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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, December 6.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who broke a glass crack pipe in her vagina Details at International Bonehead Awards
Re Town Names: Thanks to James Q: Santa, Claus, Indiana In Europe they have St Nicholas, based on a real saint, who had distributed goodies to poor kids. He died on a December 6 in the 3rd century. On the eve of December 6, actually December 5 after dark, a St Nicholas dressed like a bishop, not like the Coca Cola style North American Santa, comes around, accompanied by a devil or servant. He reads each kid a list (secretly provided by the parents) of what they did right and what they didn't. For what they did right, they get a baggie of goodies, usually gingerbread, an orange or mandarin, some cookies and maybe some chocolate. For what they did wrong, the devil spanks them, usually with a handful of willows. All through growing up I had been threatened to be sent to Jagdberg, an old fortress converted to a juvenile jail and dormitory school. Somehow I just barely escaped that fate each time by a hair. Quite ironically, while at the university, a professor asked for a volunteer to go play Saint Nicholas at Jagdberg, and looked straight at me. Yes, I did go. Imagine somebody dressed up as Saint Nicholas, on a motorcycle. At Jagdberg they opened the big fort gate fro me to ride in, took me into the kitchen, put some make-up and beard on me, and fed me some Schnaps, to reduce my stage fright. Then one class after the other, I talked to each kid, praised and scolded them, and some of them I had to spank. The staff looked on with worried miens, constantly glancing at their watches. I had to talk to 335 kids, and was supposed to take less than a minute each. They fed me a small glass of eggnog between each class to keep my voice from getting too raspy, and by about 10:30 I finished. They fed me a really nice dagwood sandwich, and bid me good night. So I hopped on my bike and on my way towards home, of course stopped where my girlfriend was. She was working at a hospital and was living in a nun's dormitory building. Mary knew the sound of my bike, and after revving it a few times below her window, she opened it and tossed down the key. It was an ancient bronze key about eight inches long, and the blade was about an inch. From having been tossed down from the third floor for many centuries, it was scratched and nicked and pretty rough, but it worked on the big black door. The metal clad heavy door was well oiled and totally silent. Up on the third floor Mary waited for me and let me onto that floor. She did some giggling about my get-up, which prompted doors to open and heads to pop out like a gopher convention. So I had to do my Saint Nicholas speech to about a dozen nurses, before I could finally escape into Mary's room for some well deserved R&R. I did get home before daylight. Have FUN! DearWebby
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You can never learn less; you can only learn more. The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes. --- Buckminster Fuller
From Dianne a good old Classic: HOSPITAL BILL You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!! A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks Called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency Open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard Loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to Pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book. For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeana Marie Smart, 26, Fargo, North Dakota Jailed After breaking crack pipe in her vagina Jeana Marie Smart, a 26-year-old North Dakota woman, was jailed Sunday after officers discovered a broken crack pipe inside her vagina. According to police, emergency responders and officers were dispatched to the 3500 block of Main Avenue Sunday after receiving a report of an accident with possible injuries. Arriving officers soon discovered that a woman, later identified as Smart, rear-ended another vehicle after failing to brake in time for slowing traffic. While processing the scene, officers learned that Smart had an outstanding warrant for her arrest from a previous drug possession and drug paraphernalia charge. She was arrested and transported to the Cass County Jail for booking. As the officer and Smart left the patrol car to begin the booking process, the officer noticed a pool of blood on the seat of the patrol car where Smart was sitting. When questioned about it, Smart told the officer that she was having menstrual issues, however the officer noticed that Smart continued to bleed heavily from her groin and the blood dripped from her pants as she walked. After continued questioning about the blood, Smart finally admitted to having a glass pipe hidden inside her vagina. Officers performed a body cavity search and recovered the shattered remains of a broken glass pipe along with a capped syringe from her vagina. She was then transported to a local hospital where she was treated for her injuries before getting a ride back to jail. She was booked into the Cass County Jail and charged with possession of a controlled substance and possessing drug paraphernalia. She was released after posting $2,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Printing problem Dear Webby, I have purchased a new printer, and finally have it added to my computer, but I have problems printing. Yes, I can print one page, for example, the first page of my airline travel itinerary. However, the right margin is missing, so I do not even get my bar code which I need at the airport to check in. On the left is information of Inbox, etc that I do not even need. Also, there is information on subsequent pages that I cannot even get at all! Can you please help this poor soul, who plans to visit his family for the Christmas season on Saturday? George Dear George Printers are different. However, if you print from a browser like FireFox, the browser will take care of most of the fitting chores. Click on FILE PageSetup and in there, either manually adjust the zoom to shrink it or else put a checkmark onto "Shrink to fit" There are all kinds of settings in there, that you can adjust, like side and top and bottom margins. You can also select to print in landscape mode. However, e-Tickets and boarding passes are usually best printed in normal portrait mode. That is what the airlines do with their automatic boarding pass printers. In there you can also tell it how many pages you want it to print. If pages 2 - 8 are just small print, that you are not going to read anyway, then tell it to print just page 1. With stuff like that, don't try to print a screen shot. It CAN be done, if you know how to edit pictures. Best just let the browser handle the printing. By the way, don't try to print from hoemail! Look for the link to view in your browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Repairing A Door Knob Hole in Wall You see a lot of these holes in the wall where a doorknob has gone through the sheet rock or wallboard. You can use a laundry detergent bottle cap for this as fix. Find the size cap that slides into the round knob hole. Apply a small bead of silicone seal or gorilla glue to the back of the flare-out on the cap. Insert and let dry. Presto! Now the doorknob will fit into the wall. You can also dress this up by cutting out the hole size (2 1/2 inches) in a small piece of paneling. Arrange how you want it to look, and glue it behind the cap-flare before inserting in the wall. Source: Inspired by Poor But Proud of this website. By VIETVET from Perkinston, MS Before doing any of that, install a proper door stop, otherwise the next gust of wind will punch your fix into the wall, and make an even bigger hole. For a professional fix get a piece of cardboard, some wall patch and a putty knife. Put a few wood screws into the cardboard, so that you can hold it after you wiggle it into the hole. Smear some wall patch onto the cardboard, where it contacts the wall board from behind and hold it a minute with the screws. After that you can let go and let it cure for an hour or so. Remove the screws and gently fill the hole level with the wall. Don't be too fussy. It will shrink and require a thin finishing layer after sanding anyway. After a final sanding it will be flush with the wall and can be painted. However, all of that is a waste of time, if you don't first install a proper door stop. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "I fixed that dripping tap in your bath."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness. She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department of motor vehicles and I am way past sane." The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?"
I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday morning when the loud-speaker announced: "Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks. Knock off all unnecessary work." An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement: "Resume all unnecessary work."

the Wrench Guy

Today, December 6, in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state 
 education system.
1790 The U.S. Congress moved from New York to Philadelphia.
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. 
 The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S.
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with 
 a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb.
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was completed 
 by Army engineers. The project took 34 years.
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and 
 only president of the Confederate States of America.
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's 
 worst mine disaster.
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships 
 collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a 
 self-governing dominion of Britain
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors.
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by 
 U.S. President Truman.
1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International 
 Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987.
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit 
 failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape 
 Canaveral, FL.
1973 Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of 
 the United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned.

1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb 
 exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish 
 National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the 
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing 
 six Israelis and wounding 44.
1985 Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a 
 deficit-cutting proposal that later became the 
 Gramm-Rudman-Hollings law.
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred 
 when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's 
 school of engineering. The man then killed himself.
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 
 foreign hostages.
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a 
 mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting 
 resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed.
1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20 
 years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children 
 in the 1960s.
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due 
 to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one 
 of the richest in the U.S. and became to largest municipality 
 to file for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a 
 residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 
 70 people were killed.
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was 
 elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt 
 against the government six years earlier.
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected 
 the first two building blocks of the international space 
 station in the shuttle cargo bay.
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation 
 and 480 hours of community service stemming from her 
 conviction for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was 
 also ordered to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution.
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million 
 memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval 
 fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.

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