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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 25.

>From Trish in Oz
 I would love to be there to watch the 'march' by the 
muslims and the bikers in fact I'd love to be on one 
of the bikes. When is it and where I'm sure it'll be 
telivised, keep me informed, I'm sure you'll have more 
on it here, I had read about it somewhere lately.
Trish

Dear Trish
If I could afford it, I would be riding a bike 
from here to there, and back.

The 9-11 DC ride is on Sept 11 in Washington, DC, past the 
World Trade Center site, where a bunch of fanatic Muslims 
murdered over 3000 people on 9/11/2001
and where now some Muslims want to protest against being 
discriminated against.

The ride is getting organized. People are asked to contact 
their state HOG (Harley Owners Group) and sign up. 
Each state group will travel as a group and arrive well 
in time to assemble for a precisely coordinated ride-by.

As more news become available, I will post them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Thanks to Annette for this story: A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... BUT you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." A bit later, the officer was still laughing, when he relayed the incident over the radio. A voice interrupted him and told him he better shoot them down quick, they were headed for the "401", the TransCanada. Now the "401" has been renamed the "1" in places, and "Highway Of Heroes" to honor the soldiers, who became fallen heroes in Afhanistan, and whose coffins are brought back on that highway.
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From Myrna Dear Webby, a few years ago you had that classic bricklayer's compensation board letter. Do you still have it? Can you print it again, please? Thanks Myrna Sure, Myrna, here it is. It must be an all time favorite, because I remember requests for it, when the Humor Letter was still in fax format, before the Internet. Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley,which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 32, Cedar Rapids, IA Jailed After Assaulting Husband's Testicles Until They Bled Sylvia Yazzie, a 39-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly ripped apart her husband's scrotum. According to police, Yazzie and her husband were involved in an argument Sunday afternoon when she grabbed his testicles and and yanked them. Investigators say Yazzie pulled the victim's testicles with such force, the scrotum tore open and began to bleed. Not quite finished at this point, Yazzie then allegedly jumped on top of her husband and began choking his neck. The victim told police that he felt like he was going to lose consciousness during the attack. Yazzie explained her actions to police by stating that she was an alcoholic (the alcohol did it). Yazzie was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with temporary disfigurement and domestic assault /aggravated assault. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: CC and cookies Dear Webby, I downloaded Crap Cleaner today & did an initial cleaning. After that when I went to my msn page to get to mail I had to sign in again. If I do a daily cleaning will I had to do this every time? I saw a box that said I could run CC at startup. Is this advisable? I looked at the options tab & saw that I could opt to keep some "cookies". Will this make it so I do not have to resign in each time after running CC? Sharon Dear Sharon once upon a time cookies were evil and dangerous. Nowadays, they are your helpers. They facilitate signing in not just to your MSN, but to banks and stores, or to get you back to what you found on a previous search in a store. Personally, I have customized CC to leave my cookies alone. I still have to sign in to PayPal or the bank and a few other places, but I am using RoboForm to help me there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wet Vac to Unclog Toilet I had a clogged toilet that I could not fix! I tried the dawn soap, an auger, taking off the toilet and snaking the drain, vinegar and baking soda, drain cleaner; nothing worked, until . . . I shut the water off of the toilet (not the main water line), stuck my wet vac in there and boom! Gobs of toilet paper were sucked out, unclogging the brand new toilet I just purchased (American Standard 4). By lanyi1975 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS! Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head. He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

Crowds

Today, Aug 24, in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. 
 Some settled in present-day New Orleans.
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil.
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine.
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to 
 Calais, France making him the first person to swim the 
 English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours.
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska 
 arrived in Nome.
1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany.
1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United States.
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in 
 reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of 
 German residents.
1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the 
 Soviet Union and England controlled Iran.
1944 Romania switched allegiances and declared war on Germany.
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. 
 railroads to avert a strike.
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography 
 (CAT scan) was introduced.
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of 
 Jesus Christ went on display for first time in 45 years.
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about 
 Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet.
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion 
 grain pact.
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" 
 that ran the Iranian government.
1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending 
 their eight years of war.
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations 
 to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq 
 after their invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union.
2013  smiled


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