Web pages too wide for monitor 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Sept 2.
Happy Labor Day!

Have FUN!

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There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) ----------and they vote!
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."
In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair. Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Two days only!
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A college student, noticeably pregnant, keeps rubbing her side during a final exam. Before she leaves, the professor asks if she is OK. "I noticed you were holding onto your side," he says. "Oh, I'm fine," she answers. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's good," the professor says, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yes," she continues. "It's strange. We normally sleep during your class."
Oilfield Dodge 1920
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Bahmandeji, 33, Louisville, KY Woman Jailed After Falling Asleep Standing Up Inside Circle K Store, Carrying Drugs Melissa Bahmandeji, a 33-year-old Kentucky woman, was jailed Saturday after she was found sleeping while standing up inside a Circle K convenience store. According to police, officers were dispatched to a Circle K convenience store located on Dixie Highway Saturday night after receiving a complaint that a woman was sleeping inside the store while her children ran around unattended. Investigators say officers arrived on the scene to find Bahmandeji sleeping while standing in front of a Polar Pop machine inside the store. Officers woke Bahmandeji, conducted a search and found Suboxon inside her purse along with a spoon that contained heroin residue. Police believe Bahmandeji likely used one or both of the drugs in the store's restroom as her two children ran around the store unsupervised. Once Bahmandeji was taken into custody and placed inside a patrol car, she handed over two hypodermic needles - one of which contained what officers believe to be heroin. Bahmandeji was booked into the Jefferson County Jail and charged with public intoxication of a controlled substance, first-degree possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and endangering the welfare of minors. Tech Support Pits From: Tearlach Re: Web pages too large for monitor Hi Webby, Your letters are fabulous because humour makes the world go round: I have no idea how long I have been a subscriber but have enjoyed every minute. Your technical knowledge is encyclopedic and your sharing with us shows a generous nature. I feel that I am trespassing on your good nature by passing my problem on but my web pages are larger than my screen and I cannot find anything in the help files which solves that problem - I just know that you can. Kind Regards Tearlach Dear Tearlach You are not trespassing at all. Click into a web page, hold down the CTRL key, then rotate the scroll-wheel on the mouse towards you. The page will shrink. Rotating the wheel away from you, makes the pages larger. You have probably seen the little picture I made about a dozen years ago: Well, nowadays everything zooms, not just the fonts. That comes in handy, if you want to enlarge a picture for a closer look. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Replace Fries with a Side Salad Since our budget is chronically tight, even fast food is somewhat of a luxury. I discovered something this week when ordering at our local Burger King. I already liked BK better than many other fast-food places because their burgers are broiled, not fried. After this last visit, I also know I can replace those calorie-ridden French fries with a healthier side salad. It tasted better, too. The salad was fresh and crisp; just what I'd been craving! Next time maybe I'll go even healthier by requesting the Lite Italian dressing instead of Ranch. By JustPlainJo from Springfield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor." "I'll sleep on it," said Bubba. Six months later the shrink met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist. "Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!" "Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Just before his scheduled operation, a man is wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair. A nurse stops him and asks, "What's the matter?" The man tells her, "I heard another nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."

Oceans Over and Under

Today, September 2, in
0069 Roman Lower Rhine army proclaims its commander, Vitellius, emperor
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of Mark Antony 
 and Cleopatra. 
0533 John II begins his reign as Catholic Pope
1235 Emperor Joseph II orders Jews of Galicia Austria to 
 adopt family names
1492 Spain recaptures Granada from the Moors (Granada Day)
1570 Tsar Ivan the Terrible march to Novgorod begins
1585 Spain & Catholic France sign Saint League of Joinville
1602 Spanish forces in Ireland surrender to the English at 
1757 British troops occupy Calcutta India
1776 1st US revolutionary flag displayed
1776 Austria ends interrogation torture 
1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for 
 three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's 
 Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed.
1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned 
 by General George Washington.
1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak softly 
 and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair.
1935 A hurricane hit the Florida Keys killing 423 people.
1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent lighting 
was put into operation on the New York Central railroad.
1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence the Democratic 
 Republic of Vietnam.
1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban treaty 
 negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain when the three 
 nations could not agree upon the nature and frequency of 
 on-site inspections.
1985 It was announced that the Titanic had been found on September 1 
 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off Newfoundland. The luxury 
 liner had been missing for 73 years.
1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build a 
 space station.
1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact 
 formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more 
 than 120,000 people.
1998 229 people were killed when a Swissair jetliner crashed into 
 the Atlantic near Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia. The pilot had reported 
 smoke in the cockpit a few minutes before the crash. 
2013  smiled

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