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Today is Wednesday, March 5.

Have FUN!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh teen, whose saggy pants trip up his escape attempt after he was handcuffed as a burglary suspect Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. Have FUN! DearWebby
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At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. --- P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975) No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could run for is public office. --- Covert Bailey (fitness expert) We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. --- David Russell
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Thanks to Connie for this story: Two Swedes from Minnesota are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over. Women like that are hard to find."
>From Jennifer One day at kindergarten a Teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The Teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The Teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and I'll give you the $10." As the Teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said 'Jesus Christ'." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart, I knew it was Moses, but business is business".
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan Bodden, 19, Palm Beach, Floriduh Saggy Pants Trip Up Escape Attempt By Handcuffed Florida Burglary Suspect The 19-year-old’s saggy pants stymied an escape attempt Sunday evening after the suspected burglar was detained by Florida cops, according to a police report. After being handcuffed by Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office deputies investigating a series of vehicle break-ins in Lake Worth, Bodden broke away from cops and sought to escape on foot. The teenager’s clothing, however, did not cooperate in the getaway effort. As Bodden fled, his pants slid down to his ankles, causing him to trip (and apparently fall on his face, judging from the above booking photo). Bodden was then scooped up by deputies and charged with three burglary counts, escape, and resisting arrest without violence. He is locked up in the Palm Beach County jail in lieu of $31,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Toby Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Have some questions about ClickBook printing. When I print the type size is so small I can hardly read it, and when I go to No Scaling, all the sentence is not printed. I cannot find any information on CB help. I know this will reduce the paper saving option, but it will be printed in a more favorable format. Thanks for your daily read. Keep up the good work. Toby Dear Toby Definitely don't use "No Scaling" ! I normally use Side-by-side, folded. Most e-books are formatted so that they wind up with the same font size as regular, store-bought paperback books when printed with ClickBook. (all the Pro's use it.) It has been quite a few years since I had to rip and reformat an e-book. If it is your own writing, for e-books (and anything that is to be printed front and back 4 pages per sheet), use font size 14. Arial, Tahoma and Verdana are the easiest readable fonts. Right now my printer is just a-rocking on the slightly flexible snack cart, that it sits on, printing out an 88 page e-book on 22 sheets of paper. Quite readable even though I had left the printer in toner-saving mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Measuring Tape for Clothing Sizing I always travel with a measuring tape and a small note on which I write my measurements, especially. I save both in the plastic yellow egg that comes inside the Kinder chocolate egg. This way I can easily find the egg in my purse; and I don't need to try on clothes or wait for hours for someone to help me to convert inches to centimeters. Also, I don't need to struggle to know my European, U.S. or British size. My mother in law need not set a foot in a department store because I buy all her clothes according to her measurements which I also save in the yellow egg. By Mae from Washington, DC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The band was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The high schoolers, eager to get ready for the first football game, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Little Johnny, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" Another student asked. "Nope," Johnny replied. "B-flat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ina We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometrie." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head. "This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."

» Paint Palettes

Today in 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was 
 enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
 was exempted from whipping by legislation.
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de 
 Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans.
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
 fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British 
 troops were later convicted of manslaughter.
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege.
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
 invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They 
 briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the 
 Rio Grande.
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels 
 to the western U.S.
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
 place in Ireland.
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake.
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
 revolutionary disturbances.
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided 
 to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day.
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 
 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs 
 to show support for striking transit workers.
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli.
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd 
 to Moscow.
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing 
 records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of 
 Montana and Nevada.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day 
 bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from 
 being withdrawn from banks.
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
 parliamentary elections.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was 
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for 
 military service due to war losses.
1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions 
 into Manchuria and Iran.
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in 
 power for 29 years.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
 in public schools.
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
 after 43 nations ratified it.
1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for 
 the first time in history.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
 to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas 
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas.
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
 was "a beautiful woman."
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough 
 water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket 
 fueling station.
1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins 
 would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large 
 X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a 
 space shuttle mission. 
2014  smiled.

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