Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 16.

How do they make the white or black smoke in the papal
election?

White smoke is from the ballot papers and some socks.
Black smoke is from the ballots and some sneakers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the 
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; 
the point is to discover them.
--- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)  



Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning 
coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. 
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency 
has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered 
side of the streets." 
Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Well, okay." 
 
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their 
cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, 
"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow 
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on 
the even numbered side of the streets.
"Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Well, okay." 
 
Three days later, again they both are sitting down 
with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, 
"There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow 
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars 
on the..." 
and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the 
rest of the instructions. 
He says to Lena, "What am I going to do now, Lena?" 
 
Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the 
garage."



Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you!
Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97!

What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology
some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the
time and two to ten times the crop per square foot?
Yes, it sure is!

It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces
all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that 
cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish.
Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal!

You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book
tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes
and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs.

If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab
Aquaponics, while it is on sale!
AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books!

By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!



Thanks to Jim for this story. The season is a bit off,
but by summer I would likely forget it.

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, 
learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That 
summer, the area had experienced an infestation of 
rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one 
magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, 
as several men had already been bitten. 

So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, 
at snakes that the post commander demanded that every 
officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the 
dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was
justifiable. 

The next day, the post commander entered his office 
and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, 
revealing a very live rattlesnake. Inside the box 
also were twenty expended cartridges, and a short 
note. The note said, "I missed!" 
 



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Dale Arave, 

Drunk driver goes into Home Depot rampage

RIVERDALE, Utah — A drunk driver who smashed his truck into 
sheds, a swing set and light post in a Home Depot parking 
lot is facing multiple charges.

KSL-TV reports that Riverdale police arrested 38-year-old 
Dale Arave on Wednesday. Part of Arave’s rampage was 
videotaped by a shopper and later used as evidence by police.

Riverdale Police Lt. James Ebert says Arave refused to get 
out of his truck after the vehicle hit a curb and became 
high centered.

Arave is facing multiple charges, including criminal 
mischief. Police found two handguns and three rifles 
in this truck. All were loaded. None were used when he
resisted exiting the truck. Possibly he was just too 
drunk to jump out of the truck as quickly as police
expected.

Arave says he drank large amounts of whiskey. His family 
members say he is going through personal problems and is 
despondent.

The damage to the store is estimate to be $20,000.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 

Tech Support Pits
From: Inga
Re: Extensions hidden in W7

Dear Webby
I am used to seeing the file extensions in the Windows File
Explorer. How is that accomplished in Blonde Windoze?
Thanks
Inga

Dear Inga
Open the File Explorer
Click on Tools
Folder Options
View
and in there take off the checkmarks from
Hide Extensions for nown file types.

Then tell it to apply it to all folders.

Keep in mind, though, Internet shortcuts are stored like
files, but withut an extension. DUH! 

If you got things set correctly, and still don't see
an extension, then it is either an Internet shortcut,
or a file without an extension.

While you are in there, sort by file type.
If you see a bunch of zip files in your email Attachment 
directory, dump them. They are mal ware. Only scammers
and hackers send zip files by email.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Surprise Guests With Flowers in the Bathroom 
Having a party? Give your guests something more to talk 
about than the food and who did not show up. Surprise 
them with a bathtub full of lilacs. They're fun and 
inexpensive. They are in bloom just in time for graduation. 
It will be a party to remember, I promise.

By Joanne from Fond du Lac, WI 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Guilt-FREE Deserts! Plus Bonus books


Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding?
Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. 
It includes all the jokes and coaching you need 
to be a smash hit!



Thanks to Big Frank for this Classic:
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when 
he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. 

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and 
tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes 
of her screaming parents. 

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits 
the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go 
of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified 
parents, who thank him endlessly. 

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter 
addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most 
gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' 

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, 
the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in 
danger and acted as I felt right.' 

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go 
unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will 
have this story on the front page.
So, what do you do for a living and what political 
affiliation do you have?' 

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' 

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see 
news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: 
 
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS
YOUNG AFRICAN IMMIGRANT
AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the 
news these days.
Big Frank





Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little
nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went
blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary
school when a situation like this arose -- repeat your last
point. Often this will help you remember what should come
next. So he gave it a try.

"Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank.
So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing.

He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he
tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage,
right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.

The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apolo-
gize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man.
It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you.
After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"



» Calvin Nichools Paper Cut-Ups






Today, March 16, in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England.
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
  Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives.
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
  later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
  tribe in Maine who spoke English. He greeted the Pilgrims 
  by saying, "Welcome, Englishmen! My name is Samoset."
1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law.
1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was 
  completed at Glasgow.
1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru.
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks 
  after the inauguration of Gomez.
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
  liquid-fuel rocket.
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated 
  the Versailles Treaty.
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia.
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. 
  However, small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed.
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv.
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine.
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
  mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
  My-Lai massacre.
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit 
  for human consumption.
1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy 
  to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on 
  her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. 
  She was also banned from amateur figure skating.
1994 Russia agreed to slowly phase out production of 
  weapons-grade plutonium.
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 
  125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
  announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
  and financial mismanagement.
2013  smiled

[ view entry ] ( 519 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 629 )

---

<<First <Back | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | Next> Last>>

- Page Generated in 0.1273 seconds | Site Views: 7