Stuck in CAPS 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 5.
Cinco de Mayo, state holiday in Mexifornia.
The Cinco de Mayo is not, in its origins, a Mexican holiday
at all but rather an American one, created by Latinos in 
California in the middle of the 19th century. The key events
celebrated on May 5 were taking place in Mexico, when Mexico
beat up the French Army and prevented France from supplying
the Confederates with arms and ammo and support and from 
breaking the Union blockade of the Southern ports.

Have FUN!

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When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. --- Socratex A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett
Thanks to Nanarina for this news item: Detroit Police last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 tons of heroin, $5 million in forged US banknotes and 15 trafficked Latino prostitutes - all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library on Woodward Ave. Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said, "We all be shocked; none of us never knew we had a liberry."
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A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend asked, "How can that be?" The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ..that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone." Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My, how big is it?" The widow said, "Three carats."
Thanks to Sailor for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version These flares were 200,000 km hih. 200,000 km = 25,000 times as high as Mt Everest
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dareka Brooks,22, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Hooker Jailed After Macing Boy, Fleeing Scene With Piggy Bank and iPad Reported by The Weekly Vice Dareka Brooks, a 22-year-old Milwaukee woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly robbed a 14-year-old boy of his piggy bank after he tried to pay her for sex. According to the Cook County Sheriff's Office, a 14-year-old boy used his iPad to contact Brooks after he logged onto a website known for listing pay-for-sex advertisements. Brooks reportedly agreed to the boy's invitation and arranged to meet him at his home while his parents were away. When Brooks arrived at the boy's home to carry out the encounter, she told him to go into a bedroom and take off his pants. While the teen was sitting on his bed, Brooks maced him and fled the scene with his iPad, a piggy bank and an undisclosed amount of cash. Investigators say the teen immediately called police and gave them a description of Brooks and the vehicle she left in. Officers were able to locate Brooks at a local hotel after she turned on the boy's iPad. She was apprehended at the scene when police found the stolen items in her possession. Brooks was booked into jail and charged with armed robbery. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Caps Locked text Dear Webby, I am editing (pro bono) a local service club monthly bulletin and occasionally get a script IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I don't mind going through two or three paragraphs, but it will take forever to rewrite several pages -- not to mention how boring it is. If anyone knows a shortcut, I figure it is you. CAN YOU HELP? Thanx, Jerry Dear Jerry Just send it back to them and tell them that they are giving AOL a bad name, again. Jerry, you are not doing them a favor by lowering your standards to theirs! Bring them up to YOURS! He's a poor teacher, who has never been called a meanie. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Opt-Out of Yellow Pages Delivery You can opt-out of receiving the yellow pages by visiting the following address. I almost never use a paper yellow pages any more since just about every business has a website so I really appreciate not having to receive delivery of them. By Fletcher Sandbeck Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't know you still needed one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me, excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front. "I want to make sure I get a good seat." I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder. I slowly turned around, prepared to give the man a sriously raised eybrow, -- but found myself face to face with a smiling pilot.
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments. "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"
Original Hoop Dancers

Today, May 5, in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second 
trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY.
1821 Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena, 
where he had been in exile.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as 
 Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing 
 slavery in the U.S.
1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' 
 strike in Chicago, IL.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese Exclusion 
Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese in the U.S. 
to be registered or face deportation.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, 
was arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi 
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1981 Irish Republican Army hunger-striker Bobby Sands died 
 at the Maze Prison in Northern Ireland. It was his 66th 
 day without food.
2000 The final episode of "Boy Meets World" aired on ABC. 
2013  smiled

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