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Today is Wednesday, January 23

Have FUN!

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Live always in the best company when you read. --- Sydney Smith In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared mind. --- Louis Pasteur Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. --- Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter Principle" I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker
One employee said to another, "When the boss' son starts work here next week, remember that he's not supposed to have any special privileges or authority. Treat him just like you would anyone, who is due to take over the whole company in a year or two, and be your boss."
>From Annie I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for a haircut. Without hesitation, the barber said, "When he's four."
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From Fran Dear Webby I sure am glad you talked me into getting MailWasher! All of a sudden email is useable again, and just shows the real mail, without any of the junk. Many, many thanks! Fran
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ricardo Davis, 35, Palm Bay, Florida Jailed After Biting Off Girlfriend's Thumb During Argument Reported by The Weekly Vice Ricardo Marquis Davis, a 35-year-old Palm Bay man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly bit his girlfriend's thumb off during a fight while he was driving. According to the Palm Bay Police Department, officers were called to the Holmes Regional Medical Center on reports that an unidentified woman had arrived with her thumb completely severed. When officers arrived on the scene, she had already left the hospital, but she told the staff the grisly details of how she was injured. Investigators say a nurse told police that the woman's boyfriend, later identified as Davis, was reportedly taking her to work when they began arguing. The fight became physical when the woman pushed Davis's head, and he retaliated (-or defended himself-) by biting her left thumb completely off. He then reportedly spit it out on the floorboard of the car. Officers were able to track down and question the victim, who confirmed the story. When officers later apprehended Davis, he confessed to the accusations. Davis was booked into the Brevard County Jail and charged with aggravated battery with intent to cause bodily harm. The girlfriend was not charged. Tech Support Pits From: Phil Re: Small font Dear Webby I need a small but still reasonably nice looking font. I realize that the font you use on the mug shots is very tiny but always legible. Do you write it onto abig picture and then afterwards reduce the picture size, or is that font that small? I can't find any, that does not look sloppy when a small point size is used. Phil Dear Phil Yes, I agree, most fonts look sloppy at point sizes below 10. I usually use "Calibri" for the mugshots or when I need a small but still neat font. You can get that font from many sources, and might even already have it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Counter Top Paper Towel Holder Uses When we moved into a house there was a paper towel holder installed in the kitchen and I no longer needed my countertop paper towel holder. I discovered that it was very handy in the bathroom to hold extra rolls of toilet tissue. By vinnyswoman Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he'd been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?" "Well," said the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years." "I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the take-off?" "Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!" "But once you're aloft?" "Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself." "But I still don't see how you land!" "Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! We're gonna DIEEEEEEE!!!!', then I pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!"
» Ice magic

Today, Jan 22, in 
0638 Start of Islamic calendar
1265 1st English Parliament formally convened
1490 1st printing of Ramban's Sha'ar ha-Gemul
1492 "Pentateuch" (Jewish holy book) 1st printed
1552 2nd version of Book of Common Prayer becomes mandatory 
   in England
1556 Most deadly earthquake kills 830,000 in Shansi Province, China
1631 France & Sweden sign anti-German Treaty of Bärwald
1668 England, Netherlands & Sweden signs Triple Alliance 
   against French
1719 Principality of Liechtenstein created within Holy Roman Empire
1861 Agoston Haraszthy, 1st vintner in Sonoma Valley, 
  imports 100,000 cuttings of 350 varieties from Europe
1909 1st radio rescue at sea
1916 Temp falls from 44ºF (7ºC) to -56ºF (-49ºC) 
   night of 23-24, Browning MT
1932 El Salvador army kills 4,000 protesting farmers
1943 British 8th army marches into Tripoli
1950 Israeli Knesset resolves that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel
1968 Spy ship USS Pueblo & 83-man crew seized in Sea of Japan by N Korea
1970 US launches 2nd generation weather satellite, ITOS 1
1972 Entire population of Istanbul under 24 hour house arrest
1973 Helgafell, island of Heimaey Iceland erupts for 1st 
   time in 7,000 years
1973 President Nixon announces an accord has been reached
   to end the Vietnam War
1983 Russian radioactive satellite falls into Indian Ocean
1984 Greatest unpaced 1-hour bicycle distance, 
   F Moser (Italy), 51.15 km
1987 Japan exceeds military spending cap of 1% of GNP 
   ($23 billion)
1988 Experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan & 
   Jeana Yeager, complete 1st nonstop, round-the-world flight 
   without refueling lands
1998 Pope John Paul II condemns US embargo against Cuba 
2013  smiled

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