Better download for CrapCleaner 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 8.

Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of 
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to 
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which 
this year brought a lull in a long-running on/off hunger 

The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey 
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends, 
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of 
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to 
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which 
this year brought a lull in a long-running hunger strike. 
The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey 
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends, 
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Nothing but the very best for Obama's buddies.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. "
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Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the Oprah, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $1.2 Million for the motel."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rhonney Jacobs, 43, Norfolk, Virginia Road-raging bonehead jailed for shooting himself in the groin Residents of a neighborhood in Virginia say that an angry driver mistakenly shot himself in the groin after they flagged him down for speeding around children. Neighbors in a Norfolk community told WTKR that they never thought that asking 43-year-old Rhonney Jacobs to slow down would escalate into a shooting. “My friends were standing right there in the yard and the guy came flying by and they were like ‘slow down, there’s kids’ and the guy did a U-turn and pulled over,” Ashley Summerson recalled. Witnesses said that Jacobs got out of his car and started waiving around a gun, and pushing and shoving, and then it went off. “Jacobs pulled his gun out trying to shoot one of them but he shot himself,” Summerson explained. “He was holding his groin and there was blood everywhere,” witness Zach Watson added. WTKR reported that the children were only feet away from where the gun went off. “I’m just happy none of the kids got hurt,” Watson said. “I’d rather get shot than one of these kids.” Jacobs was charged with discharging a firearm and brandishing a firearm, Tech Support Pits From: Julia Re: Better download for CrapCleaner Dear Webby When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy download without a lot of greedy fuss? Julia Dear Julia CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they allow download sites like FileHippo provide download locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their advertising that they put in your path when you try to get your download. Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big, powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer cost, don't try it. Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox at As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to restrict access to the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Cleaning a Small Bottle I had an old glass Bo Peep Ammonia bottle. I was thrilled with it, because I love anything vintage. However, it had a very small mouth. The idea to clean it, was to use a small piece of a shim, cut lengthwise (make sure you cut a piece as small as the mouth of the bottle). You could use a wire if you have one, but it needs to be strong, not a bendable one. Then I put a baby bottle nipple brush on the end, and taped it on the "stick." It worked like a charm! Of course, you need to make a cleaning solution to dip the brush in to clean. You might actually have a piece of a shim stick in your house, so look before you go buy! :) By Kathy54 from Cincinnati, OH Here is the traditional method: Wrap the bottle with masking tape to protect it from breakage and to protect the label. Use some paper creased into V shape to fill it about 1/4 full with dried coffee grounds. Use a butter baster syringe to fill the bottle about 1/2 to 2/3 full with hot dish water. Put your thumb onto the opening and shake it vigorously for a minute. Let it stand a few minutes, shake it again. Drain it and fill it with clean rinse water and let it drain. That method of course works with larger bottles too and is my favorite method for cleaning out my big thermos. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
Here is a delightful Classic: Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me." "Sugar!" "Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautifulmink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500." "Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000!" "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking now?" "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover he down payment..." "Well, then go ahead and buy it, if you can sign today, but just bid $420,000, OK?" "Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border ...when he saw a large sign, , , , "LAST CHANCE FOR $3.65 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?" The attendant replied, " $3.10 ".

» Amazing Tree Houses

Today, Aug 8, in
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from 
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet 
 ending an invasion attempt.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the 
 South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there 
 in exile.
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith, Bringham Young was 
 chosen to lead the Mormons.
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The
 mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils 
 for printing."
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall.
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air 
 raids on Great Britain.
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war 
 on Japan.
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated mutual security pact
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and 
 weighed 84,730 tons, largest oil tanker in the world.
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install 
 an artificial heart pump in a patient.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign 
 the following day.
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried 
 scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus.
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and 
 Iran had begun.
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia.
1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer was released by 
 his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more 
 than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud 
 in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more 
 hostages were released.
1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South 
 Korea for membership.
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened.
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a 
 cooperation agreement.
1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, 
 and several senior army officers defected.
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom 
 after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack 
 on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
 submarine in history to sink a warship. 
2013  smiled

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