Safe Magnifier 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 21.

Have FUN!

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You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. --- Jack London (1876 - 1916)
The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
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"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kassandra Martinez, 20, Dallas, Texas Jailed After She Murdered Her Cousin For Gas Money Reported by The Weekly vice Kassandra Martinez, a 20-year-old Dallas woman, was jailed Sunday after she repeatedly ran over her cousin with her car during an argument over gas money. She then drove home to get some sleep - obviously tuckered out from all that driving. According to Dallas police, Martinez was at a club with her cousin and her cousin's two sisters when the girls began arguing about where to go next (home or out to eat somewhere). Angry that she wasn't getting her way, Martinez left the club alone with the girls' purses in the trunk of her car. The three girls left behind at the club were forced to find a ride from a friend who was also at the club. During the ride home, the girls noticed that Martinez had stopped off for gas at a local gas station, so they asked the driver to stop and let them out so they could retrieve their purses. That's when Martinez reportedly began arguing with them, demanding that they give her gas money. When the girls refused, Martinez retorted "Well, if that's the way it is..." before backing over her cousin who had been waiting at the rear of the vehicle to get her purse. After backing over the victim, Martinez then put the car into drive and then drove over her cousin a second time. Martinez then drove home to go to bed while her cousin, identified as 24-year-old Yunel Aguilar, was rushed to Parkland Memorial Hospital. She was pronounced dead a short time later. Surveillance video captured from the scene showed the entire incident as it unfolded. Investigators were able to use the video to identify Martinez's VW Passat, which was found at her residence. Martinez was arrested when Aguilar's mother called and convinced her to come up to the hospital. During a police interview, Martinez admitted that she did not have a driver's license, but claimed that she was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol when she ran over her cousin. Martinez was booked into jail and charged with murder. She remains jailed in lieu of $150,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Safe Magnifier Dear Webby, Here is a link to a virtual magnifying glass that is free, does not screw with anything on your desktop, is customizable and once again, free. I have used this magnifier since win98, and never had an issue. Neil Thanks, Neil! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Remembering to Use Coupons Occasionally I have forgotten to use my coupons at the checkout only to remember them when I get home. I've started highlighting the items that I have coupons for on my shopping list with bright neon highlighters, that way they constantly jog my memory as I read my grocery list. By mother of 5 from Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
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A pretty girl asked the male clerk at a fabric counter, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " he replied with a smirk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards. With anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing behind her. "Grandma will pay the bill, "she smiled
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it, she starts cussing and throwing stuff."
Forging - Legumes

Today, May 21, in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor.
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, CH
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. 
 They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first 
 national convention.
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable 
 tire-carrying rim.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop 
 airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May 20.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 fingerprint all of its citizens.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the 
 Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men 
 aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later 
 found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at 
 Ohio State University.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by a 
 butyric acid-attacker. 
2013  smiled

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