Family Tree Maker 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 30.

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Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman, who set her ex-fiance's house on fire Details at International Bonehead Awards How are your resolutions coming along? Are you going to have one ready, in case somebody asks you? if you don't, they WILL ask you! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker (1925 - ) Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority. --- Thomas H. Huxley
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

A man walked into a bar and with a disconcerted look on his face immediately called out, "Who is the owner of that Saint Bernard tied up outside?" Another man looked over and replied, "It's mine. His name's Rudy. Why do you ask?" The first man walked up to him, put an arm on his shouldner and said, "I'm sorry, but my dog just killed your dog." The owner of the dog was shocked. "Are you kidding me?! It's a Saint Bernard! That dog is huge! He's bigger than my car!" The first man nodded in agreement and then said: "Well, he choked on my Chihuahua."
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank!" Customer: "Well, okay, if you insist. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jill Marie Batchelor, 48, Rockledge, Floriduh a Florida woman, who set her ex-fiance's house on fire A 48-year-old woman who police say was annoyed by her ex-fiancé’s request for her to leave his house by New Year’s, remains jailed on charges she deliberately set off a Christmas Day fire in front of her children that gutted the man’s home. No one – including the woman’s 14-year-old son and family pets - was injured in the fire. Jill Marie Batchelor, of Rockledge, was charged with first-degree arson and child abuse after Rockledge Police were called to a home at 1044 Bernice Rd., to investigate a disturbance. Rockledge firefighters were also called out to douse the flames and smoke that spread through the home. “I’m told that nothing was salvageable and that the home was seriously damaged,” said Donna Seyferth, spokeswoman for the Rockledge Police Department. Police say Batchelor’s boyfriend has told her several days before that she would have to leave the home and find somewhere else to live. On Christmas morning, the man, ‘left the house to stave off any problems, and avoid being blamed for any expected violence' police said. Police, however, said Batchelor, identified by the butterfly tattoo on her knee, was at the home about 9 a.m. and was seen by at least one witness lighting matches and throwing them on the floor of the home. Batchelor also stacked up a pile of stuff, set them on fire and added more to the rising flames before it grew out of control, police said. Police are also familiar with Batchelor, Seyferth said. Batchelor was taken to the Brevard County Detention Center in Sharpes where she remains under a special watch, records show. She will go before a judge for a first appearance on Friday. Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" If any of you have a program that you can recommend to Maggie for enumerating who climbed down from the tree whith whom, and who descended from that, please send me the info and I'll list it here. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jars for Drinking Glasses After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can. By Sandra Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Marnie Dear Webby, can you please bring that bricklayer's accident report again? I was hoping you would without me asking, but I think I waited long enough. I am getting on in years, ya know. Marnie Dear marni Sure! Here it is: Accident Report Form I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone. Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.... The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked.... I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs.... I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>Thanks to Chris for this story: My wife and her friend were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener." "I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

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Wishing you
a
Frantic Foist!
from Dianne!

Today, December 30, in
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the 
 Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the 
 Lancastrians.
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of 
 land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger 
 became its first president.
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million 
 names of women appealing for public houses to be closed 
 on Sundays was handed to the home secretary.
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the 
 Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL.
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed.
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic 
 systems.
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit 
 in Ethiopia.
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down 
 strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI.
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was 
 the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule 
 his country, virtually renouncing the throne.
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a 
 Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175.
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam.
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.
2013  smiled.


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