Problem with newsletters on Hotmail 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 13.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

>From Carole
We watched every news station but not one mention of the 
bikers. We watched it on face book. They were beyond great!!! 
  Webby, you are the greatest. 

Dear Carole
The fact that some papers and some TV stations ignored the
fact of the 2 Million patriotic Bikers ride to DC shows you, 
who the patriots are, and who followed orders of Anti-American

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened?" said the farmer. Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday."
Thanks to Phil for these requests from his tenants: "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." "The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?" "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "The person next door has a large erection in his backyard, which is unsightly and dangerous." "Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like to have a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it." "Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our bathtub? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us." "I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting to be too much." "When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a real mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street. However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top of the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage with the lion in hot pursuit. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help! Help me!" The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion. The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose our jobs!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Christmas Cactus Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shirley Whicker, 24, King, North Carolina Jailed After Molesting 4-Year-Old Boy Shirley Whicker, a 24-year-old North Carolina woman has been jailed after she allegedly molested a 4-year-old relative. According to King police, Whicker was charged on Tuesday in response to an ongoing investigation that involves a 4-year-old boy that is known to her. Investigators have released few details in the case because of the nature of the relationship between Whicker and the victim. She was booked into the Stokes County Jail and charged with two counts each of first-degree sex offense with a child, child abuse through a sexual act and taking indecent liberties with a child. She is now free on $100,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Problem with Hotmail Dear Webby, this is the only copy of humor letter I,ve gotten this week.Can you please tell me why I,m not getting them every day like i used to.I,ve written several times before but haven,t gotten any answers from you. I really miss the humor letter. It's the bright spot on my day. Thank you very much Helen Dear Helen I thought Hotmail was going to get shut down in September? You are not the only hoe mail victim. Do you want a referral for gmail ? It is currently the most reliable amongst the free emails. You can get a Gmail account free even without a referral. Just go to Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Weighted Flowers for Graveside Displays I needed to add flowers at the cemetery to the vases on each side of the monument. They needed to be weighted down so they wouldn't blow away. So I solved this problem by using some old keys and attached them with wire to the base of the flowers. Problem solved. By fancy61 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under: All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale. You'd think that would be quite straightforward. But noooooo, not with The Australian. "Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when I called the hotline. "Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said. "In the Wanted to Sell section? Certainly, sir. What do you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at her keyboard. "Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone number?" I said. I sensed her apprehension and I heard no typing. "Too much information?" I asked. "No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details to attract prospective buyers," she said. "Concentrate on some of the selling points" "Like what?" I asked. "Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower it is." "It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it nine years ago. You can still see some bits of orange though between the caked-up dry grass." "No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to be, is all that relevant," she said. "How about telling me what make of lawnmower it is?" "I dunno," I said. "There use to be a model number on the side. I know they don't make them anymore. It's probably still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it." "Um, let's see," she said. "Maybe you can tell me if it is a two-stroke or a four-stroke engine. Prospective buyers probably would want to know that. "It's neither," I said. "It used to be electric." "Used to be? How do you man sir?" she asked. "I think the engine is shot," I said. "All it does now is go rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses." "Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said. "I know," I said. "I took it to the repair shop, and they said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new one. Thast's why I want to sell it." "I see," she said. "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can." "Yeah, that;s what I reckoned," I said. "I just hope they can fix the wheels too though." "The wheels?" the typist said. "What's wrong with the wheels?" "Nothing," I said. "They're nearly as good as the day I bought the lawnmower. Good tires and they go round and round and round, no worries." "But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said. "Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said. "They're good wheels though. If someone fixed them on really tight, they go round and round and round, no worries. Unless of course, the engine is burnt out. The the wheels just seem to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr and blows a house fuse. That's not the end of the world though, unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing in the freezer, begins to thaw out. Could be worse though. The lawnmower engine could suddenly start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power circuit at the same time. Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up." "I see," said the typist. " much do you want to ask for it?" "As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said. How much will this ad cost me? I better factor that in." "Ten dollars a line," she said. "So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?" I asked, hoping to get some expert advice. "Oh dear, let's see," she said. She coughed. It sounded a bit like a surpressed laughter. "How about just... "Lawnmower for sale" and your phone number?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start at least SOME form of communication? Sometimes I wonder. Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo." Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17. If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared. As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. Fifth Sinday is Lent. Thank you, dead friends. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess

Old Service Stations:

Today, September 13, in
1759 - The French were defeated by the British on the Plains 
 of Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
1789 - The United States Government took out its first loan.
1898 - Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid 
 photographic film, which is used to make movies.
1922 - In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature 
 was recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
1943 - Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.
1959 - The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
 to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
1960 - The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola.
1971 - In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica 
 Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. 
 A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. 
1977 - The first American diesel automobiles were 
 introduced by General Motors.
1981 - U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said 
 the U.S. had physical evidence that Russia and its 
 allies used poisonous biological weapons in Laos, 
 Cambodia and Afghanistan.
1988 - Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's 
 barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the 
 strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere.
1993 - Israel and Palestine signed their first major 
 agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government 
 in the Gaza Strip and in Jericho.
1998 - The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers 
 added offensive material.
2001 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin 
 Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial 
 flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2013  smiled

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