When you can't get your mail out 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 15.

Thank You, Margaret!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Scorned wife, who posted nude pix of husband's girlfriend on FB and got her son to look at them Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld
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It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?" "No, and I don't care." Replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Ottaviani, 54, Hannover, PA Scorned wife posted nude pix of husband's girlfriend on FB and got her son to look at them Reported by the Huff Post A Pennsylvania woman looking to exact revenge on her husband stole nude photos of his girlfriend, posted them to Facebook, and tricked the other woman's teenage son into looking at them. Ottaviani had agreed to plead guilty to charges of corruption of minors and criminal use of a computer. The irate wife admitted to hacking into her estranged husband's computer and cell phone in January, where she saw and stole naked photos of the man's girlfriend. That's when investigators said Ottaviani created a fake Facebook profile where she posted the images of the naked woman. She then added the woman's 14-year-old teenage son as a friend. Court records said that the teen accepted the request, clicked on the profile, and saw photos of his naked mother, according to KDVR. “I wanted her kid to hurt as much as mine,” Ottaviani said in court documents, according to the Times Leader. When leaving court Ottaviani struck a paparazzi with her purse, getting the entire media mad at her. Hanover Township police are now investigating Tuesday's incident outside the court, and whether or not Ottaviani will face new charges. Tech Support Pits From: Liane Re: Not getting my mail out Dear Webby, I am writing this with gmail, because you and most people don't seem to get mail from my regular business address. What am I doing wrong? Liane Dear Diana Dear Liane Except for Telus, very few ISPs censor outgoing mail. Most likely you are using a childish autoresponder and got blocked and blacklisted by the people who had written to you before. Nowadays autoresponders are only appropriate when they provide real information. A good example is: "Write to ... to get an up to the minute road report from a guaranteed unmonitored and safe autoresponder." Telling somebody that mail arrived and that you may or may not get around to answer it some day, is NOT considered real information. That is considered as dumb a nuisance as any other unsolicited mail. Like me, a lot of people trash mail from autoresponders right on the server, unseen by anybody, and at the same time automatically blacklist the sender. Just dump that blocked and blacklisted address, get a new address and don't use a silly autoresponder on the new one. A vacation autoresponder MAY be tolerated by some people, but an after-hours auroresponder is NOT. Nobody expects you to answer after hours, but that may be the only time, that they can send you requested information. They do NOT want a childish autoresponder telling them that unlike them, you are not working at that time. So in the words of the great philosopher Socratex, "Cut the crap!" Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take a Solar Yard Light Camping If you are a camper, you have probably at one time or another experienced having a very dark campsite. I have a simple and inexpensive solution for you. Pack one of the solar yard lights to take with you camping. You can purchase them for less than $4 and they give just enough light to make your campsite safe and easy to walk around after dark. If you have tent stakes and you are concerned about your family tripping over the tent ropes after dark, the solar lights are very safe to use as there are no electrical wires or extension cords to deal with. Solar lights are weatherproof and using a couple around your campsite usually are not too invasive to your camping neighbors. They are very handy if you have small children who have to be taken to the restroom during the night in the campground. The solar lights give just enough light to take away the scare of coming and going from the campsite. By Marsha from Greenville, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A minister was opening his mail one morning and. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL". The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate. "That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive." "Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of an electrician's brain costs five thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politicians brain is seventy-five thousand dollars." "Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?" "Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"

» Strange Statues

Today in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by 
 high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the 
 "Ides of March."
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his 
 first New World voyage.
1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse 
 sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his 
 voyage around the world.
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford 
 Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General 
 Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400.
1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near 
 the city of Gallatin, TN.
1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach 
 Alexandria, LA.
1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England 
 was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs.
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot 
 voting machine.
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. 
 It was the first escalator.
1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement 
 between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the 
 Anglo-German accord of October 1900.
1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to 
 work after a weeklong strike.
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 
 square miles were now controlled by the U.K.
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese 
 shelled Port Arthur in Korea.
1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans.
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
 General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
 Pancho Villa. The mission failed.
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. 
 His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar.
1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the 
 country gained nominal independence from Britain.
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage.
1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood 
 for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the 
 Cook County Hospital.
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part 
 of Czechoslovakia.
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing.
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four 
 years after the end of World War II.
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more 
 troops for the fight in Vietnam.
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil 
 industry.
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile.
1960 The first underwater park was established as Key 
 Largo Coral Reef Preserve.
1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were 
 married.
1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling 
 gold.
1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end 
 with the installation of a civilian government.
1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound 
 all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes 
 were found in Philadelphia, PA.
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged 
 for spying.
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president 
 of the Soviet Union.
1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public.
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration 
 of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in 
 force in the Baltic republic.
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the 
 beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California)
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear 
 testing until September of 1995.
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed.
1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to 
 demand independence for Kosovo.
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life 
 sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988.
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. 
 The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold 
 nationally by a fast food chain.
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for 
 drowning her five children on June 20, 2001.
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated 
 Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to 
 use nuclear arms against states that don't have them.
2014  smiled.


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