Fake CNN headlines spam 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 19.

Hillary kicked off her presidential campaign by getting all
the divorce lawyers on her side with a carefully crafted
and meticulously rehearsed speech in favor of same sex 
marriage. It sounded really phony compared to Madonna's
speech on the same topic, even though Madonna was dressed
in a thilly Boy Scout uniform. 

Have FUN!

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Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb Love truth, and pardon error. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
>From Kim I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches. So when I went into labor and he couldn't drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction. Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrance, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room. "No, it's my wife," he told her. "She's in Labor." "Where is she?" the nurse asked. "She's parking the car and bringing in the bags."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf." With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock off the Peeping Tom routine? I'm trying to poop!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachelle Braaten, 24, and Tyler Lee, 25 in Centralia, WA Couple Jailed After Video Shows Mother Letting Toddler Inhale Bong Hit Rachelle Braaten, 24, and Tyler Lee, 25, were jailed after they allegedly forced their 22-month-old son to smoke marijuana out of a bong. According to Centralia police, an investigation was launched after detectives received a cell phone video from an anonymous witness that showed a mother placing a smoke filled marijuana bong up to her child's face, so that he could inhale from it. Investigators say the room erupted in laughter after the toddler began coughing from the smoke. Police took the child's parents into custody at their residence. A search of the residence turned up 40 marijuana plants and several firearms. The toddler, as well as his 5-year-old brother, were removed from the residence and placed into protective custody. During a police interview, Lee admitted to selling marijuana to a dispensary, but denied being at the residence when the video was recorded. Braaten was booked into the Lewis County Jail and charged with manufacture of marijuana and delivery of a controlled substance to a minor. Her bail was set at $20,000. Lee was booked into jail and charged with unlawful possession of a firearm (because he is a convicted felon) and manufacturing marijuana. He was released on Monday. Tech Support Pits From: Anna Re: Russian spam Dear Webby I got a whole bunch of addresses, and I am getting phony CNN Headline News to each of them. The underlying URL to click on is some Russian domain. There are no Cyrillic characters in the spam, so the filter I got from you, does not catch it. How do I catch it? Anna Dear Anna Yes, I got those silly spams too. What is common with all of them is .ru/ part of the URL of some Russian attack site. If you don't expect any legitimate mail from Russia, simply filter for that. In Mailwasher you make a filter like this: ANY Rule below IF the entire header CONTAINS .ru/ IF the body of the email CONTAINS .ru/ then mark it for deleting automatically. After you make that filter, you will never see a spam with a hidden Russian URL again. That filter does not care wether the URL is visible or hidden. Either way it opens the trap-door to hell. Now I have to modify that filter and make it make an exception for mail from humor@webby.com, otherwise it would dump my test copy of the Humor Letter too. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Cookie Cutters at the Thrift Store Brand new cookie cutters can be quite expensive. The reality is that many people purchase cutters and then don't use them. Quite often you can find cookie cutters at the thrift store that are like new. The best part is that they are sold at a fraction of the original price. We recently found a large bag full of cookie cutters for $5.99 at Goodwill! It is well worth looking the next time you need cookie cutters. By lalala... Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been advocating since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "Nah." was the reply. A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" the man said indignantly. "That's not my dog." was the answer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I got this one from Roland many years ago : Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts. Ole is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home. When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens." Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?" Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?" Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
Nasca Lines

Today, March 19, in
0721 -BC- 1st recorded lunar eclipse; Location, Babylon  
1452 Frederick III of Hapsburg crowned Roman German Emperor
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila.
1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen.
1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court 
  committed suicide.
1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men 
  while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River
1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews 
  right to colonize in the U.S.
1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The City Bank 
  of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery.
1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool 
  killing 738.
1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of 
  Knossos Palace in Greece.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval 
  bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda.
1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time.
1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time by 
  an American pilot.
1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces 
  took the Honduran capital.
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling.
1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze planes 
  attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan.
1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the 
  destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied 
  hands as German forces were retreating.
1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan, 
  the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party.
1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was 
  tested in Alamogordo, NM.
1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six 
  Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism.
1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies.
1969 British invaded Anguilla.
1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into 
  the Columbia River.
1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the 
  PCjr consumer-oriented computer.
1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of 
  the MX missile.
1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a 
  scandal involving Jessica Hahn.
1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a 
  funeral in Belfast, North Ireland.
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs 
  in Yokohama, Japan.
2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered 
  the first of two days of rolling blackouts.
2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces 
  had launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" 
  in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided 
  bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad.
2013  smiled

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