How difficult are postcards? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 5.

Today, September 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Thanks to Gary for this link to arctic ice. The barge operators
are not scheming to get research grants. They just want
to get back to Tuk before freeze-up.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship! "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered. Let the orgy begin! AMEN!!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Juvenile Mourning Dove
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Quacheena Juett, 33, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Jailed After Sicking 12-year-Old Daughter On Gas Pump Patron Who Wasn't Moving Fast Enough Reported by the Weekly Vice Quacheena Juett, a 33-year-old Florida woman, was jailed after she allegedly told her 12-year-old daughter to punch another woman at a gas pump, because that woman wasn't moving fast enough. According to police, Juett was parked behind another woman at a gas pump when she began yelling at the woman to hurry up and move her car. When the woman refused to move her car out of the way fast enough, Juett instructed her daughter "to handle that" at which time the 12-year-old punched the victim in the face with a closed fist. The victim reportedly moved towards her car to grab her cell phone, however, Juett ran to the victim's car and grabbed the cell phone before fleeing the scene with her daughter. Fort Lauderdale police used the phone's GPS technology and video surveillance to identify Juett and track down her current residence. She was taken into custody a short time later, but not before she managed to pawn the cell phone for cash. Juett was booked into jail and charged with burglary, battery, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, resisting arrest without violence, dealing in stolen property and probation violation. She remains held pending a bond hearing, which might be delayed considering her probation violation. Tech Support Pits From: Armond Re: How difficult are postcards? Dear Webby, I have been told that the only way I can increase traffic to my site is to either pay through the nose for ads, or set up postcards to attract visitors. How difficult is it to set up postcards? Armond Dear Armond If you are web literate and don't freak out at the sight of naked HTML, it's easy. You get the templates and simply replace the picture names. Instead of sample1.jpg you put in doggie1.jpg, and so on. You DO need to have your own pictures. Otherwise your site would be the same as others, and no reason for anybody to go to yours. Pick a narrow topic, that is of interest to YOUR potential clients, and build the site that has the best collection of pictures in THAT narrow topic. Then you will get plenty of targeted visitors quickly. To get the free templates, go to Start with the PRO. Not because it is cheap, but because it is very basic, without all the fancy options. That way you will easily see and understand the concept. You can always upgrade at any time, without losing your previous work. The only real challenge is finding pictures, that will be sent by YOUR target audience to others, who might be interested in your goods. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Bath Gel To Clean Tub Rings I use bath gel to clean bathtub rings. I get a cheap one or use one I have but don't like. This works much better than gritty cleansers, etc. By Monica from northeast PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed. "Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone. "Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed." "This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?" "I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss. "It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."

Glow Worms

Today, September 5, in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards.
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National 
 Convention enacted measures to repress the French 
 Revolutionary activities.
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of 
 the Republic of Texas.
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet 
 of a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement 
 to a jail cell.
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster 
 for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 
 1881 in Michigan.
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad.
1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and 
 Japan to end the Russo-Japanese War.
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
 and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on 
 International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. 
 The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities 
 within the labor organization.
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive 
 from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City 
 all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 
 1929 Ford Model A.
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II.
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was 
 suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist 
 "Tokyo Rose". She served six years and was later 
 pardoned by U.S. President Ford.
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in 
 Raleigh, NC.
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for 
 the first time in the U.S.
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in 
 light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, 
 Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal 
1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is 
 the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed 
 record when he reached 229 mph.
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for 
 shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that 
 the Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 
 269 people.
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, 
 "U.S. News & World Report" for $163 million.
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white 
 neighborhoods for the first time.
1986 NASA launched DOD-1.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War 
 against the West and former allies.
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a 
 new agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers 
 were on strike.
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the 
 South Pacific.
2013  smiled

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