Image Stabilizer 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 7

Have FUN!

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The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $10." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents." "Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you got any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during office hours."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sailor's garden shed
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jamie Jeanette Craft Woman charged with DWI after trying to drive off in toy truck Reported by the Huffington Post A Jonesboro woman was arrested on DWI charges after police say she slammed into a mobile home then tried to leave the scene of the accident in a child’s battery-operated truck. Jamie Jeanette Craft, 29, is also charged with public intoxication, refusal to submit, disorderly conduct, leaving the scene of an accident with property damage and driving while license cancelled, suspended or revoked. Just 5:30 p.m. Sunday officers were called to 4303 Aggie Road. According to a witness, Craft was traveling at a “high rate of speed” when her 2001 Pontiac Grand Am rounded a corner and hit the under panel of his trailer. Another witness told police that Craft, who was dressed in a white sweat shirt with no pants or shoes on, began yelling at him. According to the police report, she grabbed the man’s daughter and got into his son’s Power Wheels truck. The man told police he grabbed his children and took them to his parent’s house. When he came back out he said Craft was still in the toy truck “trying to drive it.” After he and his father made her get out of the truck, the man told police she began yelling and walked to her mother’s house. That’s where police found her when they arrived. They say she was also “irate and very intoxicated.” Officer Scott Byrd administered a portable breathalyzer test to Craft. “Because she could barely stand,” he and Officer Cody Coley had to hold her shoulders “so that she would not fall over,” according to Byrd’s report. Byrd reported the PBT gave a reading of .217 blood alcohol content, which is nearly three times the legal limit. During the investigation, Officer Coley reported Craft “started to yell and scream.” She continued to scream after she was placed into custody and began to kick the door of his police car, he reported. Craft “continued to be very disorderly and uncooperative” once she arrived at Craighead County Detention Center, according to the report. She put on a nce smile for the mug-shot, though. Craft was left at the jail in lieu of $2,067 surety bond. Tech Support Pits From: Julie Re: Image stabilizer Dear Webby I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is no substitute for a sturdy tripod. Julie Dear Julie An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds of jittering around and electronically locks that for a second or two. It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you, for example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game, get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer off. Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off for butterflies and humming birds. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Use Kool-Aid to Dye Easter Eggs Instead of using expensive Easter egg dye kits use packets of Kool-Aid instead. It's much less expensive and you don't have to end up with all of the doo dads included in each dye kit package that you'll probably not use. All you need to do is mix one packet of Kool-Aid with 3/4 cup warm water in small glass bowls. For colors the following Kool-Aid flavors work the best: red = cherry orange = orange yellow = lemonade plus a little bit of orange green = lime blue = berry blue By Deeli Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

A passenger in Rusty's taxi tapped him on the shoulder to ask him a question. Rusty screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the bank, and stopped six inches from a large window. For a moment everything went quiet in the cab, then Rusty said, "Look man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." Rusty calmed down a little and replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
» Cute & Funny Pix

Today, March 7, in 
-0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died.
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce.
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
  massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners.
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed.
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved.
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone.
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved 
  in parts of South Carolina.
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok.
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot 
  a black man accused of murder.
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote.
1908 Cincinnati's mayor, Mark Breith announced before 
  the city council that, "Women are not physically fit 
  to operate automobiles."
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker.

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. 
  sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico.
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany.
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia.
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented.
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
  in Florida.
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland (German
  s[eaking areas taken by France after WWI) in violation of 
  the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles.
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea.
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
  at Remagen, Germany.
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
 Operation Ripper against the Chinese.
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey 
  competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world 
  ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden.
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end.
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
  massacre in Katyn.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke 
  fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that 
  does not require permission from the copyright holder.
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
  $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a 
  legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
  J. Howard Marshall II.
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.
2012 The successor to Apple's iPad2 was unveiled. 
2013  smiled

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