Directory listing to edible file 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 14

Thank you, William!


Feds buy 100 years worth of ammo for Homeland Security!
Next, they are going to buy guns, that require different
ammo. 

Nothing to worry about. Nobody is going to shoot at you.
It's just routine commission based kick-backs, 
pork-barreling and job creation. 
That's how Government works.

Rumors have it, that they are going to sell the obsolete 
guns to Mexico, in order to put the gun shops in Arizona
and Texas out of business, and they are apparently planning
to sell all the no longer matching ammo to some Arabic 
speaking guy, so that the local gun nuts can't buy it at 
Army Surplus and have fun at the gravel pit.

Nothing personal, that's just how the Government works.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. --- James Feibleman Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. --- Peter Borden
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," a boy said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. Why do you want a little brother"? "Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on my dog."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Two guys had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost nineteen years. If I took it down, I would go out of business."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul, 62 and Wendy, 56, Marshallsea, in Merthyr Tydfil, South Wales, Britain Fired for shark wrestling while on paid sick leave Reported by Sun Metro Holidaying for two months in Australia, while on paid sick leave, did not go over well. It was not reported whether the very young shark was trying to play with the kids or had inadvertently gotten washed up too high on the shore and was lost. Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: Directory listing to editable file Dear Webby I forgot how to get to DOS, so that I can send an editable directory listing to a file. I know you told us a few times, but now I got Windoze7 and that is more blonde than my pretty wife. Thanks Ed Dear Ed You can send your wife over here. To open DOS, use the File Explorer Right-Click START Windos File Explorer browse to the folder, that you are interested in. Hold CTRL SHIFT and RIGHT-click Select: Open Command Window Here Yes, I know it is a silly rigamarole, but Microsoft figures that is good for you. Once you have the DOS Window open, type dir /? That will show you all the different options for the DIR command. Most likely you will want the Bare format, sorted by extensions. That would be dir /b /o:e Or with all the info, sorted by size: dir /o:s You will be amazed at the speed! OK, now to send that to a file named somedir.txt in the root directory: dir /o:s > c:\somedir.txt Naturally, you can send it to any file of your choosing. It will seem that nothing happened when you hit Enter with that on the command line. That is because DOS is so fast. Don't worry, the listing will be in that file! Then open Quattro or Calc or Excel and open that file. It will ask you if you want it sorted into columns, etc. Yes, yes, yes. Once it has imported it, it will still be sorted like you had specified, but neatly shuffled into columns. Now you can delete entrie columns and format it all quite neatly for printing. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Foam Bath Mats for Leather Car Seats I found our leather seats so cold during the winter, and when I wore shorts or a dress in the summer, I stuck to the seat. Ouch! You can buy seat covers, but they are quite a pain to put on and take off. I came up with an inexpensive, very comfy solution, memory foam bath mats. You can get them at most department or bath stores in various colours and sizes, but I got this one at Walmart. By Ann from Goulais River, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?" "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where we're going when I'm driving."
The Food Chain


Today, March 14, in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
  to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad 
  on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty.
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin.
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in 
  East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza.
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
  bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
  telephone links across the Channel.
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the 
  ratification of the Gold Standard Act.
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered 
  Mendel's laws of heredity.
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would 
  have relaxed restrictions on polygamy.
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
  after their war.
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
  with Germany in naval strength.
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
  to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a 
  car from 12 hours to 93 minutes.
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
  off the Chilean coast.
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
  committed suicide.
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only 
 judge is God and itself.
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. 
  Slovakia declared its independence.
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by 
  the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Bielefeld railway 
  viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II.
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines.
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R.
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the 
  Korean War.
1954 The Viet Minh launched an assault on Dien Bien Phu in Saigon.
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista 
  government of Cuba.
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and 
  Cooperation with the Soviet Union.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon.
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
  after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
  54 Pakistani prisoners.
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
  President George H.W. Bush.
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for 
  an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root 
  out Islamic militants.
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran.
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
  Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2013  smiled


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