Monday, April 29, 2013, 10:28 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, April 29.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
--- Donald H. Rumsfeld
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous,
the sensible man hardly anything.
-=- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a
London bus for five miles along its route, all the while
attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the
conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up:
"You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please,
and 10p for your suitcase."
The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare,
just got on this vera moment."
They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more
and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over
London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls
it out of the bus.
It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.
The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the
ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge
me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me
boy Jonny."
Back during the days of the Soviet Union, it took 10 years
to get a car after you paid for one.
Once, a young guy went to the car dealership to order a car.
He paid the money, and the asked when can he come and get
the car.
"It will be here, waiting for you, exactly 10 years from
today".
The man signed the papers, started waliking away and then
stooped, turned and asked the salesman: "Wait, will it be
ready at the morning or at the afternnon".
"What difference does it make?", asked the salesman.
"Well", answered the man, "the plumber is coming in
the morning".
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Sequoia National Park Sierra Nevada
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Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Sara Elizabeth Soto, 25, Weatherford, Texas
Jailed After Crawling Naked Through Couple's Doggy
Door, Attempting To Find Phone In Their Bath Tub
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Sara Elizabeth Soto, a 25-year-old Texas woman, was jailed
Tuesday after she allegedly crawled naked into a couple's
home through a doggy door and was later found sitting in
their bath tub.
According to police, officers were dispatched to a
Weatherford residence around 1:45 a.m. Tuesday morning after
the homeowner called 911 to report that an unknown naked
woman was sitting in his bath tub.
Investigators say Soto removed the dress she was wearing so
that she would be able to crawl through the couple's doggy
door.
The couple became alarmed when they thought they heard a
noise in their kitchen. When the husband went to investigate,
he found that the doggy door attachment had been damaged.
Since the couple did not own a pet, the husband assumed that
a wild animal had entered the residence. While going room to
room to search for the animal, he discovered a naked Soto
sitting in his bath tub.
Arriving officers found Soto's black dress on the back porch
and asked her to put it back on. During questioning, Soto
stated that she had done nothing wrong and was merely trying
to use the telephone.
She was booked into the Parker County Jail and charged with
criminal trespass and criminal mischief. Her bond has been
set at $4,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Lex
Re: Which Laptop
Dear Webby
Thank you so much for you very informative as well as
delightful newsletter. Please advise me as to what laptop
I should invest in. I have a pc at home, but I will begin
traveling with my job within the next two weeks,
(for a week at a time) and want to continue my computer
usage. My needs are rather basic such as sending email,
research on the net, keeping records/notes, yahoo
messenger to communicate with my friends and family
while away and staying in hotels. I would appreciate you
being very explicit as to what you think I should purchase
since I am not very computer literate.
Thanking you in advance for any help you might offer.
An Avid Dear Webby reader
Lex
Dear Lex
Avoid Windows 8. Even salesmen are reluctant to use it.
You are limited to Windows 7 with 4 or 8 GB of RAM.
Choose 8.
The same yuppies, who buy gold plated cast iron wrist-watches,
are paying premium prices for small and ligh-weight notebooks
to show off at Starbucks. Laptops with larger displays gather
dust at the dealers and are often surprisingly cheap.
One thing to watch out for is the socket for a phone line.
The liars at DELL claim that with everybody in China using
WiFi, dial-up has gone out of fashion, and that you will
just have to buy an external USB modem, if you want to fax
or use dial-up.
So, if the computer does not have that phone line socket,
similar but smaller than the networking socket, tell them
where to stuff it.
Especially since they usually have no clue where to get
an external USB modem, it is quite appropriate to get
noisy about that.
The only other consideration is warranty. Get three years
of next business day on site warranty.
Performance is irrelevant. If it can bring up Windows 7,
it can handle anything that you might throw a t it.
Compared to bringing up Windows 7, all your programs are
totally negligible.
Hard drive size is quite adequate nowadays. You probably
have a 20 or 40 GB drive in your home desktop.
If a laptop has 500 GB, that is plenty. Don't pay extra
for a 1 TeraByte or 2 Terabyte drive. No matter what size
drive you get, it will get filled to capacity in three years,
if you don't weed it out now and then. Just get anything in
the 50 - 500 Gb range and weed it out once a year.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Egg Carton for Painting Bolts
My son, Chris, was spray-painting bolts for a project.
They needed to be white on on the head and black on
the nut end. He used an egg carton to hold them.
It was easy to get good paint coverage and used
less paint.
Sally McQ
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it.
Get LCD Monitor Repair!
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as
much to you as pearls do to us."
"Yes, brave Oyster Slayer, they sure do." he replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
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A man was brought before the court on the charge of
refusing to obey a police officer.
"Why did you refuse to move on when asked to do so by the
officer?" the judge inquired, obviously wondering what
unexplained force could have given such a man strength
to buck a strong minion of the law.
"It's like this, your honor," he explained. "My wife said
I was to meet her at exactly twelve noon at that spot - and
I was forced to choose between man's law and wife's law."
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three
men and a dog playing cards.
The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.
"This is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players.
"Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
Today, April 29, in
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus published.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was
completed for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered
unconditionally to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun
were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz
his successor.
1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted
in Tokyo as war criminals.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing
edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape
recordings related to the Watergate scandal.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North
Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor
went online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside
his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale
was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while
in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit
four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating
trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which
granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes,
control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the
Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion
in NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of
Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO
headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia.
Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions.
2013 smiled
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