Cutil infectiona 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 27.

Have FUN!

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All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870)
Thanks to Annette for this: An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
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A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374? "No, this is 555-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Teri Jo Knee, 28, Bay City, MI Turned A Weekend Jail Stint Into A Five Year Felony Charge Reported by the Weekly Vice Teri Jo Knee, a 28-year-old Michigan woman, has been jailed after she allegedly used her vagina to smuggle drugs into the county jail. According to court records, Knee was sentenced to 60 days in jail last month after she was arrested and charged with domestic battery. Court records indicate Knee was arrested after she reportedly punched her child's father in the face and then clawed his arm bloody after the two had a disagreement. The judge reportedly granted Knee the option of serving her time over the weekends so she could continue to "work." Investigators say Knee was serving a weekend stint in jail when a fellow inmate told staff that Knee had smuggled drugs into the jail and was ingesting them along with two other inmates. Knee and the two fellow inmates were searched and submitted to urine drug tests. The test samples for the two fellow inmates came back clean, however, Knee tested positive for cocaine and benzodiazepines, according to court records. When officers questioned Knee about the results, she reportedly admitted to placing several pills inside her vagina before arriving at the jail to serve her time. Officers conducted a search and found additional pills and the condom Knee used to placed the pills inside her vagina. She was arraigned on a felony charge of bringing contraband into a jail or prison which qualifies her for an additional five year prison term. She is also scheduled to appear in court next month for violating her probation and no longer has the option of weekend jail time. Tech Support Pits From: Peggy Re: Cutil infection Hi Dear Webby, I have lost my Adobe Flash Player. Now, when I try to download a new one, it will only download to around 50% when a message appears that I must close the Internet Explorer and Cutil before I can complete the download. I can close Internet Explorer but I am not able to find out what Cutil is or where it is located. Please help. Thank you, Peggy Dear Peggy cutil is a collection of C++ utilities on Linux, but has no business being on a Windows machine. Run a complete McAfee or Kasperski anti-malware scan and get rid of whatever weird stuff has infected your machine. After that you should be able to download Adobe without a problem. Yes, I know, there are alternatives to Adobe, but there is no point in trying to download them into an infected machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. \ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the young accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars." "Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."


Today, Aug 27, in
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to 
 his attacks on King Charles II.
1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by 
 the French National Assembly.
1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent 
during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina.
1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was 
 published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story 
 was about the peace demands of England and France 
 being met by China.
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in 
 the U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA.
1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet.
1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football 
 team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those 
 who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay 
 Packers. (NFL)
1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig.
1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of 
 the Japanese government at the end of World War II.
1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December 
 of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the 
 first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet.
1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first 
 bombings from U.S. warplanes.
1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. 
 The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sank in 1956 
 in the waters off of Massachusetts.
1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was launched. 
 A British communications satellite was onboard.
1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion 
 of 36 Iraqi diplomats.
1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared independence.
1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that 
 would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants.
1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir departed 
 the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced to abandon 
 Mir for financial reasons.
2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B 
 "Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported 
 that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down."
2013  smiled

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