CrapCleaner Answers 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 30.
Fresh snow again, not much, though, just 5 - 6 inches.
However, it has not stopped snowing yet.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato --------------- Seems to me, his wife loudly disagreed with that.
Lost in Translation A Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. "Well," he began, "I just want you to know that I'm tickled to death to be here." A look of agony appeared on the interpreter's face. "This poor man," he said in halting Chinese, "scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Thanks to Martin for this story: "Birds and Bees" A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows About the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting Into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!" Confused, the father asks what's wrong. "Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa Speech.' "At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' Speech.' "When I was eight, you hit me with the ' There's no tooth fairy' speech. "If you're going to tell me that grown ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Click on the picture for the large version Bigamy
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Smith, 38, Oklahoma City, OK Jailed After Setting His Father On Fire After Father Complained About Loud Music Reported by The Weekly Vice David Smith, a 38-year-old Oklahoma man, has jailed Monday after he allegedly set his father on fire during an argument over loud music. According to Oklahoma City Police, Smith was sitting on his bedroom floor listening to music when his father walked in and asked him to turn the music down. Instead, Smith turned the music up, which sparked an argument between the two men. In retaliation, Smith grabbed a can of gasoline from the kitchen, poured it on his father, then used a cigarette to set him on fire. The father and a woman living at the residence put out the flames while Smith fled the scene. The victim was rushed to an area hospital where he was treated for burns to his chest, legs and face. Police located Smith walking down a street wearing a necklace made out of prescription pills. He did not have a prescription for the pills. He was booked into the Oklahoma County Jail and charged with attempted murder, first-degree arson and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: CrapCleaner Dear Webby I have been using Ccleaner and just love it, Is there a way I can set it to run automatically??? I have it set to start when the pc starts, but for some reason, it doesn't clean, and also doesn't get into the bottom right side of the toolbar Thanks Ann Dear Ann It's best to run CrapCleaner before shutting down, or whenever your memory gets too bunged up. A Windows start-up is like the proverbial "Chinese Fire Drill" and it's best not to add anything to that. The reason you don't see CrapCleaner at the bottom right side of the toolbar, where the running programs are, is because once CrapCleaner has done it's chores, it politely exits and goes away. It does not use up any resources while it waits for the next time you need it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Using a Back Scratcher to Retrieve Dropped Items I am not able to get down on my knees to retrieve something I dropped if it has ended up too far to just bend over and pick up. So one day I used my new back scratcher to bring the item closer to me. This worked so well that now I keep a back scratcher by my desk here all the time and it has saved me so much aggravation. By Peggy B from Philadelphia, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, In desperation, Charlie undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before". The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
A man was on Regent Street in London and entered a very posh gourmet food shop. A salesperson in a morning coat with tails approached and politely asked, "May I help to you, sir?" "Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox." "No, no," responded the dignified salesperson, "you mean 'smoked salmon'." "Okay, a pound of smoked salmon." "Anything else?" "Yes, a dozen blintzes." "No, no. You mean 'crepes'." "Okay, a dozen crepes." "Anything else?" "Yes, A pound of chopped liver." "No, no. You mean 'pate'." "Okay," said the Jewish patron, "a pound of pate, and I'd like you to deliver this Saturday morning." "Sir," said the indignant salesperson, "we don't schlep chazzerai on Shabbos."
Collage Collective:

Today, April 30, in
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire under 
 his own rule.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million 
1527 Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the 
 treaty of Westminster.
1725 Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance.
1789 George Washington took office as first elected 
 U.S. president.
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from 
 France for $15 million.
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome.
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work 
 would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail 
 over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana.
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory.
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the 
 runaway train "Cannonball Express."
1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with 
 France and Great Britain.
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr."
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain.
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun died. They had  been married 
 for one day. One week later Germany surrendered unconditionally.
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to 
 Hoover Dam.
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese 
 in the village of Dai Do.
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests.
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.
1975 Communists North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 
 11 Marines lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last 
 soldiers to evacuate.
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London.
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China.
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh.
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit.
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly 
 approved for another five years as president. 
2013  smiled

[ view entry ] ( 10 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 638 )

<<First <Back | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | Next> Last>>