How to filter out Chinese spam 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 11.

>From Dr Bill
I am interested in the beer - but I've been making it for 
years - love to tip a bottle with you some day - maybe 
your readers don't know that you can buy the bottles with 
the self-stopper attached so you don't need a capper? - 
I also buy and save up Groelsch beer bottles for that reason.

That book has sources for everything needed for small batch
home brewing. AND you can easily even brew non-alcoholic beer,
that has the same taste and all the micro-nutrients and complex
B vitamines needed to boost immunity.

My dad is 90, and he has never had a flu shot, instead he has a
non-alcoholic beer with many meals. He doesn't drive any more,
but just got used to the non-alcoholic beer and is not about
to change now.

>From Carol
Dear Webby, Regarding the off shore bomb:  Wouldn't the tsumani 
go both ways and destroy parts of the west coast of Japan?

Dear Carol
Compared to an earthquake, a bomb is nothing.

An earth-quake, for example from a plate or shelf moving, 
gives the water a shove in ONE direction. Sure it spreads 
eventually, but the main thrust is in one direction.

With a bomb, the push is omnidirectional, in all directions, 
and diminishing with the cube of the distance. 
It would be measurable, but would not be catastrophic a few 
hundred miles away. Like most of the stuff from tsunami 
warnings, just barely measurable. 

An H bomb, not a little Plutonium type bomb, like they
have themselves, but a big, noisy H bomb,
3-4 miles off the coast of North Korea gong off a 
few hundred feet under water sure would get them wet, and 
the bang would give them the hint, without killing a lot 
of civilians, not like the bombs did in Japan.

However, even in Japan, those 2 little nukes killed a lot 
fewer civilians, than they had killed with the fire-bombing. 
Those 2 little nukes made one hell of a bang, that scared 
their pants off. They have been the most polite and respectful
people on this planet ever since.

THAT is the idea. 
Same as the way to deal with a yapping Chihuahua. 
You place a cardboard box near where they are yapping, and 
flatten it with one mighty swipe of the big broom. 
They get the hint and become reasonable in mid-yap.

Have FUN!

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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. --- Larry Gelbart The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. --- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "H ello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" and then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked who it was. The man said he didn't know. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked again about the caller. The man said he didn't know who it was. The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?" He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, 'Long distance from Chicago..'"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room. The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins. He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team. A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets. He was so a happy, and said, "Isn't that a coincidence -- I work for 3M." The other father took off like a shot -- the nurse ran after him, saying, "Where are you going?" Over his shoulder, the nurse heard him mumbling something about his work at 7UP, and heading for Mexico.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Feenstra, 30, Houston, Texas Married Teacher Jailed For Having Long-Term Lesbian Relationship With Student Reported by the Weekly Vice Amanda Feenstra, a 30-year-old dance teacher at Humble High School, has been jailed after she allegedly engaged in a long-term sexual relationship with a female student. According to Police, Feenstra allegedly became involved in a sexual relationship with a female student that lasted for more than a year. Police believe the alleged relationship began in August 2010 and continued through November 2011. Investigators say the student, who was on the dance team Feenstra taught, was 16 years old when she and Feenstra met. That's when Feenstra allegedly approached the girl and told her that she was attracted to her and wanted to get to know her. Feenstra and the teen began spending time with each other from that point forward. During a police interview, the student told detectives that she and Feenstra had sex so many times, she couldn't remember them all. The first sexual encounter took place at Feenstra's home when her husband was away. During that encounter, Feenstra allegedly kissed and "dry humped" the student. On the second sexual encounter, Feenstra allegedly performed oral sex on the teen. She also reportedly used an "erect vibrating penis" on the girl during some of the sexual encounters, according to the arrest affidavit. As the relationship continued, Feenstra and the student had sex inside the dance teacher's office, at extra-curricular school events and Feenstra's home when her husband was away. At some point the student decided to end the relationship and thought that graduating from the school would bring the relationship to a close. That's when Feenstra allegedly began stalking the girl by showing up at her work uninvited and calling her on the phone. This is the point in which the girl "thought she needed to talk to someone," according to the arrest report. The student approached another teacher at the school, and the teacher notified the school principal. Feenstra resigned her position with the Humble School District in 2011 and began working in the Daytom school district a short time after. She resigned her position with Dayton ISD in December after the criminal investigation began. Feenstra was booked into jail and charged with improper relationship between educator and student. Her bond has been set at $30,000. Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Filter out Chinese spam Dear Webby, I bet you were expecting this. How do you filter out Chinese spam? I don't read or understand Chinese, and I am not in the least interested in spam from morons, who expect me to learn Chinese to be able to read their unsolicited crap. So, how do I dump it, unseen, on the server? Edith Dear Edith If the entire header contains RegExpr" Content-type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(gb2312|euc-cn|big5)" then mark the message as mail to be deleted, automatically. Just copy and paste the part for the value field. For Korean spam, if you are sure it is not fan mail from Kim Young-One, use: If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(ks_c_5601-1987|euc-kr|iso-2022-kr)" then mark the message as mail to be deleted, automatically. That should remove 10 - 15% of your spam. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Natural Cleaning for Spring It's that time of the year to spring clean. It's better to make your own cleaners; no harsh chemicals, cheaper, and it's better for the environment. To clean my kitchen and bathroom counters, I sprinkle baking soda on them and then scrub with a cleaning brush. To clean windows, I use 2 tablespoons of white vinegar with a gallon of water. Put in a spray bottle and you're all set. You can also use lemon juice instead of vinegar which smells good. Instead of buying expensive drain cleaner for clogged drains, I use 2 cups of baking soda. Pour into the drain and then pour hot water from the teapot in. It works really well. By Debbie G. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Flying to San Francisco from San Diego the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, up front there are 17 University of San Diego girls going to San Francisco for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Navy recruits out on weekend liberty. "What would you do?"
Amazon Rainforest Critters

Today, March 11, in 
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome.
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day 
  according to William Shakespeare.
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
  Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria.
1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian 
  Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian 
  to lead the Bureau.
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted.
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace 
  overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger.
1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement 
  with Nicaragua.
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
  purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie 
  the world's richest man.
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to 
  revoke its anti-Japanese legislation.
1927 The Flatheads Gang stole $104,250 in the first armored-car 
  robbery near Pittsburgh, PA.
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in 
  an effort to end arms smuggling to the South.
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 
  1,000th career goal.
1978 Palestinian guerrillas on the Tel Aviv Haifa highway killed 
  34 Israelis.
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. 
  It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist 
1991 In South Africa a curfew was imposed on black townships after 
  fighting between political gangs had left 49 dead.
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration 
  was not giving enough economic aid to Russia.
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty 
  refusing to open sites for inspection.
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 
  workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident 
  was the worst in Japan's history.
2004 In Madrid, Spain, several coordinated bombing attacks on commuter 
  trains killed at least 190 people and injured more than 2,000. 
2013  smiled

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