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Today is Monday, March 3.

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Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher - Jailed After Having Sex With Two Students, who talked Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." Have FUN! DearWebby
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The days of the digital watch are numbered. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. --- Judith Martin,
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

More Light Bulbs How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? One-third less than for a regular bulb. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? Ooooonnnnnnnne. How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a nether world of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness. How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? Change? How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny! How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. It turned itself in. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs! How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
When this joke was ent to me, it was about Hillary. Since there are no jokes about "The Other Side", I will just use "*Politician*" instead. You can fill in whoever you want. A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered a drink. While he was sitting at the bar watching TV, one of *Politician*'s political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone, "*Politician* is a horse's ass!" The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor. After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this was *Politician* country." "It's not!" replied the bartender. "This is horse country".
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hummingbird nest
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Lombardo, 25, New York Teacher - Jailed After Having Sex With Two Students, who talked Melissa Lindgren, a 28-year-old teacher at Nicolas Junior High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly had a sexual relationship with two students. According to Fullerton Police, an investigation was launched Friday morning when the alleged victim and a friend reported the sexual abuse to a counselor. During the course of the investigation, a second alleged victim was identified. Lindgren reportedly admitted to the indiscretion, but stated that it was an isolated incident. Not all of her victims were talkers. The ages of the two victims were not released, however, Lindgren is an 8th grade teacher at the school and at least one of the victims appears to be a student of hers. Lindgren was arrested at the school at 4 p.m. Friday afternoon - about 5 hours after the allegations first surfaced. She was booked into jail and charged with six felony counts, including child molestation, child annoyance and dissemination of harmful matter to a minor. She was released after posting $100,000 bond. Her arraignment hearing has been scheduled for April 9. Tech Support Pits From: John Re: Humor Letter delivery times Dear Webby, There are three folks at this address using the same computer and of course the same internet service. The question is why do I receive your Humor letter first via Telus while one using gmail and the other using peoplepc receive your Humor letter later? Just curious. Thank You John Dear John New subscriptions are added to the end of the list. If their gmail address is a few thousand lines farther down, then naturally it will arrive later. Because of the pictures, it takes a few seconds for each letter. If there are time constraints, for example someone trying to get it before going to work, tell me what the address is, and I'll manually move it to the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Under Seat Storage for Your Van This was a project stemmed out of necessity but turned into something very handy. I have a van with front seats that sit high on their bases. Both seats are enclosed on the back. The passenger seat has a door on the front but the driver's seat is open. Plenty of room for stuff under the drivers seat. By Suntydt from Tazewell, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Donnie an old Classic The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher. Little Debbie was next.. "I sold magazines" she said, " I explained to everyone that the magazines would keep them up to date on current affairs, I sold heaps and I made $45." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop, you wanna buy a toothbrush?" I used the POLITICIANS method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family. After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right. The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment!
An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these."

» Great Lakes Ice Caves

Today in 
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill.
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville 
 to New Orleans was opened.
1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state.
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a 
 U.S. President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress 
 had achieved this.
1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. 
 It allowed the minting of gold coins.
1857 Britain and France declared war on China.
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
 The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, 
 and the autonomy of Bulgaria.
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work.
1903 In St. Louis, MO, Barney Gilmore was arrested for spitting.
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants.
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a 
 political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder.
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly.
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires.
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted 
 to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention.
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, 
 Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation 
 in World War I.
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, 
 was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was 
 originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry."
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria.
1945 Finland noticed who was winning and changed sides in WWII
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that 
 banned Communist teachers in the U.S.
1956 Morocco gained its independence.
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he 
 killed Robert Kennedy.
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II.
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed 
 just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris.
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave 
 in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 
 weeks later near Lake Geneva.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final 
 voyage had ended on May 26, 1979.
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to 
 Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for 
 diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn."
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of 
 $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras.
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police 
 officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with 
 the Chiapas rebels.
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
 circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They 
 succeeded on March 20, 1999. 
2014  smiled.

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