Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 31.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and
when to mind your speech.
--- Socratex

The right to be heard does not automatically include the
right to be taken seriously.
--- Hubert H. Humphrey

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
----------
My professors in college sure did not agree with that!


An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a
 Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars
 and were told to use that money to find out exactly
 how tall a particular hotel was.

 All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.
 The physics student went out, purchased some
 stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator,
 and some friends.  He had them all time the drop of
 ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out
 the height from the time it took for the bearings to
 accelerate from rest until they impacted with the
 sidewalk.

 The math student waited until the sun was going
 down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line,
 measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the
 length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings
 roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry
 to figure out the height of the building.

 Of course, with all that was involved in getting this
 experiment done, they were up plenty late studying
 for other courses' exams.  These two students
 bumped into the engineering student the next day,
 who looked quite refreshed.  When asked what he
 did to find the height of the building he replied:  "Well,
 I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked
 him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy
 hour!"


Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their
exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more
devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every
summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every
winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."

"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me,"
declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to
two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the
Hamptons, in my own private guest house."

Mrs. Cohen sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her
mother like my Sarah does.  Nobody."

"So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.
"Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best
psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty
dollars an hour - just to talk about me!"


Back by popular demand!


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Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts.
Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies!
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You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!


Thanks to Bill for this story:
Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my
rather ample tummy.

Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to
help much, hon."

I said, "Sure it does.  How else can I see the numbers on
the scale?"



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Joel Donaldson, 21, Brooklyn

Caught with his pants down: A cell phone 
robber fails to get away after tripping 
over his own sagging jeans

Reported by Sailor
A Brooklyn man who tried to make a getaway on foot after 
swiping a woman’s cell phone was caught by police when 
he tripped and fell over his own sagging pants.

Police and eye witnesses say Joel Donaldson, 21, punched 
his victim Maria Soccoro, in the face Wednesday then 
snatched her phone and took off running.

But as he ran, his ill-fitting jeans kept tripping him 
up until they were completely around his ankles.

Officer Donovan Hunt was directing traffic nearby saw 
the struggling thief and heard Soccoro’s screams.

With Donaldson handicapped with pants at his ankles, 
Hunt was able to tackle him to the shock and amusement 
of spectators.

‘He was zigzagging all over the place, but he couldn’t 
run because his pants was falling down,‘ witness Arlene 
Williams told the New York Post.

‘This cop saw it, and he went right after him,’ Williams 
said.

Donaldson was hauled away by police just blocks away 
from Brooklyn’s criminal court.
He has since been charged with robbery.



Tech Support Pits
From: Ilah
Re: Picture compression

Dear Webby:  This question has been addressed before but I
did not have the brains to print your response and put it 
on file.
 IT will be filed this time.  How do you compress pictures?
We have a large number of snaps of what has to be the world's
most beautiful, intelligent and entertaining kitty and we want
to send copies to friends and family.

I do not know what we would do without your Humor Letter.
It gets the day off to a great start.
Ilah

Dear Ilah
When you open a picture with a graphics program, like for
example Paint Shop Pro, you can re-size it. For example,
straight out of the camera it is 2400x1800, for email it
should be 640 x 480. So, first you change the physical
size and save kitty27.jpg  as kitty27-640.jpg. That
preserves the original for your archive.

Now, when you save kitty27-640.jpg, you can click on the
options and select the compression ratio. Compression
does not change the physical size, it just changes the color
depth, and the file size.

Usually a compression of 10 - 15% is quite OK, but over
20% pictures tend to look a bit washed out.

Keep in mind that compression is a one way street. Once
pixels have been washed out, you can not get them back
from Santa Claus and put them back in there. That is why
you keep a pure archive copy. If you got too carried away
with the compression, you can always start again from the
big original.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Anything With a Slick Surface 
Can Be a "Whiteboard"
You can make little "white boards" to use while working 
with kids or for them to use in the car with any pieces 
of cardboard that are coated with a slick surface. 
Or use a piece of metal painted a light color. I 
recycled several different surfaces, including slick 
portfolio covers and an old magnetic play board, 
to use when I was tutoring a lot. Use pens meant for 
white boards with them, of course. 

By pam munro 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new
security system with alarms, codes and key pads.  Late one
night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene.
Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they
spotted and apprehended a suspect.

The police called the Security Director for the company and
said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy.  He tried to pass as
an employee, but he knows nothing about your business."

The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the
president of the company working late. I'll come down 
there to identify him and explain the system to him again."




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 

A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at
his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what
was wrong.

His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife.
She hired a new secretary for me."

The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that.
Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?"

"Neither. Her grandfather is bald."




» Whether the Weather




Today, Aug 31, in
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain 
 when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is 
 known as the Battle of Trocadero.
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The 
 device was used to produce moving pictures.
1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was 
 prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin 
 D. Roosevelt.
1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became 
 independent within the British Commonwealth.
1964 California officially became the most populated state 
 in America.
1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips 
 announced that they were separating. The marriage was 
 16 years old.
1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the 
 harmonizing of political and legal systems.
1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence 
 from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics 
 to announce their plans to secede.
1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania.
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland.
1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the 
 former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century.
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. 
 The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. 
 There was no known target.
1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to 
 earn more than $600 million. 
2013  smiled

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