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Today is Saturday, August 24.

Have FUN!

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A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. --- Richard M. Nixon
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. "Easier said than done," the bartender thinks, but he decides to try it anyway. The next day, the hooligan returns, slams his fist down and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke."
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Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 32, Cedar Rapids, IA Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop Jailed After the same thing all over again Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, a 32-year-old Iowa bonehead, has been jailed after he was arrested on felony drug charges. According to police, an officer on patrol pulled Beezow over after watching his minivan weave back and forth between lanes. Officers conducted a search of the minivan and uncovered more than a half-ounce of marijuana. Beezow, whose birth name was Jeffrey Wilschke before he had it legally changed, got a Bonehead Award in January 2012 when he was arrested on similar charges. Beezow was booked into jail and charged with felony possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver, possession of drug paraphernalia and operating a motor vehicle without registration. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Can't get the newsletter Dear Webby, I have a problem. I have not been able to receive your daily humor letter. Since your last eye injection, when you did not put out a letter, I have not received a daily letter. My ISP, which has been providing mail service is not in any way filtering the e-mail. You are not spam. I then subscribed using my GMAIL. A confirmation letter came and I responded, still no letter in my G-MAIL. I then unsubscribed from both the G-MAIL and IncrediMail and then subscribed again and received a confirmation from you.. Today I subscribed again and received the message that both my e-addresses were in your database. I can only read your daily letter by putting"Dear Webby" in my search engine. What can I do? Thanks! Hank Dear Hank Two versions, Regular Font and Large Font, have been sent to you every day to ****** I don't know what your gmail address is. Check your Spam folder or if you don't see your subscriptions there, the spam folders of your ISP. Once your newsletters are in the server, there is nothing more, that I can do about them. With Gmail, you can check your spam folder easily enough, drag stuff out of that into your INbox, and even make a filter to make sure, your newsletters will never be put into spam again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and asked, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man is driving home late one afternoon, and he is driving well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that *YOU* were the officer and that you were trying to make her go back to me." "Get outa here!"

Mountain Meadows

Today, Aug 24, in
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 
 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum 
 were buried in volcanic ash.
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized 
 the fall of the Western Roman Empire.
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed.
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French 
 Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by British forces that 
 set fire to the White House and Capitol.
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius 
1891 Thomas Edison got patents for the kinetoscope and 
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across 
 the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, 
 NJ, took about 19 hours.
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into 
 effect. The agreement was that an attack against any one of 
 the parties would be considered "an attack against them all."
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. 
 when the Communist Control Act went into effect.
1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong 
 was sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator 
 while Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first 
 Japanese-American U.S. representative.
1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches 
 becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier.
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they 
 exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific.
1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South 
 Africa as racial violence rocked the country.
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people 
 were left stranded.
1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs 
 of Neptune.
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait.
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the 
 head of the Communist Party.
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations.
1995 Microsoft's "Windows 95" went on sale.
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the 
 evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to 
 the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for 
 U.S. missiles on August 20, 1998.
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, 
 to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse 
 Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used 
 in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians.
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle 
 out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family 
 in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer.
2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the 
 Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found 
 about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it 
 would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would 
 be known.
2005 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" 
 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's 
 status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an 
 object qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the 
 three rules because it orbits the sun and is large enough 
 to assume a nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has 
 an oblong orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it 
 disqualified Pluto as a planet. 
2013  smiled

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