Not getting responses 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, June 18.

From Dianne:

u made it into yahoo again... 
1st time this month... 
arrived at 0800


Dianne has other email addresses, of course, and tells me,
whenever Yahoo succeeds in delivering the Humor Letter 
to her.

This evening during my walk the wind suddenly stopped.
Huh? No wind in Black Diamond?
Immediately the skeeters attacked. Not the slow tankers of
spring, that you simply hit over an eye with a stick, but 
the small and fast summer skeeters, that attack in swarms.

For about three quarters of a mile I was busy brushing them 
off and cussing them, until my blood remembered how to repel
them, a trick I have learned in the Yukon. 
After that, they dived at me like before, but before touching
down, suddenly veered away. And did not come back.
By the time I got close to home, they did not even do that, 
and just ignored me. Great!

After I got home, I was able to sit out on the deck to cool 
off and have some soup, witout getting bothered.
I am ready for summer!

Your wheels: 1957 Chevy Bel Air Larry
In those days, cars had style! Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

My work is a game, a very serious game. --- M. C. Escher (1898 - 1972) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle
I was buying a large bag of Purina dog food at Wal-Mart for my neighbor and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air.
>From Ethan When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become collectors' items. I went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered and still in their original band. On my next trip to my parents' house, I gave the $200 to my mother and said, "Take good care of these. They might be worth something someday." Several months later I asked Mom if she was keeping the two- dollar bills safe. "Oh, yes!" she replied. "I deposited them in the bank the day after you left."
The REAL Bible Of Fat Burning Food Choices And Healthy Eating. Unsurpassed Quality book! By Shaun Hadsall And Nick Pineault Cut through all the BS and scams and learn the facts. Get The Truth About Fat Burning Foods!

Many of you know Dorothy as the fanatical Alaskan Wolf Defender, who managed to block poisoning and aerial hunting for a long time. Nowadays Dorothy and her hubby Leo are busy building a "Monarch Waystation" to help save the Monarch butterflies. Some of the info about that is at http://www.akwildlife.com/Saving_Monarchs.html Dorothy had sent me this about the The Miracle Toddler Diet People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. Depending on how much weight you want to lose, you may need a second stick of mascara.
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Chand Baori fountain in India. These steps lead to a huge fountain built in the tenth century to collect rain in the region and accumulate them in temporary lakes. The structure has a total of 3,500 steps down to a depth of 30 meters.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Malia Brooks, 32, Simi Valley, Calif. Teacher Jailed After Having Sex With Student Under 14 Reported by The Weekly Vice Malia Brooks, a 32-year-old teacher at Garden Grove Elementary School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a male student who was under the age of 14. According to police, an investigation was launched on February 22 after the alleged relationship between Brooks and the child surfaced. Investigators say the relationship began in late 2012 and continued for four months. The exact age of the victim has not been disclosed, but court documents confirm that the child is under the age of 14. Brooks, who is divorced with two children, was placed on administrative leave by the school district when the allegations surfaced. She then submitted her resignation on June 5. Brooks' attorney says his client suffers from "manic episodes" that she is now in treatment for. She was booked into jail and charged with lewd acts upon a child, oral copulation of a person under 14 years of age and three counts of genital penetration by a foreign object. Her bond is currently set at $2 million. Seems they really don't want her to run away. Tech Support Pits From: frtbrn573...@aol.com Re: Not getting responses I make web pages, but when I write to businesses if they want any, I never get any reply, and then they get pages made by somebody else.I just seem to remind them to go find somebody. Why is that? Dear FartBrain I can see why you would be sending potential customers to your competitors. 1) You are writing with a silly alias that is about as confidence and trust inspiring as a ski mask in a bank. Get yourself a domain like the real businesses, and base your address on that. 2) You blurt like a heckler or ill-mannered kid. Learn to write emails like the grown-ups. Greet whoever you are writing to by name. 3) You run away like a midnight vandal. Sign off properly! Except for other AOLers, very few people will write to you, if they have to invent a name for you. 4) Graduate from AOL ! Even though some AOLers claim that they have made money marketing to other AOLers, very few have any success trying to sell anything to people on the real Internet. You have too many other AOLers giving you a bad name. You might as well be using a jail address or admit that you are using FrontPage. No money in that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Keyboards I clean my keyboard using the alcohol wipes that are used to clean an area before sticking a needle in you. I have so many of them, the supply company keeps sending me a whole box, and I only use two or three each time I need them. I started to use them to clean the outside of the keys and between the F keys and the numbers and other breaks like that on keyboard. The other thing I do often is use the canned air under the buttons after I vacuum all loose grit up. Usually you will get all the hair out that way. If you have a key that is sticking pop the key off and use a cotton swab with alcohol to clean the area then replace the button, should work good as new now! By jancat from New England DON'T!!! First get rid of any and all cans of canned air, before another kid dies from "huffing" it. Read up on "huffing"! Secondly, blowing dirt around the Universe is generally considered a dumb idea. Here is the proper way to clean a keyboard: 1) Unplug the keyboard 2) Slam it upside down onto a laid out garbage bag, preferably outside. Ignore the breadcrumbs, but salvage paper clips, pins etc. That is why you slam it onto a bag laid out on something big and hard. 3) Thoroughly vacuum the keyboard 4) Take a big, soft shower sponge dipped in hot dishwater and squeezed, so that it does not drip, and wipe the keyboard in a slow, jiggly motion. Repeat if necessary. 5) Slam it upside down onto a fluffy towel and use the towel to rub it dry. That's all there is to it! If keys are sticking, don't get carried away pulling them off! If you do that with a laptop keyboard, you will probably never get that key to work again and have to replace the keyboard. With some keyboards it is safe to pull a key off, but by no means all keyboards! The safe method is to use WD40 with the tiny nozzle, and mist under that key from all sides, before you clean the keyboard. The WD40 will normally lubricate it well enough and make it work like new. However, it can also be a sign, that the mechanism is simply worn out and it is time for a new keyboard. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Anni showed up at the photo shop with an old picture of a former beau wearing a hat, She wanted to know if the photographer could retouch the photo and remove the hat from the picture. He convinced Anni, that it could easily be accomplished, he would just take a picture of it, and work on it with PaintShop Pro or Photoshop. Then he asked her what side of his head did the man in the picture part his hair on. - Thinking hard for a moment, Anni said, "I forget, but you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this story: A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese-making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats who had been put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."
Skyscapes

Today, June 19, in
0240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the 
 Earth using two sticks.
1586 English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC, 
 after failing to establish England's first permanent 
 settlement in America.
1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of Dragasani.
1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg, France.
1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship board 
 was established.
1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day.
1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British 
 royal family to dispense with German titles and surnames.
1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum.
1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed 
 pinball machines in the city.
1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year-
 old neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were 
 divorced in June of 1946.
1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States citizen.
1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the 
 Imperial Japanese fleet.
1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain.
1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's 
 youngest premier at age 34.
1978 Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. first time.
1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit 
from Kourou, French Guiana.
1987 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law 
 that required that schools teach creationism.
1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally 
 shipping personal computers to 16 countries subject to 
 U.S. export controls.
1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million 
 to settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust 
 victims during World War II. Jewish leaders called the 
 offer insultingly low.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer 
 led by students at public-school football games violated 
 the 1st Amendment's principle that called for the 
 separation of church and state. 
2013  smiled


[ view entry ] ( 2 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 554 )

<<First <Back | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | Next> Last>>