear Christin There is a lot more to that than just a formula. Trying to get the printer to print the pages correctly with four or more "pages" per sheet would indeed drive you crazy, unless you are comfortable with a special type of math. You need some specialized software for doing that. I have used Clickbook since the days, when I still had a noisy Dot-Matrix printer. With ClickBook you pick one out of over 170 formats, teach it how your printer works. It needs to know which way does it print, when you take the output and drop it straight down into the input tray, without turning or flipping it. Then you tell it whether you want a blank cover or no cover, which file to print, and hit PRINT. After it prints one side, it tells you to take the stack from the output and drop it straight down into the input tray, and hit OK. When done, you simply take the output, fold it in half and pound it tight with a rubber hammer. As I mentioned, it has over 170 different formats to choose, including Tri-Fold brochures, long fold table riders, CD/DVD jewel case inserts, etc. Printng e-Books in paperback format, 4 pages per sheet, saves you an incredible amount of paper and ink / toner. Naturally, all that high math is not free, however, they kept the price of Clickbook the same for about twenty years. If you lose this link, just go to my Tool Box. It has been in there for almost twenty years, and I have never in all that time heard a single complaint about Clickbook. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My client Anita and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Anita made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly flom lasst highland ellefant!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Cosmetics Containers For Jewelry I have found that old cosmetics containers (that have been cleaned out) are great to store jewelry in for a weekend trip. It's also a great way to recycle! By craftattack Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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>From Ann I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the gates of heaven there were two lines, with signs above them. One line was labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands", and the other was labeled "Non-Henpecked Husbands." In the line labeled " Hen Pecked Husbands" was filled with men and it stretched as far far as the eye could see. The other line "non-Hen Pecked Husbands" had only one skinny bald little man with thick glasses. After surveying the two lines, St. Peter walked over to the little man in the Non-Henpecked line, grabbed his hand and told him how amazed he was at his accomplishment, and asked him "how in the world did you do it? You are the only man in this line." The little man looked at St. Peter with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Gee mister I don't know what you are talking about, my wife told me to stand here."
Currier and Ives


Today in 
324 -BC- Origin of Era of Alexander
1775 General Washington forbids enlisting blacks 
1918 Emperor Karl of Austria-Hungary abdicates
1927 Trotsky expelled from Soviet CP; Stalin becomes dictator 
1928 British steamer "Vestris" capsizes & sinks off Virginia, kills 110
1933 Nazis receive 92% of vote in Germany
1938 Hermann Goering announces he wants Madagascar 
   as a Jewish homeland 
1946 1st drive-up bank window established (Chicago) 
1948 Japanese premier Hideki Tojo sentenced to death 
   by war crimes tribunal 
1954 Ellis Island, immigration station in NY Harbor, closed 
1956 Largest observed iceberg, 208 by 60 miles, 1st sighted
  ( Gullible Warming II )
1977 New Orleans elects 1st black mayor, Ernest (Dutch) Morial 
1979 US halts Iranian oil imports & freezes Iranian assets
1984 Space shuttle astronauts snared a satellite 
   1st space salvage 
1987 Heavy snow closes schools from DC to Maine 
2012  smiled


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