Protect a laptop keyboard 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 6.

Thank you, Norm!

Britain reported that during the unusually cold March a bit 
over 5000 MORE people froze to death in Britain than in any 
March in recent history. They are quite casual about elders not
having enough money for extra coal or gas, but they do track
the deaths meticulously, to ensure that no relatives cash 
checks on behalf of frozen Brits. However, they claim that
they had issued 635,000 MORE "Cold Weather Payments" than 
they sent out in previous years. 

"Cold Weather Payments" are additional supplemental funds 
sent out to needy elders when average temperatures 
drop below historic seasonal averages for 7 days or more.

There is very little talk about Gullible Warming in England
these days. Maybe it will happen after the next ice age?

Even here in North America, talk about man made grain fuel 
(CO2) causing gullible warming is rather muted these days.
The "scientists" who had frantically and hysterically 
screeched about a hockey stick curve have come to realise
that there does not seem to be any relation between 
grain fuel and climate.

Actually, there IS a relation, but as I have pointed 
out for a dozen years, it is the other way around. 
Grain Fuel, like everything in nature, lags years behind, 
and is an indicator, of what kind of climate we HAD.
It is an indicator, not a cause!

If you look  at it that way, then all of a sudden the
pretty curves match.

Too bad Al Gore and the Jewish Mother-In-Law club can't
use that to make you feel guilty and donate money for them
to administer!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
>From Fran Can you please run that Mammogram classic joke again? Thanks Fran I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity, when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt backkk." Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her empty head ended up between the clamps.
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A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't usually bite, do you?!"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jaamid Ade Zaid, 33, San Jose, California Jailed After Driving Car Through Walmart Entrance, Beating Customers With Metal Bar Reported by The Weekly Vice Jaamid Ade Zaid, a 33-year-old California man, was jailed after he drove his car into a San Jose Walmart, stepped out of the car and then began beating bystanders with a blunt metal object. According to San Jose Police, officers were dispatched to a local Walmart after receiving reports that someone had driven a vehicle into the store. Witnesses at the scene told police that a man, later identified as Zaid, was seen speeding through the Walmart parking lot before crashing into two cars. Zaid then crashed through the store's Pharmacy and market entrance after a first attempt to drive into the store failed. Zaid's vehicle came to rest after it was eventually stopped by a stack of beer cases. That's when Zaid allegedly jumped out of the car, picked up a metal bar and began beating customers and a store employee with it. Zaid struck a 61-year-old employee in the head when the employee stepped towards the vehicle to assist the situation. The employee is now recovering at a local hospital. Three people were taken to the hospital, two of them are listed in serious condition. Six more people were treated at the scene. Zaid's rampage came to an end when a group of onlookers dog piled on top of him and held him down until police arrived. Investigators said Zaid appeared to be under the influence of methamphetamine. Zaid was booked into the Santa Clara County Jail and charged with assault with a deadly weapon and felony hit and run. He currently remains held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: Protect laptop keyboard Dear Webby One of the Thrifty Fun tips mentioned putting Saran wrap over a keyboard. Is is safe to do that on a laptop? Sarah Dear Sarah NO! Most defiitely NOT! Modern laptops breathe through your keyboard. They pull air in at the bttom or back, and exhaust some or all of it through the keyboard. Just get a comfortable keyboard for $10 - $20 and plug it into a USB hub. If you leave your laptop running to avoid the tedious start-up, set lid closing to cause "Hibernating". That way you can close the lid when you are done, and let it idle down to where there are just some LEDs left on, and it can cool off. That way there is no problem with cats sleeping on the warm keyboard and causing your computer to overheat. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Upcycle Sneakers as Garden Planters I couldn't bear to toss my favorite gardening sneaks. So I used them for planters instead. I nailed them to a fence post and planted some orphaned pole beans in them. Even if I get no beans from the plants, it will be an interesting look. Source: My own frugalicity :) By ~gloria from upstate NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
Liven Up Your Home With Over 7250 Breathtaking Landscaping Designs Simply copy one or some of the 7250 Designs, Instructions & Videos and build the tandscape tou tlways tanted! WITHOUT Hiring Costly Professional Landscape Designers. That makes it easier and affordable. Get 7250 Landscaping Ideas Now!

I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed this question to the students: Why do people choose to have their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their estate? After students offered various theories, one fellow raised his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but when I was little, when my brother and sister finished playing with me, they usually put me into a drawer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!! Research on bread indicates that: 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made: 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
the Smithsonian

Today, April 6, in
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the 
  siege of the castle of Chaluz in France.
1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension 
  from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at 
  Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor.
1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church 
  in Seneca, NY.
1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low 
  when Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by 
  settlers from the U.S.
1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in Tennessee.
1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple 
  telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time.
1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece.
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be 
  the first men to reach the North Pole.
1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on 
  Germany and entered World War I on the Allied side.
1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria.
1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia.
1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's 
  power be reduced.
1957 Trolley cars in New York City completed their final runs.
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of 
  ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam, then later
  stabbed them in the back with defunding.
1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and 
  freed 200 prisoners.
1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of 
  intense ethnic riots in Kosovo.
1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give 
  free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation 
  exposure to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in 
  nuclear tests from 1945 to 1962.
1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart 
  recipient to be discharged from the hospital.
1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily 
  tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among 
  high-risk women.
1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles 
  capable of attacking neighboring India. 
2013  smiled

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