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Today is Monday, September 23.

Have FUN!

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O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD) No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency. --- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919),
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
A rancher gives his new bride last-minute instructions before heading to town for supplies, saying, "A vet will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've nailed a spike by the right stall so's you know which one I want him to impregnate." The wife, who's from back you know where, and dumber than a stump, thinks this is odd, but nods that she'll do it, and the husband leaves for town. The vet arrives later, and the wife leads him out to the barn and the stallwith the nail. Pointing to the nail, she tells him "This is the cow right here." "What's the spike for?" the vet asks. "Dunno. I suppose it's for hanging up your pants."
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In the cafeteria at Kent State University, I saw three students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that they had received such an obviously tough problem so early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was. One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how many school days until Christmas break."
Thanks to Danialle for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Antonio Henry, 30, of Brandywine, Montgomery County, DC. Burglar leaves his court notice at break-in site Reported by The Weekly Vice What is dumber, forgetting the paper work containing your name in the home you’re burglarizing or bringing them along in the first place? Andre Antonio Henry will have about 18 years in jail to think about that question. According to police, the 30-year-old brought his court documents along on one of his break-ins. According to S ilver Spring Patch, Henry left behind the paperwork containing his name and a list of charges against him. Surprise, surprise — they were all burglary related! The police used the court documents to prove he’d committed a string of crimes. But that’s not the only evidence they had against him… NBC Washington reported that police also had video of Henry breaking into offices and stealing credit cards he would later use at stores like Banana Republic. Seems his thirst for 100% Pima cotton V-neck sweaters may have been unquenchable! Montgomery County State’s Attorney John J. McCarthy said, “Protecting our businesses from serial commercial burglars is a priority. Our residents and business owners must feel safe to live, work and operate a business in Montgomery County.” Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Blog Dear Webby, Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up previous days when I come back to the office. Thanks Mark For those, who don't know about the blog yet, you can see it at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magnetic Metal Chip and Shavings Catcher The DH has been disassembling some old PCs to recycle the parts. While taking apart a hard drive he came up with a use for the powerful magnet inside. He needed to drill through a piece of sheet metal on our new heater ducting and thought to use the magnet to collect up the bits of metal at the source rather than clean them up off the floor. The interesting thing about these magnets is that only one side is magnetic. The other side is somehow shielded thus requiring that it be attached to the duct. He simply taped it to the duct (magnetic side out) with masking tape and drilled his holes. The magnet collected the shavings neatly, R Barbara I use one or two post-it notes bent parallel to the sticky strip and stuck to the wall, so that the bent part sticks out like a trough. With two of them arranged in a V they neatly catch everything even from big holes, and they are not limited to iron. Gyprock, wood, plaster, glass, everything gets caught neatly in that trough. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
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Two S cottish fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints."

» Solar Flares

Today, September 23, in
1642 The first commencement at Harvard College, in Cambridge, 
 MA, was held.
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon Homme, 
 was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers revealing 
 that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West Point, NY, 
 to the British.
1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition, 
 reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific 
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the 
 planet Neptune.
1912 "Keystone Comedy" by Mack Sennett was released.
1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier.
1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on 
 the west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast 
 by CBS-TV from New York.
1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. 
 The Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31 
1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time 
 he was a candidate for U.S. vice-president.
1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned 
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva 
 Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita."
1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what 
became known as Radio Marti.
1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro 
 Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence 
 level" of America.
1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil 
 fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force 
 it from Kuwait.
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's 
 secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered 
 a standoff with authorities in Iraq.
1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord.
1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African government 
 after a parliamentary vote.
1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano 
 Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. 
 The girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall 
 onto a rocky ledge. 
2013  smiled

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