Mystery typing 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 19.

Thanks Ray!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. --- Vic Gold
On her way back from the concession stand, Trisha asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Trisha nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to get into smaller clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and three 15 minute easy exercises per week. Money Back Guaranteed Results.

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."
Thanks to Nana Rina for this picture Click on the picture for the large version The Sudden Action button
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to SanJuanita Carbajal, 58, now in Maricopa County Jail Grandmother Charged With Giving 9-Year-Old Grandchild Drugs, In An Attempt To Have Girl's Father Charged With Drug Possession Reported by The Weekly Vice SanJuanita Carbajal, a 58-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly gave her 9-year-old granddaughter several packets of cocaine in an attempt to frame the child's father for drug possession. According to Gilbert Police, officers were dispatched to Pioneer Elementary School Wednesday after school administrators discovered that the little girl was in possession of several small packets that they believed to be cocaine. Arriving officers performed a field test on the substance and confirmed that it was cocaine. When officers interviewed the child, she reportedly told them that she found the drug packets in her father's truck. After further questioning, the little girl admitted that Carbajal had given her the drugs with instructions to hide them inside her father's truck. When officers asked the girl who she would rather live with, the girl emphatically replied "Grandma Janey!" The girl's father told investigators that the girl had been at the center of a long, drawn-out custody fight between himself, the girl's mother and Carbajal. The situation apparently intensified after the father was awarded residential custody. At some point during the custody dispute, Carbajal attempted to gain custody of the child, but was unsuccessful. The girl's mother reportedly told investigators that her mother's sisters are drug dealers, and she believes that her mother attempted to set her and the child's father up using drugs acquired from her sisters. The girl's mother is not a suspect in the case. The girl's father told investigators that he doesn't use narcotics and asked officers to search his truck. Officers took him up on his offer Monday and found no trace of cocaine or other narcotics inside his vehicle. On Tuesday, however, the father called police and reported that a bag of cocaine mysteriously appeared inside his truck after dropping his daughter off at school. After multiple interviews with all parties involved, investigators determined that Carbajal gave her granddaughter the drugs, hoping a drug conviction would give her the edge she needed to launch a new custody fight. Carbajal, who was visiting Arizona from Texas, was booked into the Maricopa County Jail and charged with child abuse. Tech Support Pits From: MaryLou Re: Mystery typing Dear Webby, When I type an email, or whatever, my cursor jumps around and I have trouble finding it. Very disturbing to say the least. Any suggestions on how to solve this problem? Thanks, Webby, you are always so helpful, and I LOVE your newsletter. MaryLou Dear MaryLou The problem is the silly touch pad right where your thumb is. Take a piece of stiff cardboard and cut it to fit over the thumb pad. You can even use a big piece and cover the entire area between the keyboard and the lower edge. You can use double-sided tape or removable post-it-note type glue (in glue stick form) to attach it. Hotmelt glue works well too. The alternative is to cuss and swear every time your thumb touches or almost touches the silly thumb pad. You probably have a mouse. If you don't, get one before you cover the thumb pad! Mice are from $4.95 to $129 Personally I prefer mice with additional side buttons for copy and paste, but that is a preference, not a necessity. There is a software method to disable the thumb pad, but then you are held hostage. In case your mouse dies, or had been forgotten at home, you won't be able to re-enable the touch pad. Therefore it is safer to just cover the silly touch pad with cardboard. If necessary, you can always remove the cardboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Making Cut Flowers Last Longer To make cut flowers last for weeks instead of days, use 7-Up or Sprite instead of water. Cut the ends every other day or so and freshen the liquid. Roses last for weeks! By grandmadan Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I'm sick of her, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her," and then hangs up. The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells, "You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a single thing, do you hear me?" The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, "It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they're paying their own way!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bob meets Bill at the bar after work and is looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Bob," asked Bill. Bob replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for." "Yeah, so whats the problem with that," asks Bill. Bob sighs, "Well, it seems I'm best suited for retirement."

» Fall Gems

Today, Oct 20, in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary 
 and Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman 
 Emperor Charles VI. Maria Theresa bore 25 kids during her
1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of 
 America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all 
 citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage 
 all horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting, 
 exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions 
 and entertainment."
1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase.
1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary 
 between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel.
1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek 
 War for Independence.
1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that 
 took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist 
1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines.
1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American 
 Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist 
 influence within the motion picture industry.
1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya.
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis.
1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that 
 banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific.
2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without safety 
 devices and survived. He was charged with illegally 
 performing a stunt.
2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets. 
2013  smiled

[ view entry ] ( 13 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 519 )

<<First <Back | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | Next> Last>>