April Panic 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 14.

Had to go up to the hospital for my quarter year blood 
sampling. Dianne Skyped me to put rocks into my pockets,
because the blizzard apparently was 80, gusting to 100.
I thought she was exaggerating a bit, especially since
the blizzard was at my back going up there. No problem
at all!

When I shook the snow off my back at the hospital entrance,
and there was enough for a snow man, that was my first clue,
that the way home might not be as easy.
It wasn't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
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>From Penny A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband ?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him ?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response. Here are some of the replies: 1. Who the hell is this ? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what ? 3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you ?? 4. What now? Did you crash the car again ? 5. I don't understand what you mean ? 6. What the f*ck did you do now ? 7. ?!? 8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need ? 9. Am I dreaming ? 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she ?? 13. Are you pregnant AGAIN?
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wylene Crissel, Titusville, Floriduh Titusville Woman held after box-cutter attack A Titusville woman wielding a box cutter slashed another woman’s neck during a Sunday night argument at the Emerald Place Apartments on Tree Lane, police said. Wylene Crissel was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after the 8:36 p.m. confrontation. She was taken to the Brevard County Jail Complex. Witnesses told police Crissel began arguing with the victim, and the argument escalated into a fight. That’s when Crissel produced a box cutter and sliced the victim’s neck, police said. The victim was hospitalized with serious but non-life threatening injuries. Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: April panic Dear Webby, When I try to vote for your site, I never get an e-mail to confirm. It's been happening for a long time, is there anything I can do ? I also have a computer question to ask you if you don't mind. Both My Mom and I have XP on our computer's & use Outlook Express. After April when Microsoft no longer supports XP, is there anything we can do beside's buy a new computer ? We have been using XP for many years and I don't want to get stuck with Windows 8. I have saved lots of Outlook Express e-mails on my hard drive and I'm wondering what will happen to them. Some have picture's included and some don't. Thank you for your time, Darla Dear Darla the voting is done at the Ezinefinder, not at any of our servers. Write to support@cumuli.com or use the contact form on their site. Re XP supposedly no longer getting support from Microsoft after April: How much support have you received from them on a regular basis? Would you actually notice it, if they stopped providing that ? They are not going to come visiting you and risk a rolling pin over their noggin for tying to turn your computer off or deleting your emails. All they are threatening, if you don't buy a new computer from one of the many companies they own shares in, is that they will no longer have a support desk to answer questions, and that Mujibar will be on the W7 desk after April. Keep in mind, a LOT of industry and commerce are using XP, and have often enough threatened to move to Linux, if they can't continue to use XP. They MEAN IT! They all have Linux installation CD's ready to pop in. With industry and commerce all that counts is the applications, that they actually use, like a word processor or spreadsheet or database or email. Those programs all have their Linux versions. All the other frills are not really necessary, and frequently even frowned upon. Sure, you can play games on Linux too, but it will take people some time to find and install the games, and in the meantime, productivity might break out! As far as the monthly updates to slow XP down to the speed of W7, don't worry, as long as you got decent anti-malware protection like McAfee. So, there is absolutely no panic about April, except for Mujibar, of course. He is probably busy cussing about W7 or W8. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Juice from Canned Fruit Use it when making yeast breads; including cinnamon rolls and or quick breads. It adds another layer of delicious flavor and nutrition. You may want to reduce the amount of sugar by a Tbsp. or so to keep from having your breads or rolls too sweet. I especially like to use peach syrup (heavy syrup) in cinnamon rolls. Yummy. It is also one of the best additions when making Jello, instead of cold water. Canned fruit liquid or syrup is a delicious addition to making salad dressings. I add a bit of vinegar and a dash of black pepper. Use over any sort of green leafy lettuce. Thicken it with a spoonful of corn starch, cook until mixture thickens, cool and spoon over ice-cream or pudding, fresh fruit salad or pound cake. Source: My dislike of having to waste anything good. By Julia from Boca Raton, FL WHOA!!!! Learn the diffwerence between fruit juice and fruit syrup! Fruit JUICE is juice from that fruit. Pineapple often has Fruit JUICE. Fruit SYRUP is corn syrup with fruit flavor, and will cause you to wonder what made your rear end so wide. Peaches are often in SYRUP. Be very careful at the store! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't fink to my wife."
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us my e-mail. "

» Watermelon

Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental 
 Orders," was adopted.
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England 
 ending the Revolutionary War.
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on 
 his life.
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was 
 registered as a trademark.
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria.
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, 
 Jamaica.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He 
 flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with 
 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss WWII.
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The 
 marriage only lasted nine months.
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator. 
 The new company was called the American Motors Corporation.
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise 
 off Hawaii killed 25 crew members.
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation 
 to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press.
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin 
 signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation 
 and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine.
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton 
 at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of 
 FBI background files on past Republican political appointees.
1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in 
 Washington, DC.
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the 
 sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be 
 used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people.
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back 
 pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. 
 The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
2014  smiled.


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