McAfee slowing down Windows 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 10.

Looks like nobody recognized the guy in yesterday's picture.
I had expanded the picture from a thumbnail that Terry had 
sent me. She has now sent me a larger and clearer one. It is 

Click on the picture for the large version

We got a nice Chinook carving the snow and hauling it 
to the East. Toronto and Chicago get ready for an
Alberta Clipper before the end of the week!

Have FUN!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who was jailed for incest last week, and now for choking her husband. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes "Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth." --- Conan O'Brien Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
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A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them from children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..." Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I *know* the answer must be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this ancient fable: An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!
Thanks to Terry for this picture of the sunset from my deck last time she visited. Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charlene Ellet, 25, Porter, Texas Bimbo, who was jailed for incest last week, and now again for choking her husband. Reported by the Weekly Vice Charlene Ellet, the 25-year-old Texas woman who was charged with having a sexual relationship with her own brother just a few days ago, is back in jail on new charges. This time for choking her husband. According to the Montgomery County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a motel room that was shared by Charlene and her husband after her release from jail on March 3. Investigators say the couple was arguing over a cell phone when Ellet reportedly placed her hands on his neck and choked him. The victim, whose name was not released, had scratches and redness on his neck and had a hard time talking due to swelling around his throat, said Lt. Brady Fitzgerald of the Sheriff's Office. "She reportedly had put him in a choke hold," said Fitzgerald. We've identified an unnamed husband as Justin Swartout, who links to Ellet and Beck on his Facebook and announced his marriage to "Riley" on his Facebook profile on January 8. He previously referred to her as "charlene" on a Facebook post a few months earlier. Charlene Ellet was arrested just days earlier after she had initially been detained for shoplifting inside a Porter Walmart. The investigation took a wild turn when Ellet's brother, Cameron Beck, came to the store to look for Ellet with Ellet's twin daughters in tow. When deputies arrived at the store, they searched Beck's car and found a burnt lightbulb and a cut pen which tested positive for crystal meth. At some point during the investigation, Ellet told deputies that Beck came looking for her because he was her brother. The pair was arrested, transported to jail and placed into adjoining cells. While deputies worked to complete paperwork required for the booking process, Ellet and Beck were caught kissing each other on the lips through the bars of their jail cells. A deputy who saw the siblings kissing separated the pair and interviewed Ellet individually about what had just transpired. Ellet told deputies that she and Beck shared the same mother, but had different fathers. She also stated that she had been writing to Beck while he was in prison until he was released last November. She went on to say that she and Beck had been staying in a motel with her twin daughters and that all four of them slept in the same bed. She also admitted to being involved in a sexual relationship with her brother since his release from prison. When deputies questioned Ellet about what the kids were seeing, she explained that she and Beck had placed a partition in the room and that the children would stay on the other side of the partition when she and Beck engaged in intercourse. Other times, she and Beck would just go to the bathroom to have sex. Ellet and Beck were booked into the Montgomery County Jail and charged with possession of a controlled substance and prohibited sexual conduct. Ellet was additionally issued a citation for shoplifting under $50. Ellet now faces new charges in the assault of her husband. She remains held in lieu of $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: McAfee slowing down the computer Dear Webby, I became concerned that Microsoft will no longer update "Microsoft Essentials", so I paid for and downloaded McAfee "Total Protection" yesterday from your website. I believe that you recommend this antivirus highly. Since I installed this program, my XP machine has become very sluggish.... almost as bad as when I installed Norton. Any ideas on how I can get my computer back up to speed without uninstalling McAfee? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill Most likely McAfee is busy scanning all your drives. During the scan things slow down. Once the scan has been completed, it will be normal speed again. You can schedule the scan to run at a time, when it doesn't bother you. I know it is a major nuisance when that slowdown happens, and with my long work hours, I can't really escape it. With todays necessity for security, thought, that nuisance is not avoidable. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Check the Price at the Pump Don't trust the price on the sign at your local gas station. Always double-check that the price matches that on the pump you're about to use. Hubby recently dashed into a local station where the sign read $3.03/gal. Much to our horror, and after he'd pumped his gas, he looked at the price on the pump. It said $3.89. Needless to say, we won't be going there again! I made hubby confirm the price for me before he pumped a single drop, last time I was with him for a fueling stop. Source: Hubby's recent experience at a local Shell station. By JustPlainJo from Springfield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!" "Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go. Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Darryl said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl's hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?" "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered." "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?" "My hat would fall down over my eyes."
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

» Funny Eatery Signs

Today in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa.
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy.
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the 
 Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain.
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did 
 not call it back for 11 years.
1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended 
 to all free men regardless of their religion.
1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He 
 succeeded Benjamin Franklin.
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver.
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase 
 from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis.
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered 
 to the British.
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined 
 Allied Army at the battle of Laon.
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, 
 which ended the war with Mexico.
1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to 
 lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call 
 with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come 
 here, I want to see you."
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first 
 graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed 
 and killed the night before.
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake.
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating 
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at 
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam 
 and Malaya.
1910 Slavery was abolished in China.
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
 Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty.
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law 
 forbidding late-night work for women.
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler 
 to speak in public.
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs.
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain 
 allowed food to reach France.
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied 
 the accusation of spying on Allied troops.
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 
 100,000 were killed.
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also 
 known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. 
 Gillars was convicted of treason and served 12 years jail.
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS 
 Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the 
 enemy position. Some may have hit the target.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp 
 at Ashau Valley.
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
 U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
 headquarters from Paris.
1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the 
 voting age to 18.
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese 
 town of Ban Me Thout.
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to 
 the militants holding American hostages in Tehran.
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their 
 continued support of terrorism.
1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as 
 test-tube and artificial insemination.
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months 
 after seizing power in a coup.
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 
 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region.
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal 
 grand jury about the Whitewater controversy.
2014  smiled.

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