How to get rid of Delta? 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 13.

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I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid. --- John Gotti A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"
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While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?" the checker asked. "Yes," the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!" said the checker.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tuesday Parks, 31, in Rogers, Arkansas Jailed for having too many illegal pills Reported by The Weekly Vice Tuesday Parks, a 31-year-old Arkansas Woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly attacked her boyfriend for attempting to take away her pills, then hid a bottle of pills inside her vagina. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence after receiving a report regarding a domestic disturbance. When officers arrived on the scene, Parks appeared to be highly intoxicated and was verbally combative with anyone who tried to talk to her. Parks' boyfriend told officers that a struggle broke out when he attempted to take away some prescription pills that were in her possession. That's when Parks allegedly threw her boyfriend against a door and began choking him. Officers noted redness and swelling around the boyfriend's neck. Officers then learned that Parks had instructed her young daughter to hide her pills throughout the residence. The pills were rounded up and given to officers. When officers took Parks into custody, they found a marijuana pipe and more prescription pills in her pocket. Officers collected 73 pills from various prescriptions in all. Investigators say Parks made "numerous furtive movements" during her trip to jail and kept unbuttoning her pants. During the booking process, a strip search was conducted which revealed a prescription bottle containing 45 more pills hidden inside her vagina. Parks attempted to throw the bottle into a nearby toilet and then flush them down, however deputies were able to recover the pill bottle. Parks was booked into the Washington County Detention Center and charged with aggravated assault, introducing a controlled substance into a secure facility, tampering with evidence, third-degree domestic battery, endangering the welfare of a minor and unlawfull possession of prescription medication. Her bond has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits FROM: Samantha RE: FireFox opens a banned page Dear Webby, Whenever I try to open a new tab, FireFox goes to a site, that McAfee Site Advisor objects to. Samantha Dear Samantha What is the URL that you get hijacked to? DearWebby Delta Search Dear Samantha Dealta Search is a nasty hijacker, that you or somebody agreed to in lieu of paying for software. Some sleazy stuff foists that on you, AND claims to be free. Well, lots of people have fallen for that scam, and tehre are quite a few sites, that offer removal instructions. Here is a roundup of the most popular Delta Search removal sites. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Use Leftover Candle Wax for Firestarters I save our empty toilet and paper towel tubes, stuff them with waste paper and junk mail or even pine cones. Then I melt my small, leftover candle pieces in a old candle warmer, or in a tin can that is placed in a pot of water on the stove just until it melts. I pour the melted candle over the tubes. Make sure you either do this over a garbage can or stack of papers so you don't spill candle wax anywhere! That's a whole other tip! ;) I use these little firestarters when we go camping to start our fires or even to start our woodburning stove up from a cold start! Makes starting fires a little easier. Kids can help stuff them all year round and dream about summer camping! By Donna Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
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These are actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, AL metropolitan area. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section." A: The caesarian section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
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Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if both of you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."
Amazing graveyards

Today, April 13, in
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes 
 which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots.
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle 
 of Bergen.
1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act 
 to South, Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey 
 and Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country 
 other than Britain and Ireland.
1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance.
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion 
 to Catholics.
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed.
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when 
 a westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from 
 St. Joseph, MO.
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held 
 Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederates.
1916 The first hybrid, seed corn was purchased 
 for 15-cents a bushel by Samuel Ramsay.
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian 
 nationalists in the Amritsar Massacre.
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was 
 completed by Lord Clydesdale.
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia.
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops a month after 
 Austria stopped fighting..
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that 
 cortizone was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis.
1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from 
 voting for Communists.
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into 
 Earth's orbit.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa 
 due to apartheid.
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded 
 announced price increases. The John F. Kennedy 
 administration had been applying pressure against the 
 price increases.
1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing 
 a planned moon landing.
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the 
 World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish
 officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously 
 blamed the massacre on the Nazis.
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural
 birth to a healthy baby lamb.
1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 
 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. 
 Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes" 
 in 1998.
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a 
 day after taking office. Thousands of protesters had 
 protested the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 
2013  smiled

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