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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 15.

>From Nana Rina
Thank you for your tribute to the Bikers who rode in 
Washington, DC on 9/11...I did cry while watching it. 
It brought back a lot of memories to me. I live so 
close to DC and wanted to ride but I am an old soldier, 
hippie, biker, cop, secretary, mother, and grandmother 
now, and couldn't make it there for health reasons but 
my heart was with them on the ride. Thank you for your 
wonderful newsletter. 
Hugs,
Nanny 


Tribute to the bikers

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much. --- John Wayne (1907 - 1979),
Australian jokes tend to be long and wordy, but usually well worth the long build-up. >From Sheila in Oz A guy spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he had every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film -- or so he thought. He wound up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he popped into a pub for a well earned beer. He got talking to one of the local Aborigines and told him about his project. The Aborigine asked the guy what he thought of the Butcher Dance. "Butcher Dance?" he said, confused. "What's that?" "What? You didn't see the Butcher Dance?" "No, I've never heard of it." "Mate, you're crazy," the Aborigine replied. "How can you say you filmed every native dance if you haven't seen the Butcher Dance?" "Umm. I got a Corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?" "No, no. The Butcher Dance is much more important than the Corroborree." "Oh," the man said, his curiosity piqued. "Well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?" "Mate, the Butcher Dance is way out in the wilderness. It'll take you many days of travel to go see it." "Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance." "Ok, mate," the Aborigine replied, shrugging. "You drive north along the highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you'll see a dirt track veer off to left. Follow the dirt track for 126 miles till you see big huge dead gum tree -- the biggest tree you've ever seen. Here you gotta leave car, because it's much too rough for driving. You strike out due west into the setting sun. Walk three days till you hit a creek. You follow this creek to the northwest. After two days you'll find where the creek flows out of some rocky mountains, but it's much too difficult to cross the mountains there, though. So you head south for half day until you see a pass through mountains. The pass is very difficult and very dangerous. It'll take you two, maybe three days to get through it. On the other side, head northwest for four days until you reach a big huge rock -- twenty feet high and shaped like a man's head. From the rock, walk due west for two days, and then you'll find the village. You'll be able to see the Butcher Dance there." So the guy grabbed his camera crew and equipment and headed out. After a couple of hours, he found the dirt track. The track was in a shocking state, and he was forced to crawl along at a snail's pace, and so he didn't reach the tree until dusk, where he was forced to set up camp for the night. He set out bright and early the following morning. His spirits were high, and he was excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance that he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions he had been given, he reached the creek after three days and followed it for another two, until he reached the rocky mountains. The merciless sun was starting to take its toll, and the spirits of both himself and his crew were starting to flag; but wearily they trudged on, finally finding the pass through the mountains. Nothing would prevent him from completing his life's dream. The mountains proved to be every bit as treacherous as their guide had said, and at times they despaired of ever getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort, they finally forced their way clear and continued their long trek. When they reached the huge rock, four days later, their water was running low, and their feet were covered with blisters, but they steeled themselves and headed out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually staggered into the village. To their relief, the natives welcomed them and fed them and gave them fresh water, and they began to feel like new men. Once he recovered enough, the guy went before the village chief and told him that he came to film their Butcher Dance. "Oh mate," he said. "Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance." "Well, when do you hold the next dance?" "Not till next year." "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an extra dance for me tonight?" "No, no, no!" the chief exclaimed. "Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. You want see Butcher Dance, you come back next year." Understandably, the guy was devastated, but he had no other option but to head back to civilization and back home. The following year, he headed back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, set out a week earlier than before. He was quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he was present to witness it. But right from the start, things went wrong. Heavy rains that year turned the dirt track to mud, and the car got bogged down every few miles. Finally they had to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reached the creek and the mountains without any further problems, but halfway through the mountain pass, they were struck by a fierce storm that raged for several days, during which they were forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsided. Then, before they had traveled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprained his ankle badly, slowing down the rest of their journey greatly. Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they had been traveling, they staggered into the village right at noon. "The Butcher Dance!" the man gasped. "Please don't tell me I'm too late to see it!" The chief recognized him and said, "No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time." Relieved beyond measure, the crew spent the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment and preparing to capture the night's ritual on celluloid. As dusk fell, the natives started to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of birds' feathers and animal skins. Once darkness had settled fully over the land, the natives formed a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descended over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body entered the circle and began to chant. "What's he doing?" the man whispered to the chief. "Hush," the chief whispered back. "You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance, and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year." The chanting of the holy man reached a stunning crescendo before he removed himself from the circle. The rhythmic pounding of drums boomed out across the land, and the natives began to sway to the stirring rhythm. The guy became caught up in the fervor of the moment himself. This was it. He realized beyond all doubt that his wait had not been in vain. He was about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind. The chief strode to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, started to sing: "You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in, and you shake it all about...."
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

A cop saw Liz down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied Liz, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded Liz, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robin Campbell, 20, Maitland, Floriduh Jailed for Walking Dog While Naked and dopey. Reported by the Weekly Vice Robin Campbell, a 20-year-old Florida man, has been jailed after he was allegedly found walking his dog in the nude. According to police, officers were called to the scene when neighbors were assaulted by the the sight of Campbell walking his dog without a stitch of clothing on. When officers asked Campbell where his clothes were, he replied that he was walking "In God's house" and therefore should not be required to wear clothing. God could not be immediately reached for comment on what the house rules were, so police ordered him to cover up. When Campbell refused, officers attempted to take him into custody, however, Campbell resisted arrest. That's when officers demonstrated to Campbell how effective a Taser devise was when applied directly to the skin. Campbell later stated that he had consumed mushrooms before threatening to kill the officer. He was booked into jail and charged with battery, resisting arrest and exposing his body (public nudity). Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Keyboard Shortcuts Dear Webby, Good day to you, still loving your info and humor. Is there a site with all of the shortcuts listed? ones like Ctrl/a Ctrl/ c? Just wondering and thanks. jh Hi Jim Once upon a time, long, long ago, when there was still an empty space on top of the keyboards, I made a strip, that you could print out and lay onto that space. It is still at http://webby.com/key-codes.html The goofy symbol you see in the bottom row, that used to produce the Windows key on Windows 95. If there is enough demand, I'll translate the strip to Winows7. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Eye Glasses To remove hairspray and greasy perspiration, I use rubbing alcohol. It cleans the lenses really well and it can be used on either plastic or glass lenses. Source: I received this top from my eye doctor. By Ginger from Decatur, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Tina My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk".

Psychedelica

Today, September 15, in
1776 - British forces occupied New York City during the American 
 Revolution.
1821 - Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and 
 El Salvador proclaimed independence.
1857 - Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.
1858 - The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of 
 the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the 
 Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the 
 journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA.
1909 - Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his 
 ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering 
 Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of 
 General Motors.
1916 - During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks 
 were first used in warfare when the British rolled them 
 onto the battlefields.
1917 - Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic.
1923 - Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John 
 Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the 
 Ku Klux Klan. After this declaration national newspapers 
 began to expose the Klan and its criminal activities.
1928 - Canadian Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic 
 penicillin in the mold Penicillium notatum.
1935 - The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. 
 The act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights 
 and the swastika was made the official symbol of 
 Nazi Germany.
1940 - The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes 
 in the Battle of Britain. This caused Hitler to abandon 
 his plans for invading Britain. Britain's losses were much 
 higher, but Hitler did not know that.
1950 - U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to 
 relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul.
1959 - Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. 
 to begin a 13-day visit.
1961 - The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.
1971 - Greenpeace was founded.
1978 - Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd 
 World Heavyweight Boxing title.
1990 - France announced that it would send an additional 
 4,000 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi 
 military attaches in Paris.
1993 - The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning 
 the crime of carjacking.
1994 - U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders 
 "Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."
1998 - Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military 
 to be on full alert and massed troops on its border 
 with Afghanistan.
1998 - It was announced that 5.9 million people read The 
 Starr Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White 
 House defense of U.S. President Clinton.
1999 - The United Nations approved the deployment of a 
 multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor.
2013  smiled


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